I am not divorcing but rebuilding and am almost 2 yrs out. I only recently forgave him. It was like a light bulb turned on. You have heard ppl say when they get to the "done" point, ya just know. That's what happened to me. I was "done" hanging onto distrust and withholding forgiveness.

I would encourage you to give yourself the time you need. Don't rush it. Work toward forgiveness, and try to love and respect yourself. For you, your'e not there after 2 yrs...... you WILL get there if you are determined.

I would love to suggest therapy.... but you said not to... good enough. How about a higher power? Christians are told to give to God whatever we cannot handle and lay it at his feet. Remember not to take it back w/ you. Give it to him as often as you need to. Also, have you considered that maybe you don't really have to forgive him? It might just be between him and God. Just hand over all that baggage you carry and concentrate on you. Hope this helps

Yoga is good too.... or a punching bag.... LOL

We found a church that offered free counseling. Perhaps that could be an option for you?

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I can only imagine the pain a CS causes. I wish I could take all the pain away..go back in time and make better choices.

Finding interests to keep you busy/happy/productive has helped me, personally get past the shame and guilt over the things that I've done. Reading helps too..and writing a journal..actually writing helps..not typing. Also..focusing on the GOOD that's happening in your life..the things you appreciate and are grateful for..perhaps thinking about those things will help facilitate some healing for you. Just a thought....

Hugs..Healing..Hope..Sherrie

I don't know how spiritual you are or what your religion is... but I'll offer up mine...

When I cannot forgive, I think about how the Bible says we will all be judged. I imagine the judgement to be like a movie, where our offenders will be forced to watch and see exactly what they did wrong and how it hurt others. They won't have ignorance or pride to cling to anymore, and they will be forced to feel the full weight of their guilt.

I believe that in not in this life, then in the afterlife there WILL be consequence. Maybe it's not true forgiveness to expect them to still feel some sort of punishment in guilt, but that is the best this human can do. It's my way of being able to let go.

Also, I love the beatitudes in Matthew ch 5. Basically it says that when you are persecuted, you will be blessed beyond others. Then there is the Psalms... "he preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over" Know that they will stand witness to your blessings and they will stand in shame as they watch you rewarded.

This is just me... I don't know how you believe, but for me it helps me to let go to know that it really isn't as unfair as it seems now. Letting go is the closest I can come to forgiveness because it means I no longer crave to see bad things happen to them.

I hope this helps some.

Thanks for those words Pandora. I believe like you in the Bible and the word of God.

Rb, if you can't afford to do the IC, I would dive into self help books. Something to show me that this is huge and that anyone would struggle with this all. When you have your feet wiped out from under you, it takes some time to get back up.

I so remember getting good and stuck. Very good and stuck. Been there and done that.

Sending you support, L~