Nope. But it can get better.

Ignorance may be bliss, but it ends in heartache. It doesn't change reality, but keeps it under the rug where it festers and grows, instead of being in the open where it can heal.

Healing is painful, but at least it is honest.. Most people don't like the idea of living a lie. Which is exactly what you are doing if you don't know. Your health is put at risk without your knowledge or consent. Love pledged to you is given to someone else instead. I'd rather face reality and deal with it than to ignore it and let it continue to eat away inside like a cancer.

In answer to your first question, it does get better if your spouse is doing the things he needs to do to heal himself and you. If you are unsure what those are, check out:

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/4974162

And the book, "Helping Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald

So why are you forgiving him if you aren't feeling better?
I think that all that did was make him feel better.

My husband wants to be forgiven . . . but I want to feel safe and secure.
Let him undo the harm he caused first.

I do understand what you mean about ignorance is bliss. I look back over the past; I was happy. Now I know the truth and look back and I feel so stupid on top of feeling betrayed. The rage bubbles up in me
and I want to strangle them both.

Things are better than they were a year ago. So there is hope that they will continue in that direction.

Andi

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
The answer to your question is in the individual. I personally cannot get over it. I have tried therapy, drugs, talking and it keeps popping into my head. When we are intimate, it's there. When we go shopping, it's there. (She had sex with him in the ally several times) There will be triggers every day of your life. The stress will start making you sick. I started having chest pains, kidney stones and now diverticulitis. My doctor told me it is all from stress and diet.
Sit down one day and really think about what you want in life. Is this how you want to live at such a young age? I am older and I will admit I am afraid to be alone. I do not want to get into dating and who knows what the next girl will do to me. Will she be better? I think I will have trust issues for the rest of my life.
Some people on here will tell you it will get better and you can move on. If they have moved on, why are they still here? I do not think anyone truly gets over it.
I spend most of my day thinking about it and planning my revenge on her. Will it destroy my marriage? Yes. It already is in my eyes.
Will I do it? Probably. Will it make me feel better? I will have to wait and see. Why haven't I done it yet? I am too scared to be with another woman. It has been over 28 years.
So, I wish you luck with this. If you need help or have questions, WE are here for you.

I agree with Jimmy the greek - its individual.

I am not with my CS so for me - it might be easier. I do not have any trust issues with my GF.

She was also cheated on. She however seems to have trust issues with me.

I don't really have triggers - only triggers I have is when it comes to seeing families on TV and family situations. Not really cheating for some reason.

I guess if I was with my STBX I would majorily. But out of sight out of mind.

I put her in a place in my mind of sheer stupidity and see her for who she really is and was in the marriage (I am out of that FOG now) - that seems to really help me.

Her going off into 100% fulltime crazytown without anyone caring or watching or secret phones or whatever - here you go. Have fun in crazytown, has helped me.

The death of the family is what has hurt and stung the most and long term how this will affect my boys - but I know I didnt cause it so I have no guilt there.

If I didn't have children with her - I would be very happy to have found out and gotten rid of a shallow knucklehead.

i agree with Jimmy and Onyx

i have known my STBX since she was 10 and i was 15 when i was friends with her brother, so we have alot of history, we did not date or anything til i was like 32 but anyhow the fact that we had that history makes it harder to swallow what she did, dont get me wrong we had issues in our marriage it wasnt perfect but her infidelity was the straw that broke the camels back

there are triggers everywhere. and the downward spiral she has taken since she moved out, has made even more.

in her case she is not happy with herself and searching for happiness through others and when they cant give her that happiness, she looks for another. but she has a dead guy a murderer in prison and an alcoholic just to name a few under her belt snice she moved out in december, so trust me its not easy to deal with. i myuself cant forget, nor do i want to, at least right now, i know someday i have to but

Not for me

Its hard, its been 5 years, it gets easier, but you never really forget. lots of triggers for me too. I have to drive by some of them everyday. I try to block it and think of a happy time.... I did forgive my hubby, but will never forget or fully trust him again..

I think that is dependent on many things.

As far as getting over it, well, an exit assured mine in my first marriage. I knew there was no hope to ever be happy with him, no doubt whatsoever. I divorced him and I've never spent a second wishing I hadn't. It was the best choice possible in that situation

I haven't divorced my current h. There are numerous reason for that. One of them, is that I stayed around long enough to see "real" "obvious" "observable" remorse. And, I stayed around long enough to see radical changes. No more hiding things. No more private computers, or telephones, or anything else. He shut the doors on his previous behaviors, and he opened the doors to everything. So, I stayed.

Would I stay if I still saw him exhibiting hiding and sneaky behaviors? Or if he was less than empathetic and a gentlman toward me. Absolutely not. I would divorce him and move on just like I did with H number one.

Is there ever a day that I think I won't remember D-day? No. But, does it dominate my life. No. Has my life changed? Yes. Some things changed for the better. And some things are not so great. But, overall, it's likely the best choice. And, as long as I still come to that conclusion, I will remain here.

Do I believe there will ever come a day that I will trust him as I once did? No. Do I believe there will ever come a day when I will love him freely as I once did? No. Do I believe that I will ever feel truly comfortable with physical intimacy with him? No.

Do, I still love him in some ways? Yes. In ways, a bit more, in other ways, a bit less. Do some things still trigger a tiny bit of discomfort? Yes. But, it is not major and is tolerable with a bit of "ignoring".....not to be confused with "ignorance".....HA! Or is it? HA!

do you ever get fully past it???

As for me-and only me!

NO-never! How can one? The CS has re-written your past present and future!

Sheen hit the nail on the head in so many aspects for me. Like her I'm still with the h-not because I'm in love with him-he killed that a long time ago-not just because of his affair-but who and how he is in the foreplay of life with me. But that's a whole different story-not for today. The best way to describe our relationship-roomates! That's it-no friends with bene's here-after 22 years of marriage and that's what it comes down too.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Over time, you will improve.

Some can salvage their relationship, and others are not able to.

Have faith that you will improve. Perhaps your relationship won't but you will.

i think its getting to him to and he is starting to know how i feel granted i have done nothing he has checked my Facebook and more than likely my phone which i really could care less i told him he could i honestly talk to none there is nothing at all for me to hide but is that normal i wonder if that is a part of him realizing he hurt me and he is scared i will leave.

Andi: That's likely true. He wonders when you "might" give him a bit of his own medicine. So easy to dish it out, not quite so easy to take it? I wouldn't worry about it. Not your problem. What he ought to be doing is making amends to you, and instead, he looks for justification. Pathetic!

I have been searching for that answer for many years. My husband cheated on me 7 years ago. We decided to stay together and work on our marriage. He has proven himself to me over and over again, but there is just this part of me that won't go. It is almost like I try to hold on to the experience so I don't get hurt again. I will admit, through the years it has gotten better. I can actually go from day to day now without thinking about it. But as others have stated here, it is the triggers that brings it all rushing back. Just once little, teensy reminder and I feel like I am relieving it again.

I think you can successfully forgive but you'll never forget. The worrying gets less over time.

The best way to get through it is to deal with it and not ignore it. Plus more often than not, CS don't use protection when they cheat so they expose us to STDs. It's important to know about that. I know it might feel like ignorance is better but that will pass eventually.

If it doesn't get better you don't have to stay. Start making backup plans in your head. Sometimes knowing that you're not forced to stay empowers you, removes that helpless feeling and overall makes you feel better.

Good luck