Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
However, the issue of the affair is solely on her shoulders. Betrayal to that level speaks volumes about her character and selfishness.
These need to be dealt with for you to feel safe in a relationship with her again, as well to regain some trust for her.
Read the "welcome to newly betrayed" post to get some FAQ answered.
But absolutely nothing excuses cheating. Your wife is trying to "blame shift" her faults onto you. To a point, that's to be expected - she probably feels guilt, remorse, and shame. As she should. She feels the need to justify her actions.
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How to help your spouse heal from your affair- Linda MacDonald