So I'm cleaning house yet again, baby is on the bed with toys, and I'm constantly watching to make sure he's safe and he's looking at me slobbering all over the place, looking EXACTLY LIKE HIS FATHER (of course with my dove eyes and soup-cooler lips). I get partially done and it all of a sudden dawns on me that I'm talking to myself...ALOUD. When I take a minute to think about what I had been saying. I realized that I was talking about the entire situation, his actions, and thinking about what he said in his texts. And I have a few questions....that I'm sure you guys won't sugar-coat for me. Why in the hell doesn't he realize that HE had control of ALL that has happened. EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DAMN THING. Now that he's not here I can really think and take a long look at the entire relationship CLEARLY. And back in 09, he went to jail for not completing community service for 3 months and he gave me his phone and car to me. One night he gets a text and before i could reach for the phone, I had this gut feeling it wasn't good. I remember looking @ the clock and it was 11 pm. When I looked it didn't pop right away and I thought photo and BING!!!!!! A butt-naked sloppy bad body hoochie! Long story short..he lied and said she wanted some weed, he didn't have any so he got her # and told her he would call her when he got some. When he finally got some and called her, he didn't tell me exactly what was said but he did say, he could tell she wasn't interested in just the weed so he never met up with her. He CLAIMED the photo was her way of pushing up on her cause he avoided her and wouldn't answer her calls. OBVIOUSLY I feel for that BULL-MALARKY and here I am today. CAN WE SAY RED FLAG LIKE A SON OF A BISCUIT EATER!!! So now I wonder...why oh why did I not TAKE HEED TO THAT RED FLAG. Was I lost in LUST AND TOTAL FLIPPING BLINDNESS!!? Then I thought...hmmmmmmmmmm 40 various women on face-book, his ex's cousin had about 15 messages, cracking jokes about my age (I'll have that ratchet slut-bag KNOW I LOOK DAMN GOOD FOR 40, people guess me to be in my late 20's), The itchy crouch roach downstairs, the 2 females that SUPPOSEDLY moved the day he exchanged numbers with them. He texts that all we do is fight, he cannot CONTROL me (he used that exact word), and I am wild and crazy. So does that mean when he came into my house laughing about the neighbor and his girl arguing (over the fact that he heard them conversing) and I had no idea about it, that I'm not supposed to say one damn word!!!? Why is he IGNORING THE FACT that he got caught cheating. I mean I have yet to hear him say something on the lines of, "C----- I'm sorry, or perhaps..."C----- I don't know WTF I was think.....how about maybe...."I'm such a dumb-ass, please forgive"... WTF is he thinking!!!!?....WTF was I thinking!!!!!!!?.....I know I have a SPICY attitude, but I'm really a kitten until I'm pushed. I took great care of this BOY. Wrote a letter to the judge after he got locked up and within 3 days (had him released daily to go to work when he HAD a job.....that he got fired from...for using the cell-phone while @ work) I DID THAT!!! i could and cleaned daily. I spoiled that bastard so much..he got hired temporarily @ this job and worked 12 hour shifts 4 days in a row. When he came home TO A CLEAN HOUSE...I served him dinner first, ran his damn bathe, dried his SIMPLE ass off, had a PREPARED foot bathe to do a good foot soak and massage which INCLUDED his legs and then pulled the covers back, PROPED AND FLUFFED HIS DAMN Pillow and gave his STUPID A$$ the damn remote. I did that at least twice a damn weak....but I'm wild and damn crazy...I have bleeping steam coming out my nostrils when I think of him placing the blame on me!!! That anger fuels my strength to STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM THE REST OF MY LIFE...NO MATTER WHAT I NEVER EVER WANT TO AFFILIATE WITH HIM ON ANY LEVEL AGAIN. I'D SPIT IN HIS FACE..I SWEAR I WOULD.