Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Me and my ex had been together 7 years from high school all the way up to 2 weeks ago. She was my first love. We have had some ups and downs over the last year, fault being placed on us both. I started feeling a disconnect and found out a few times she was talking to other guys via instagram. She was confronted and asked to stop and said she did. She left on vacation the day after Christmas to visit family and this is when it all happened.... we had a argument while she was gone and slowly she started ghosting me. 4 days went by and i panic. Called 100 times with no response, lashing out to get her to respond with heated texts. I then get a long text basically saying fuck you its over. She was suppose to be back new years eve and never showed, i was destoyed. Finally a day later i hear shes coming to grab her things, the whole time saying she wants to talk and maybe work it out. So she came, and while i was waiting for her to come upstairs i saw a from a guy "how ya feeling love?" Immediately i brought this to her attention. She tried to down play it and tell me it was nothing,and stupidly i believed, the conversation continued. Finally after lots of crying and huggin, she agreed that shed be gone for three weeks and would be back to contunue our life together. I was giving a ring of hers as a promise, she slept in my bed, held me and made so many promises. She left early the next day with the last text being recieved saying how much she loved me. A day goes by with no word. Finally, my mother found a seceret Instagram account with a newly posted pic of her half naked, with a comment saying "never looking back."Then i found his page, with posts dating back to early in december,refering to them being together and having plans for valintines day . I was again devastated. I sent her the posts and have heard nothing since. I am destroyed. How could she leave her cat shes had since childhood? Did she really think she can keep it a secret? She left het home, job and life to go back and be with a guy who has a extensive violent crimal history. She was my first love and i just dont know how to deal with this and wrap my mind around it. Any advice would be greatly appriciated.
There is no satisfying answer to the question "why" and "how could she". It comes down to that cheaters ate selfish. They only think about their own needs. They lack empathy and morals and are incapable of loving anyone but themself.
She has had a full blown affair. She left you to be witb him. As much as I can guarantee you her new relationship won't last long as they never do. You sure don't want to be her plan B.
You can't change her you can't fix a relationship if she's not committed.
At this point there's nothing else you can do for your relationship. Best you can do now is get therapy. Infidelity is vety traumatizing. Therapy is vety helpful. And try to get out of the house hang out with friends do things to distract you and make you happy. Focus on you.
It seems she hasn't developed in a mature person who is capable of love or a healthy relationship.
You are still fortunate that you didn't get married and therefore can move on without too much entanglement.
See a counselor and heal before starting your next relationship. Try to find someone with a strong character with good self esteem.
Try to get some individual counseling for yourself to help you through this and more importantly to learn how to "fix your picker" so that you see these kinds of people for who they are before entering a relationship with them. If (most likely when...) she comes crawling back, do not take the bait! Go no contact, do not engage on any level with someone who would do this to you. She will lie to you all over again; I guarantee it.
One important thing is to accept that it takes a while to process all your thoughts and heal.
Slowly you will give up the illusion of the person you thought she was and realize who she really was all along.
You also need to grieve the loss given this was a long time GF.
Also take time to think about what kind of characteristics you want in a girlfriend and choose more wisely in the future. Look at character first.
I suggest someone with healthy self esteem, mental/emotional healthy, and is honest and open. Stay away from girls who hang out with a lot of guys.