Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Creepy...

sarah2220
sarah2220
Has anyone ever experienced an ex-AP acting creepy/stalkerish months after DDay and the end of the affair? The OW in my case sent an e-mail to my boyfriend outlining a couple of places and dates when she had seen us together in the past few months...the scary thing is that she saw us, we did not see her, and in the past she ha threatened me.

It has been almost 6 months since DDay, when he broke things off with her. It has been 3 1/2 months since she made the threat against me.

She also said in the e-mail that she hoped my boyfriend was happy---which is definitely a lie, as she did everything in her power to destroy us post affair--and she did it with seething hate and vengeance.

Is this a common occurrence with these people??? Any ideas why someone would do such a thing? If you have experienced this, what did you do about it?
HowCanThisBe
HowCanThisBe
Get a restraining order and act on it when needed. Keep the emails and share them with legal counsel and police if you need to institute the order.

Does your state have stalking laws? Some have stronger ones than others.
heyjules
heyjules
I was stalked and threatened after d-day. Even to the point of opening my door to throw a letter in while just me and my children were home. Restraining order!
sarah2220
sarah2220
I do not think there has been enough of a recent threat to get a restraining order here; also, doing such a thing, since I believe that we are dealing with a sociopath, could very well create more trouble than we already have because these people, according to what I have learned, have to be dealt with differently. The consensus is to ignore them and they will eventually find someone else to impose their little mind games on.

But I don't know--I guess waiting for a while might be the best thing...and hoping that the OW will fade away. But I guess only tiem will tell.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I agree with Sarah2220, and not certain there is enough to get a restraint order against this woman.

Document everything and keep records of dates, times, places, etc. of every incident that has occurred. If it so happens that you must pursue a restraint order, you will have a record of all the times you have been aggravated by her.

I wish you well.
refurb
refurb
what is not creepy about those that are comfortable with being on the betrayal team

a simple truth is that anyone capable of betrayal proves themselves to be much more suspect of crossing any other "they wouldn't do that" line

document what you can, make sure that your boyfriend is on your team and your team only
sarah2220
sarah2220
I know my boyfriend is on my team and my team only in this----the OW in this case by her behavior both pre and post-DDay easily proved to both of us that she is a complete nut case....I do like your advice about documenting things, I am doing that very thing. Hopefully she will leave us alone eventually and find another victim, as he is not responding to any attempted contact that she initiates.
triath8384
triath8384
HeyJules,
That IS creepy.

HowCanThisBe,
If your avatar looks anything like the real you, you must be my doppelgnger ;-)

Anyone know if there's a way to change your username on here? I'm thinking of "icouldntmakethisshitup" or "areyouforreal"
triath8384
triath8384
Yes. Best stay silent on this one. This after all, it would be admitting to something illegal. Review the characteristics of stalkers. One is eliciting others to help them do their dirty work. Your letter is bullshit. You are the epitome of repeating the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Did you change....yesterday? If so, good for you. Anyone can talk the talk.
sarah2220
sarah2220
??? Please explain, triath.
Allora
Allora
In some ways, it was lucky that my husband's affair was a work place affair. When the OW started getting creepy, Huz's work stood behind him and threatened the OW with a fat harassment lawsuit. She wasn't just stalking, she was being obnoxious, trying to get him in trouble for stupid things at work.

I don't know if his work would have followed through, but after that she went back to quietly trying to stalk me, so I just removed as much of my online footprint (got rid of FB, my blog, locked down Twitter, etc.) as I could and steered clear of any places she might frequent. Still, it was a HUGE blessing when we finally moved three hours away so I knew there was almost no chance of ever running into her again.
sarah2220
sarah2220
Allora, I cannot imagine how nice it is to be 3 hours away from the OW. I bet you are so glad!! I would not have dealt well with my CP still continuing to work with the AP post-affair like yours did, but it sounds like you guys successfully used that to leverage better behavior on her part. Though neither of us works with the OW in our case, we do have leverage on her as she is a licensed professional (nurse) and things could become very troublesome for her if she continues to harass us, possibly even putting her license on the line. My BF is a MD, and he knows which channels to pursue about that. We are hoping to just be left alone, though.