Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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B4Real100 12/31/2016

I'm new to the group and just need to vent. SMH and Crying Out Loud!

I've been married for 23years and until recently I thought the world God blessed me with was close to heaven. A loving husband, 2 beautiful children and 2 Awesome grandchildren.

My husband was a pillar of the church, community and family. Everything we've Ever done was about our love.....so I thought!

Recently I invited my dear girlfriend over. We laughed, drank wine, watched movies and just had a BLAST!

She ended up spending the night in our guest room and the next day she had left before I woke up. I didn't think anything of it and even received a had a ball; thanks for the hospitality and love you to the moon text. All Good Right?

As the following days came and went. I noticed a different vibe and energy from her. Even told my husband something was off...Lol!

I called her and got no answer until the next day when she text me" Saw your call and not ready to talk" "I need to process events and will call when ready" WTF!!!!!!

We text back and forth and I asked did something happen between us and she said Yes! something happened at your house?

Still l no clue. I asked my husband if while tipsy did I same something out of line? He said I don't think so and so I said could you have said something?

No Way he says...........

I pressed the issue with her and she finally says " Your Husband Disrespected me" WHAT? So I defend his character....He would be surprised and sorry to no you felt he was out of line what happen. I'm sure there is a misunderstanding.

She dropped a BOMB! Your husband got in the bed with me and was all over me! I stopped him and left!.....Horrified!

I'm in total shock at this point and tried to make some sense of this BS! So I flat out confronted him....Liar Liar! No I swear! But! I could see straight through him. Finally he came clean.......Oh God!

I feel so embarrassed and sorry for my friend in the fact he had violated her and I apologized to her a million one times. BTW...We Work Together.

I'm in a depressed state today because this joker can't give me a reason to help me understand or process.

I have no clue who he is after 26years.

ripped_my_heartout 12/31/2016

My wife pulled the rug out from under me too. A total shock and I'll never understand it. I'm still finding out things about her and what she had been doing the last year. Not the person I knew. I'm still struggling it's only been 9 weeks now. This is a great place to get support and a good place just to vent. It helps to be here. Lots of people with similar situations. I'm sorry you have do be going thru this.

betrayedtodeath 01/01/2017

I'm sorry you're dealing with this! We know the horrible gut wrenching feeling of betrayal. I'm sorry to tell you that there is probably more than just this one situation. Cheaters only admit to what they're caught with (and they usually lie about that at first, in the face of irrefutable proof). What you have discovered may be the tip of the iceberg. I have struggled with "the reason" as well...why do they do it? I think the simplest answer is BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO. Everyone tries to justify it with things like: I was lonely, I was bored, my relationship isn't going well, my spouse wasn't meeting my sexual emotional attention-seeking needs etc. But it boils down to when presented with a choice to step over that line, they do it because they want to do it. Rather than communicate with their spouse about their dissatisfaction, unhappiness or boredom, they choose to pull the trigger and get their own needs met. Has he disclosed more than just this one instance? You may have to do some sleuthing to uncover if there is more going on here; there almost always is.

Lenoire 01/01/2017

Any man who can do this, is a monster. He's well-versed too and has had lots of practice, so it seems. I'd kick him out and ask your gf to call the police to charge him with attempted rape. He needs to be outed, and once he is, I bet other victims will come crawling out of the woodwork.

You must have had some inclinations over all these years, that this pillar of your community isn't all that you make him out to be. I don't think you'll be able to recover your friendship with your gf unless you take sides and place her first, and offer her the chance to call the police with your backing. I think you'll have to choose between him or her, and that will say more about you than anything else you can do.

I wish you well.

LillyGabriel 01/01/2017

Bless your heart. That must the worst feeling in the world for you right now. I hope you can support your friend. Only God knows what she must be going through. Your husband does sound like a predator. Pastoring a church or even being the president doesn't make you a good person and some people are just bad. What he did was so wrong. Sexually assaulting someone is one of the worst things a person can do, in my book. I will pray for you and her, and him. I don't think it's about taking sides. It is about doing the right thing though. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I'm more sorry your friend had to suffer what she did. How awful.

B4Real100 01/01/2017

I support my friend wholeheartedly and because we are both woman of GOD we have leaned on each other in this trying time.

Some would says I must have seen signs....Not Ever! Not once has he disrupted our home with this BS. Not saying he wasn't doing it but I had no clue.

I definitely don't support the predatory behavior and offered to go to the police with my friend. Not out of spite but for what's right.

It's scary to think he was plotting on her the whole time she was in our home.

She and I have talked and she has giving me a sermon on FOR BETTER Or WORST! This is the worst and I can't see it getting better. She's a phenomenal woman in character and spirit.

I'm a praying woman so I believe what the devil meant for evil god will use for his glory.....Amen!

LillyGabriel 01/01/2017

I don't think we can see the signs. If we could, maybe so many people wouldn't get assaulted. People who prey on others are often very good at concealing their true personality. She is blessed to have you and you're blessed to have her.

Does your husband not show any remorse at all? That's a bad sign if he doesn't.

Lenoire 01/01/2017

You are both phenomenal women of character and spirit. I wish you both comfort and a positive outcome to a very difficult situation.

B4Real100 01/01/2017

What he shows is so irrelevant to me right now. His tears are fear of being condemned and convicted. His words have no meaning as I believe they are only a result of him being BUSTED!

The devastation I feel at this point is unbearable and I am frozen in darkness of my bedroom for now.

Scared To Move!

betrayedtodeath 01/01/2017

With regard to cheaters/liars/narcissists/abusers: look at their actions and deeds, do not listen to their words. You are 100% correct that the tears are about fear and not remorse. Do not listen to the words or believe the crocodile tears right now. I am so glad your friend is in support of you! Take the time to care for yourself, as you are in emotional ICU right now. Lock yourself in your room for as long as you need to while you gather strength and support to deal with what is ahead. I wish you the best!

LillyGabriel 01/02/2017

B4Real100, my heart is with you. I grew up being sexually abused so I know all the feelings that go along with it. I will say that believing and supporting your friend is one of the best things you could ever do for her recovery. Not being believed is almost as bad as the abuse. Almost.

From what you've written, I'm thinking she's not your husband's only victim. I hate to say that and I hope it's not true but I would be surprised if it isn't. Please take care of yourself. This isn't your fault. You did nothing to cause this. I'm sure your friend doesn't blame you either. He is the only one at fault. You have a lot of emotions to process. I'm sure there are many people on here who would be happy to support you. Message me anytime if you need to. Don't close yourself off. Too much bad thinking is not good for you.

B4Real100 01/03/2017

Day 6 and I still can't breath. The embarrassment, shame and anger over betrayal of our marriage and my friendship are all overwhelming.

I went over to my girlfriends house yesterday just to reiterate my support of going to the police for assault. I advised her not to worry about me and I was very concerned and supportive of her.

Told her we could whoop his ass together.,.,

She says she was more insulted vs assaulted. I hugged her and just cried .,...My SOUL HURTS!

She is so awesome and I couldn't be blessed with a better friend.

betrayedtodeath 01/05/2017

B4Real the emotional trauma you are experiencing is real. Keep trying to breathe, stay busy, care for yourself really well right now. Eventually you will see a lessening of this fight or flight response. It takes time! And it can flare up or surface all over again without warning. Are you getting individual counseling with a therapist? I'm glad your friend is there for you. Take good care of yourself!

outdoorchick 01/08/2017

I understand the shock and devastating feelings. my husband is addicted to porn and ruined our 25 yrs marriage.he said he need God but I don't believe he will change. this is the second time after I took him back yrs ago from finding videos on his phone. hes still in counseling but not committed I feel to changing. idk what to do. i dont believe in divorce and I sent out prray requests for me.

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