I absolutely believe in many situations where people start getting careless, it was the "thrill" that started the affair. Then, they started getting cockier as time went by and they still did not get caught. That is when they started not even worrying about things, until the OW/OM tells the W/H or the W/H finds something by accident and she finally knows something is going on.

I don't think all cheaters want to get caught, but I do think there is a significant number that subconsciously want too.
My ex, when she started her cheating, left evidence she had to know I would find. She deleted some emails, but not all, leaving the most incriminating for me to discover. She knew I was suspicious, that I would check her emails since she was using my computer to send them. (It was sort of a rule between us--you use my pc, I have the right to know what you are doing and vice versa.)
Even now, she tips her hand when she is trying to pull off another one of her stunts over this custody fight. Back in June, she emailed her sister in Florida, telling her she was filing for full custody and that she planned to ambush me with it. She did that knowing full well her sister would alert me. Of course the sister did and the fight has been on ever since.

Cheaters are inherently dishonest people to begin with. Some are born with a mental deficiency that makes them that way, while most develop the character flaw later in life. I have already made a post about that. Cheaters are liars and liars = thieves.

But, in my experience, it seems some who develop this problem as they grow up have some small spark of decency still in them. Its this small spark that causes one part of them to regret their behavior and hopes someone will stop them. Those are the ones who seem to leave all the evidence around and get caught.

Regardless of a cheater's thought process, cheating is wrong on so many levels that there is no defending it by a rational civilized person. I have heard all the arguments and the bottom line does not change. Cheating is immoral, selfish, and just damn wrong.

I have spoken to my H about this. He became so blatant and careless that it really seemed like he wanted to get caught. He denies this. He says that was the last thing he wanted to happen. Then why do such stupid, careless things? He says he just wasn't thinking.

I think that there is a reckless, risk taking, thrill seeking element to the whole thing. They don't want to get caught but they want to push the envelope because it adds to the excitement and drama. Its really twisted when you think about it.

tes i think they do out of guilt,my ex left a paper trail and it was so obvious,but when i confronted him he denied everything and tried to make out i had lost the plot,needless to say i walked out never to return.

I believe SOME want to get caught, some don't and then there are the ones who are so high on thier EGO HORSE that they just don't care. My husband didn't really expect to get caught as determined by how many various women he was dealing with...but I guess he never thought I'd turn the tables on him and do to him exactly what he did to me or WORSE. I can say this though.....if they cheat, you find out, and NO repercussions follow (meaning you just forgive and think it won't happen again)THERE ARE THE REAL DUMMIES WHO interpret that as you loving them so much that you won't leave and can't live without them...that they will carelessly continue to do it......I'm actually still in "SHOCK" regarding the lengths that they actually go to to keep up the charades....

I think sometimes subconsciously we do/did. There were a number of times even OM asked me if I wanted to be caught. He saw me taking risks that most people would never take. I got away with a lot & sometimes caught myself thinking that if I was caught this whole double life would come to an end & I could get back to life as usual somehow. The main motivation for not being caught however was to keep the pain from my H. It all came out eventually anyway & like I was told...the truth has its way of coming out.

In my STBX's case he didn't give a damn one way or the other. He has never cared about how much pain he causes me and is extremely emotionally abusive of me!

I live for the day when I can leave him! He is a lying, c**k-sucking, m-f**king, sack of s**t!

Decades of abuse take their toll!

Yep, when the guilt is too much to handle they usually leave signs.

My ex felt empowered by cheating on me, so much so that he started to treat me like shit. So much so that when he cheated afterwards, he again treated me like shit. It was like I somehow deserved it. yes, he was sloppy about it. He left enough there so that I knew what was going on, but not enough to prove it. In other words, he left just a little bit there to call me a mental patient and tell me I needed help.

He once said to me "You can't prove I am cheating, WHAT, do you have pictures?" that is the kind of person he is. You can have all the PROOF you want for him, but if it isn't caught in the act proof, FORGET IT.

So in my case, he wanted me to know he was cheating, but was FULLY enjoying not being flat out caught, as it was just another way to abuse me.

When he did get caught, he was PISSED, and I do MEAN PISSED, and not pissed from being hurt by what he did, pissed by being caught. Period.