Hey man, first off, Im sorry for what you are going through, and what you went through! I feel your pain very much!! My situation is different, but has similarities. & I def feel you on the nightmares and looking back at things that seemed like nothing but now raise huge question marks! Im sure you have bad days and worse days! Just like me. Im sure every time you feel like there is a smidgen of hope, something causes it to go crashing down! Bottom line.. I feel you! My wife, who I spent the last 19 years with (im only 34!), had a month long (that I know of) affair and is since moved out and we are getting a divorce. We have a 2 year old son, which makes things way more difficult, but also gives me a "purpose" to keep on keepin on! Having an ear to fill or a shoulder to lean on goes a long way! Its helped me already. I am happy to be an ear for you Heartbrocken1!

Thank you Takingitdaybyday. I know im hurting, but I can't imagine being with my ex another 10 years and this happening, so knowing your finding strength is inspiring. Im sometimes feel I have nothing going for me, and no reason to do anything, I live on my own with my cat. Creating my own clousure seems impossible and the isolation from family and lack of friends is suffocating. My grandfather is sick so the family I do have is caught up with that, rightfully so. I know everyone and situation is different, but I just want to be able to be over this enough just to be able to manage

It WILL happen! For both of us! Unfortunately its going to take more time then either of us want it too! I wish I could somehow just close it off. Shut my damn brain down so it doesnt think about her ALL the damn time! Ive gone through a lot in my life man! A LOT! From my brother being murdered when he was 13 and I was 12, to dealing with an alcoholic father my whole life, to drugs consuming family and friends, to acting like a violent criminal who took from others and fought people for no real reason other than to release my emotions! Yet, this is the hardest thing ive ever gone through! Its debilitating! Its emotionally, physically, and mentally consuming!! The good thing about all the shit I been through, is that I am still here! That I found a way to get through all of it! Even though there were times life felt so hopeless and pointless! Here I am! It reminds me that with time, and a lot of effort, this too shall heal and be just another scar on my soul. Scars never go away, but the initial pain that caused it does! WE GOT THIS MAN! Im here for you! & feel like I can count on you to listen when I need as well. Together things are easier than alone! Especially when we are attempting to lift the weight of the world from crushing us completely!

Thats alot and its crazy how many simualtires you can have with a stranger. I too come from a alchohlic and drug afflicted home. Me and my sister were separated at a young age. No where near what you went through, and im sorry for your loss. I too acted out like a crinminal before learning to deal with my emotions. Im def. Here for you although i dont feel I have alot to offer others. We got this, someway, somehow

You're offering the same thing I am man. A person to converse with about the BS we are going through. You have ears (or eyes to read in this case lol) and therefore you have plenty! Hang tough and keep telling yourself it WILL get better!!

Half of people will have to go through something like this at least once in their lives. It's a sad reality of the underlying level of selfishness in people in general.

Given the high number of cheaters it is really more about how we respond to these trials in life. We can be victims or survivors.

Don't get your value and esteem from her or any other relationship. You need to find value in the decisions that you make that represent your character. Be strong, as it is pretty rough for the first year at least.

Lots of ups and downs but eventually the waves get calmer and you get glimpses of happiness in small things. Make sure the next girl has a strong character and doesn't have any significant childhood baggage. A lot of the time their family life and dad especially have an impact on how they develop emotionally/morally.

I am there with you. My self esteem is so low right now and I lost myself in my marriage. Yet, I have finally grown tired of being down in the dumps and I am starting to want to heal. Don't you want to feel better too? Well, this person has only caused you pain, so live on hope. Hope that you will feel joy again. Hope that you will find someone that you can trust. Hope that you can smile and laugh again. I am living on hope right now too. When you get tired of being sick and tired and depressed, you will start. It will happen.

Man do yourself a favor and go out on a date. Doesn’t have to be night time. Choose a Saturday. Find someone you respect. A walk. Lunch. Museum. Make the conversation either solely about her or things you can both talk about. Just enjoy the day. Enjoy her smile. If you can achieve that then repeat it and live your life. Don’t live backwards.