Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My story is a Rollercoaster. 3 yrs ago my husband admitted to having an affair that he said was going on for 6 months. At that time we had 1 child. Shortly after that he moved out and we went to counseling and found our way back to each other and after 6 months he moved back in. Shortly after that I found out he was still seeing her that whole time. So the roller coaster continued, his behavior got worse, a lot of drinking, late nights, etc. So our fighting continued. Don't get me wrong we had good times in there and he swore the affair was over blah blah blah. Well august of 2015 I got pregnant with our 2nd child. He was not happy. We were in our late 30's. When I was 8 months pregnant he moved out saying he still loved her. So there is was 8mo pregnant with a 7yr old, he helped out but still swore he just needed space to figure things out and no he was not cheating he said. So I had our son last May and have been in full mommy mode ever since as well as helping out my mom who has stage 4 bone cancer. So this past December his whore finally contacted me saying they had actually had an on again off again relationship for the past 6 years!!!! I was devastated. I am devastated. She had the balls to whine about hown much he's hurt her and that he was all mine. Ha, how about that. A homewrecker telling me that I can have my husband. Well anyway he's done everything possible to get back in my good graces. My struggle has always been the thought of my kids having a stepmom so I find myself continuing to try to make my marriage work only for him to keep dropping bombs. Some days are a horrible struggle to clear my mind of thoughts and images of the two of them and the facts about their relationship that I have discovered. I've been told that infedelity is a form of trauma and didn't get it until now. How do you guys stay positive thru the healing process?
Just a couple of thoughts here. You know he will cheat again. Maybe with this same slut, maybe with another. I really doesn't matter. Are you prepared to go through the pain all over again?
The fact that the whore contacted you is hysterical. What did she think you were going to do? Make her a cup of tea and sit and listen to her complaints about her affair with your husband?!
Healing process? huh?
There is a fable about a wolf who takes some little animal across the river on his back. The wolf had promised to get the little animal across safely which he did, but then the wolf went to eat the little animal. The little one was screaming and the wolf said - you knew I was a wolf when you got on my back. This is a story about you and your H.
He is not going to see the light, change his ways, become a faithful and loving husband and father. He left you when you were carrying his child. He will leave you again when it suits him.
If I were you I would start gathering assets together secretly and get a good lawyer. Take care of yourself, your children, your mother. You can give him tasks to do to help you out. He wants back in the marriage so badly, then let him work for it. But you need to be putting together your exit plans.
Yes, infidelity is a form of trauma. You stay positive by talking to a lawyer. There is a better life ahead for you - without him.
Never mind that most marriages that have experienced infidelity do survive and move on from it..
Yes, you are feeling trauma and I am very sorry for situation. There are other BS's and even CS's that can and will give understanding, hope and advise and not the kind of judgemental tirade you just got. And.. if you can't stomach the thought of anything from a
CS.. well, we understand that too..
BS = Betrayed Spouse
CS = Cheating Spouse.
Here's what I DO know: mine has. Anecdotally speaking, given couples I know, cheating is a marital deal breaker if the cheater leaves for someone else or absolutely refuses to stop carelessly sleeping around. More often than not, I've seen couples work it out. Who knows what really goes on behind closed doors, but they seem happy.
Only you know your family/marriage. I suggest counseling for EVERYONE and your first goal to be a decision as to what you want to work towards; then find out if the husband is really on board. Betrayedtodeath gives good advice. None of this is easy, but recovery IS possible if you guys want it!
Not to be a Debbie downer on the OP's post asking for help, but my tirade is only aimed at those attacking storm for their advise. I understand you may have cheated because your spouse or partner made you miserable or whatever, but to advise every betrayed spouse to continue to stand by their repeatedly cheating spouse (after being given many opportunities to straighten up and counselling etc) is nothing short of endorsing a cycle of abuse. Fine, you can lay down all your arguments against monogamy and let us all married folk who manage to not cheat know that we are probably being cheated on statistically speaking anyway blah blah blah , but you cannot, under any good conscience , try to convince us that there is something wrong with us if we advise people to leave a repetitively cheating spouse. Rant over. It just stuck a nerve with me , the response of CS' to storm's well meaning advise.