chewdy i don't think you should go to her job to get the truth. it will only cause more problems and put more questions in your head. maybe you and H should try counseling to get to the bottom of things.

Like you there are a lot of things that i still feel i need to know and for that reason we have chosen to go to counseling since when we try talking it always ends up in a fight. tonight is our first session and boy do i have a lot to get off my chest.

good luck with everything.

We are in counseling and he has been in agreement all along about going. He just avoids telling the truth and doesn't talk as much to certian questions.
I have recently attended the session by my self because it is fustrating to go and have him just stare at me or the counseler and we just continue to go in a circle .

I talked to the OM on the phone. I later spoke with his wife. This was a big help to me. His story didnt match hers completely, but now I can feel more certain that it is over between them. Although I think that they are both liars.

I tried to contact the OW the day I found out, but, of course, she wouldn't answer. I have not tried in two years now and I never will. Not worth my time and effort. The truth needs to come from your husband or you will never have trust. My heart goes out to you. I remember those feelings all too well. My stbx finally came clean, but it didn't help. He will always be a liar in my eyes.

I emailed the OW immediately after finding out. The email included a forwarded note from my H, and my comments about how heart breaking this was to me and my family.

Weeks later, (after stewing about it for days), I called her. I wanted to confirm some details that H said, to see if she would match the same answers. (That was a risk because I did not know what kind of response/hostility I'd get.) I was pleasantly surprised by her remorse, apology and everything she said matched what H had said. (Okay, it all could have been lies, but it went a long way for my closure...)

I would say to you "do it", but be ready for whatever kind of response you're gonna get. Do it when you can keep a level head and not lash out. (Unless your intent is to simply "rip her a new one"). That's probably not worth your time.

Hang tough!

D-

He's afraid to give you the answers because of the consequences and how bad he will look to himself. I would talk to the o/w, or get her work email. Oh, getting her work email would be wonderful. Can you imagine how her day at work will be once she reads the email from you. But, dont expect her to tell you the truth either, but at least she'll know that you know. If she's married, threaten to tell her husband too. I say DO IT!

Definitely don't do it at their place of work, that just opens up a whole new can of worms.

Think about what you might hear before you do confront her...she may say some things that hurt worse than anything you know yet. And along those lines, think about whether or not you even need to know some of these details. If you know he's cheating, does the background stuff really matter? The fact is, if he's doing it and you know, it really doesn't matter when or where, unless you are gathering evidence.

Or, think about whether she will even tell you the truth. She's as big a liar and cheat as he is, clearly, so she may just attack you or not tell you anything or lie herself.

I would think about it long and hard before you do confront her.

my H had a affair with a coworker also and i learned that most of time the OW will not tell the truth either or she will purposely stretch the truth and paint a awful picture that will create devastating images in your mind and if she is anything like my H OW she probably isnt remoreseful and she wont care about your feelings. i tried to talk to the Ow by letter but she wouldnt even accept the letter which hurt me even more so my suggestion is to first try counseling because confronting the OW will only cause you to become angrier because i assure you nothing positive will come from that and you might end up more hurt in the end.

I was going to add that I once had a conversation on the phone with the OM and it was basically like talking to a 5-yr-old, although to my youngest daughter's credit, she isn't as thick.

I wish I could answer your questions and I experienced something horrible myself this past weekend. I found evidence of my husband cheating on me with a 27 year co worker. I am sick to my stomach. I told him I had some evidence and he admitted to it and turned it around to make me this heartless person when I told him I would reveal the truth to her boyfriend. I was over their house not too long ago. He is such a creep,my husband lives here and I am forever shaking.
I just said, level with me and he told me the truth. He now walks around like he has a lot off his chest and now I have a lot more on mine.
If you really need the truth get a piece of evidence and just say level with me. It will work but it may be hard to swallow.
My heart goes out to you!

Some would suggest doing the confrontation and some do not. For me? It was all part of closure - and I figured, "If you want to rock my world, woman, you can look me in the face for a bit..." I confronted her when I got the news - in my fuzzy slippers and jammies. Just jumped in the car and did it.

Just my perspective. And I still have those damned slippers.

Do what is right for you now, L~

For me I found out that neither of them cared. She said she was sorry then came upon all these emails the affair never ended and they made fun of me as a person, mom, etc. Called me crazy, psycho, etc. They are both freaking dysfunctional and need help for themselves. Both have destroyed 5 childrens lives with their selfishness. She will be nice to your face and then laugh behind your back...don't even give her the time of day...it's not worth it. I've tried several times with nasty emails and texts and she just threatens me...fucktard. And...for your own piece of mind...keep your eyes wide open in the counselling sessions. Mine did the same thing..I opened up and he was quiet or we went in circles. He was hiding the fact it never ended....word of advice to you..it probably isn't over, if he's not willing to be straightforward in counselling he never going to do it...consider what I say. Talking from experience and it's devastating to find out you've been made a fool of twice.