Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I was really thinking about why it's so hard to cut my CS out of my life - even though I have been moving steadily towards divorce. We still seem to need to talk to each other and see each other frequently. (Separated since April) I compare it to a gangrenous leg. You know darn well it's hurting you and keeping it will only make things worse, and you will be better off without it, but you can't face that painful period you know will come when you have to get used to life without it. I have LIKED my leg - and I'm not sure I can walk without it. sometimes its easier to bury my head and pretend the pain will go away because for the moment I have the companionship I need. I wish I could get mad at my "leg/CS", but it/he's a been a part of me for so long, I just can't imagine how to go forward without him.
Getting there, but it sure is slow!!!! I realize this is more of a journal entry than a discussion, but I know I am not the only one who struggles to let go. And it's harder yet, because unlike some of these CS's, mine also clings on to me and our time together. He is hangdog and remorseful all the time, but STILL carries with women when not with me. I will never understand what he is thinking. He says he feels helpless.
Getting there, but it sure is slow!!!! I realize this is more of a journal entry than a discussion, but I know I am not the only one who struggles to let go. And it's harder yet, because unlike some of these CS's, mine also clings on to me and our time together. He is hangdog and remorseful all the time, but STILL carries with women when not with me. I will never understand what he is thinking. He says he feels helpless.
Just keep thinking that as long as he's in your life, it's a part of YOUR sickness. The only way to heal is to cut it off totally. Otherwise, the illness will replicate and grow. Not unlike cancer. Just one cell left, and you can fall out of remission.
How hard it really is to do that, with that person being engrained in your life for possibly years and years? Then you have to try to untangle that past to separate it all for the future. Alls I can do is tell you that it takes time and more time; choosing not to call your EX repeatedly to share stuff, to fix a tire, to vent to, to turn to. It's choosing not to.
Man, I remember one time, it was wellllll after the divorce, and we got hit with this huge winter storm. Driveway blew shut and I had to be at work. I got stuck in the drive way. My daughter hits panic mode and says, 'we HAVE to call dad.' I said, 'Nooooooo, we don't.' I ended up throwing bird seed under my tires for traction and made it out to work on time. Like I said, its choosing not to call. Choosing to pull back.
Hard yes and necessary too. L~
So difficult...wish I had a magic mirror to ask the questions....
If he renounced all other women and focused only on you - is there a chance for the marriage?
As far as choosing to not call him - only you can decide that. Even if divorce is eminent I think friendship and help/assistance from each other (if possible) can be healing. I've known couples that maintained a friendship afterwards (and actually got remarried to each other later.) I failed my wife in a great time of need, I will not do that again. Regardless of how our situation turns out, I have every intention of being there if she needs me.
What L described, asserting that independence, sounds a lot like The 180. You find your personal power muscles and exercise them so they grow. You take charge of the parts that are yours. Maybe he wanes up and sees that codependence won't keep his foot in your door, that he won't get a pass because you need him, and he toes the line. Or, you get stronger and stronger, learn to get by just fine on one leg, and don't miss the tangerines one at all after it's been removed.
.
Not miss it? Hell, you might celebrate it being gone! One less stinking, rotting stump to drag around.
"When the fear of tomorrow is worse than the pain of today."
What about choices based on what might bring you joy, hope, strength, positivity?
WOW.