yes.... the words. they haunted me for months and months and months. not the ones he wrote to others... but the ones he wrote to me.... spoke to me.... beautiful words you wait a lifetime to hear... promises of lifelong soul-mates, of nurture and honesty... of integrity and monogamy..... of me being the mother of his unborn child.... promises of forever and ever and our fairytale life of deep, unending love..... while he was cheating on me with not one but more than one person. persons that he did not know well.... "just a date".... and another that he also 'loved" but did not want to marry.

so..... my experience tells me words are just.... meaningless.... unless they are followed by action. and some people use words to create a fantasy.... while others use them to express their deepest feelings. my question to you..... do you want a man who can seamlessly spill words of passion to others, yet not to you.... the one he chooses to make a life with?? shouldn't it be the other way around? do you want someone who can be so wavering and fleeting in his emotions towards others? towards you?

my advice..... walk away.... wait for someone real to come into your life.... someone who is grounded in his emotions and in his heart.

(((((hugs))))))

wait - I almost forgot..... the other words that haunted me for awhile were the ones spoken under duress.... the ones cried and begged to me..... pleadings for me to stay.... the ones spoken while handing me a ring - sloppy wet promises to "make everything right again" .... offering honesty and fidelity - "you and only you... no room in my heart for another"..... only to be invalidated time and time again by actions of betrayal, more infidelity, by more than just one more person.

words can be really powerful...... but just as insignificant.

My first response is 'that was just his penis talking.'

We KNOW penises will say anything...

Did he mean those words? Probably not. He was being all stupid and crap. Seeing as he pulled his head out of his butt and is seeing the reality of his world, and making those choices, he probably was just talking, once again, out of his butt at the time.

Sending you support, L~

LOL @ Lstecker! You always have the best lines! When people ask me how STBXH could do what he did, I like to tell them that he was thinking with his little head instead of his big one.

And I'll second what jbmany said...words are just words. It's the actions that matter, so try to focus on those. Sending you strength and support!

I think most of us who have seen their text, emails, or other communications where they tell each other how much they love one another are taken aback and hard to process that.

One, I can't say whether in his specific instance he meant them, or was playing a fantasy game, or was simply infatuated and in the cheating fog and so wasn't himself when he said it, or what.

In my case, I know my wife fell in love with the OM. That hurt me. Most certainly. At the time, she meant it, even though it was in part due to the fog and being infatuated with him. But she greatly regrets it now, says it was all a very big and stupid mistake she made to do all she did. If it wasn't for all her efforts to distance herself from him and the emotional bonds she created in the A, it would be very hard for me to deal with it and get through it.

My problem is not so much what she said to him, but what my wife said about me. (I did snooping too). So how do you figure out if what they have said to other person was true. I am going through a negative couple of weeks, so my answer is negative. But, who cares if they meant it or not, they said it. At the time, I presume that's how they really felt. Sure they can change their minds, that happens a lot. But it doesn't really help the person who's been cheated on. Now we have to live with this paranoia.

It was a game to him. It was just a ploy. Empty words. A way to get what he wanted from these women. Words are cheap.

Sending you support!

This was what he thought would get him into their pants. Clear enough for me. Thats how I have to justify it myself. The emails and journals to and about those OM as well as about me really hurt hurt hurt.

Its really difficult to hear the love part focused at me now. How she didn't mean it with them - bull crap!!

So the only way I get by this is by saying to myself; "Those words were to get into the other persons pants. If I can't talk myself into that, then I can't deal anymore.

Well, this is my theory on this.

Your Husband undoubtedly loved you .......at a minimum......at SOME point in your relationship. He probably loved you throughout it, but I am just using a worst case scenario to make my point.

So....he loved you ......MARRIED you.....yet did not use this gushy style of love letter correspondence. This basically tells us, that his style of communicating love is NOT via gushy love letters. If it were....you would have received a few of them yourself at one time.

So...why would he write these words? IMO......NOT to communicate love. This is not what he does, this is not how he does it. So what is it all about?????

Attention/ego stroke.....plain and simple.

It sucks to read it more than can be described here, but they were just words of this role playing stupidity that he chose to do, desperately seeking attention.

The emails the ow and h wrote to eachother were like they were in a damn soap opera!! Who talks like that? No one, it's just part of the fantasy. However, I do think at the time they were written he thought he meant them. He thought he loved her. I think love takes longer than a few months to develop. Infatuation, now there's something that can be felt "at first sight"

My thanks to all who responded to my post. As God is my witness, those painful words have been haunting me for so long until I had just recently started looking for a therapist(which I can't afford) to help me deal.

I feel so much better now. I'm going to file these responses in my "favorites" files to go back and re-read whenever I start feeling down on myself.

I seriouslyfeel that all of you could easily go into the counseling field. Once again, thanks for all your hugs and support(( )).

" It sucks to read it more than can be described here, but they were just words of this role playing stupidity that he chose to do, desperately seeking attention. "


Blind: bullseye!!!!! you described my husband. Thanks