Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi, I'm new here. I barely had any help when my husband started seeing someone who used to be a customer.
I don't know why I took him back, maybe because of my toddler at the time.
anyway, over the last couple of years I have started studying so I can get a good enough job that if he does it again I can just kick him out and not worry about money.
but I feel like putting my head down and ignoring my heart (it was fully broken when I found out what he did), I have just been existing without a heart or soul since then.
when I found out I had to get surgery to get rid of potential cervical cancer cells (from an STI), I just got so angry and I don't know how to stop being angry. And even though we moved from the town where that other person lives, I have seen that she still messages him on FB.
my health has declined ever since he had the affair and I have my 3 kids to look after. Youngest now 8.
please help me sort out my head!!
Isn't anger a logical reaction to the whole situation? I once dumped a guy I really liked when he gave me an STI and would not get himself treated (from before me). I was mad at him for refusing to get medical treatment and forcing me to dump him in order to support my well being and value as a human. What if you can see anger as your empowerment rather than it being a downfall? Anger is both a good emotion and harmful emotion. Stuff the anger and it often becomes depression. Anger can motivate us. What about using your anger to empower yourself and work on your healing.
I would suggest you keep on with your education and work to get your health back. Both you are likely already doing. The public library is full of nutrition books and health issue healing. I like Dr Christiane Northrup for healing with women's physical issues (she has a website). Journal with pen to paper every evening before bed. Write out your feelings and if you don't have words for feeling then google a list of feeling words. There are many such lists and sometimes they help us recognize and acknowledge our feelings. Let it go on the paper so your brain can release the emotions. And then lastly find 3-5 things you can be grateful for that day and write it down. Even small things, like good coffee or nice weather. This builds gratitude which is a change in thinking or a happier way to see the world. Journaling allows you to write out your feelings and eventually be able to understand yourself. It will help you sort out your head.
If you are thinking divorce, I would suggest you go to a good divorce attorney for a consultation. Often free for 20-30 minutes who will talk to you about your legal and financial obligations in a divorce and how custody works in the state you live in. This educates you to know more to make a decision what is best for you and the kids. If you have stopped studying, get back into it. Stick with your goal as it will make you feel empowered and less victim. You are a victim but getting stuck there makes one unhappy. One goal at a time. Baby steps.
We can't make other people change but sometimes they realize they need to change and do. Sometimes they never change and we keep complaining and hoping and manipulating but they never change. Then we get stuck in unhappy. So I am talking about you focusing on yourself and the greater good right now of your kids. Figure out what you need to do to be divorced and independent if that is your choice. And perhaps the dynamics of the marriage just need to change. Once you begin to stop stuffing and start healing by journaling and maybe counseling, you will change and that will automatically change the dynamics of the relationship.
If you think he is a bad guy, low character, or self absorbed and narcissistic, this is another huge problem. Not solvable by you but you can educate yourself on dealing with this personality issue. If you think he is like what I described, I like the book Disarming the Narcissist by Behary. It is about coparenting with a person who is so self absorbed as to be difficult, domineering, demanding, selfish.
Lastly, welcome to this forum and please stick around. Respond to other posts even if you feel like you have little to share. Everyone on here needs support and you can support others. What this does is open our perspective and give us the boost of helping someone else. It makes us feel good about ourselves when we give support and help to someone else.
I am nearly finished… only one subject after I pass this one and I’m done!
Maybe you can start planning some outdoor activities to help lift your spirits and improve your health. Find a walking partner or an exercise group if you can participate. Focus on eating healthy and do things you enjoy. I pray things get better for you and in whichever direction things go you will find joy and peace.