Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I am not sure where to begin. My H and i knew each other 23 years before marrying. I have felt like we had a very good marriage and handle it very well.
When we lived in another state I caught him going to pron sites. He promised he would not do it again. i recently found out that he had gone to porn again. He said I could check his history and book marks to prove he had not been there in a long time.
I went to all of that only to find out. He had five porn sites and two dating sites and craiglist on there. I asked him when he opened the dating sites he said 15 years ago. Then when I found more dating sites. I was able to find out when they were opened 12 months ago. He was getting pictures from other women and talking in sexual manners, He also told them were he was at on business trips and what hotels in some cases. On the dating sites he said on one he was married looking for a discreet affair. On the other separated and looking for a discreet affair or cougar. This started happening while he was living in another state working and I was still in the state where we were trying to sale our house so I could join him. He first said he did it out of being bored. He then said lack of sex and intimacy and communication. I asked why didn't you talk to me. He said he wanted avoid conflict. I said we have always talked calmly and worked things out. So I do not understand that part. He said he stopped all of it in August because he didn't want to hurt me and knew it was wrong. So OK. I started changing things about myself and going out with him more to see if we could make things better. Only to find out that he was back on Craigslist in November six days before he went on another business trip. That is this past November. He says he has never met any of these people. I feel this is an Emotional Affair but he doesn't see it that way, even though he says he does. I am so hurt over all of this and so hurt I went out of my way to make sure I was dressing differently and doing things differently. To help my marriage only to catch him in another lie. So now I can not trust him and have kicked him out of the bedroom. I am an emotional wreck. Anyone feel the same about this post and emotional affair? I still feel like there is more bs to come.
When we lived in another state I caught him going to pron sites. He promised he would not do it again. i recently found out that he had gone to porn again. He said I could check his history and book marks to prove he had not been there in a long time.
I went to all of that only to find out. He had five porn sites and two dating sites and craiglist on there. I asked him when he opened the dating sites he said 15 years ago. Then when I found more dating sites. I was able to find out when they were opened 12 months ago. He was getting pictures from other women and talking in sexual manners, He also told them were he was at on business trips and what hotels in some cases. On the dating sites he said on one he was married looking for a discreet affair. On the other separated and looking for a discreet affair or cougar. This started happening while he was living in another state working and I was still in the state where we were trying to sale our house so I could join him. He first said he did it out of being bored. He then said lack of sex and intimacy and communication. I asked why didn't you talk to me. He said he wanted avoid conflict. I said we have always talked calmly and worked things out. So I do not understand that part. He said he stopped all of it in August because he didn't want to hurt me and knew it was wrong. So OK. I started changing things about myself and going out with him more to see if we could make things better. Only to find out that he was back on Craigslist in November six days before he went on another business trip. That is this past November. He says he has never met any of these people. I feel this is an Emotional Affair but he doesn't see it that way, even though he says he does. I am so hurt over all of this and so hurt I went out of my way to make sure I was dressing differently and doing things differently. To help my marriage only to catch him in another lie. So now I can not trust him and have kicked him out of the bedroom. I am an emotional wreck. Anyone feel the same about this post and emotional affair? I still feel like there is more bs to come.
i'm not a success story, my wife had the affiar and left while hiding it from me.
you will be an emotional wreck for a long time, hopefully your H will become a man and shoulder you through towards a reconciliation with trust and honor, if that is what you want.
you went above and beyond to dress differently, what did he do for you then?
i understand if you hope to reconcile
however, keep your own self respect, being betrayed may make you question yours-----don't!
and don't accept lack of respect from him
i hope the right thing works out for you
Moving him out of the bedroom is a good idea....definitely do not have sex with him until both you and he are tested for STD's. If he is out of town and advertising, he likely had physical contact with someone.
We all know the feeling of this being the worst experience of our lives. Initially, after DDay we can just about put one foot in front of the other. Hear this....it DOES get better. See if you can find a good therapist who will work on helping you through this life trauma.
Get yourself through these initial days. Don't worry about making long term plans right now about staying, leaving, etc....just work on getting yourself through this initial shock and awe. Read some books....some will hit home others will not float your boat, there a million of them out there. Right now, just getting your legs under you is step one.
I hope you will stay here, read posts, read articles, read books, find a therapist and find your way out of this mess that you had NO part in creating.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing all of this; any of this. What I will say is that if it were truly about you (which it isn't--never is), then he wouldn't have continued this behavior when you made the "necessary changes." Also, he's lying. As gently as I can, I want to tell you that if he's trolling dating websites and craigslist for affairs, hookups, etc, it is physical. Craigslist postings of this nature are for ONS and/or paid services. The fact that he seeks these contacts before/during his business trips--and especially that he gives his hotel location--leads me to believe strongly that he is engaging in physical trysts and/or affairs. PLEASE get tested, asap. It seems as if the women he is carousing with are professionals. This means that the physical contact is very high risk. If you do not have insurance, a local human services or planned parenthood should be able to provide free testing that is also anonymous.
I am so, so sorry to have to tell you this, but I do not want you to come to any more harm. You are worth so much more that this and deserve to be loved, cherished, adored, and treated with fidelity. Continue to come to this site for help. We are here if/when you need us. Peace to you.
You have been hit with a bomb, think about these days as self preservation. Do what helps you get through the day. Seeing a therapist for YOU can help you get your feet under you again. If you have close friends that you can share this with, that is good too....but don't take advice from them. You are very vulnerable now and well intended friends can give you bad advice. Just look for the support you need to hold yourself up long enough to sdtart thinking straight.
as new bits of info surface it will hurt like continuous kicks in the gut but I suggest you do what toy csn to get the full truth or of him so toy can process all of this. It sounds like he's dealing with some sort of sexual addiction. Everybody is giving you excellent advice.