As a person who has an ex with multiple affairs i'm a little wary of any guy who cheats. How did you find out about the affair? Did he lie when you confronted him? If he was totally honest with you and did not lie, i'm more inclined to believe that he wont cheat again. If on the other hand, he lied and denied everything until you had absolute proof (something my ex did multiple times) how sure are you that he would not do it again.

Trust is like faith. If he is doing everything to make you trust him then it will take time and effort on his part. He needs to understand that you cannot blindly trust as you did before. One day you might be able to trust but it will be a long while before that happens.

Good luck.

He initially told me the month prior that he wasn't sure he wanted to be married to me anymore. We have been distant and disconnected for a few years. He sas he felt like I didn't love him anymore. I was shocked that he felt that way. After 2 weeks I started wondering if there was someone else and I did some investigating. I did ask him and he denied it. He realized that I was still suspicious and 2 weeks later he admitted the affair. I realized how my disconnection from him and lack of intimacy played a role in his path to having an affair. I don't accept responsibility for his choice to have an affair. He admits that he was wrong and says he is very sorry. I am starting counseling for myself. I need to make sure I want to stay in the marriage for the right reasons, not just for the sake of our 4 children or for financial security.

Whatever road you and your husband go down, you are making the right move by going into counseling. A counselor can help you put the affair into perspective. They can help you through the various stages of grief and pain that you are experiencing. None of us here have a crystal ball and can tell you if he is trustworthy, if he will earn your trust, or if you can forgive him. There are marriages that can weather an affair and become stronger. Likewise there are serial cheaters that will never change.

I hope you have a stronger marriage out of this because even though i've been cheated on way too many times, i still have hope that there are happy ending in real life as well as in books.

Hugs.

I agree with movingon2016.
It's the multiple affairs she had, I'll never trust her again. We were together 22 years. I though our marriage would be worth saving but too many lies and constantly stabbing me in the back. Also I was dealing with a narcissistic spouse. My relationship was truly one side, with me doing all the work to try and save it.

The funny thing is, I would have forgave her had it been one time and she would agree to marriage counseling. But being split now for 6 months and having no contact, I have seen the truth and the person she really is. She has been checked out of the marriage for sometime.

Either way I suggest counseling. This will be a stressful decision. If you do decide to divorce., join a divorce support group of some kind. Very helpful to me. Work on yourself, the grief and pain is tough to get through. Their is help out there. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong and positive
-HUGS-

Thank you so much for the words of advice and encouragement.

It's going to be a rough road ahead for both of you. If you are both totally committed to repairing the relationship it's likely you will survive this breach. However, individual
and marital counseling, as well as spiritual growth will definitely aid you in restoring your marriage. There may be times when you doubt that your doing the right thing. Hang in there it will get better. Take it from someone who has been going through the same thing, you'll never be able to make sense of everything. Trust is something that will take some time to restore. Be prepared it will likely never be the same. However, in some ways you will be more in tune with each other's emotions and needs. This can be one of the few positive effects of affairs. Take care and good luck.

I have to say that there is NOTHING positive about an affair. Nothing at all for the betrayed. However, those who have said your relationship can't go back to what it was before the affair are right. You can't un-ring that bell. The relationship can be different, growth and change can be possible. But that heavy lifting is on him, not you. Only he can change himself and only if he wants to. Trust must be earned and it does take time. Feeling wary is a normal and self protective mechanism.