This is not the right forum for this post. We here have been Cheated ON, so we are really not interested in your affair story. Your post belongs over on the Cheaters Anonymous forum.

" i want what i want when i want it " divorce your husband, tell your girlfriend that you are special so she knows that you'll cheat on her

i very much doubt that you can be other than the incredibly selfish person you are now

I'm a cheater, well used to be, and I used to find responses towards those doing the cheating to be judgmental, harsh and completely devoid of empathy for what drives people to seek or fall victim to affairs.

That said, my last transgression was years ago and since then I've really begun to understand the other side. I was a selfish asshole. I didn't deserve the forgiveness of my husband (though I'm thankful to have it) and I was only focused on my own selfish needs and instant gratification.

Until you are even remotely close to that point, I suggest you steer clear of this board and post on Cheaters Anonymous, which is more sympathetic. This feedback is valuable too though.

Do you want to change? Honor your marriage? Decide. And don't leave your husband in the dark, he deserves a say too.

it is that line of bullshit "fall victim to affairs",

you state "I was a selfish asshole" yep, when people make selfish asshole choices...

'What drives people to seek or fall victim to affairs'? That's an easy answer. Selfishness, lack of morals and character, weakness, no values, no soul, thinking of instant gratification above all else. Did I miss anything? If you are unhappy in your marriage, talk about it with your spouse. If you can't work it out, get help. If that doesn't work, get divorced. THEN, find someone new who floats your boat.
The only victims are the ones who are cheated on. Stop looking for sympathy from anyone and that goes for all those who have cheated.
BeeGirl, was it 3 or 4 times? Come on, you know exactly how many times it was. Stop trying to make it seem less horrible than it is. Now, be a woman about this and tell your husband what you did. But don't promise him that it will never happen again because you will be lying to him again. When the opportunity presents itself again you will be right back to it. Because you want to. Maybe he'll surprise you with his response.

One thing I will say is that I have, more than once, seen holier-than-thou BSs go on to have an affair. That's why I say "fall victim". It really can happen to anyone. Is it selfish? Obviously. But we all have it in us to be selfish. It's human nature.

Apart from my affair, I'm a pretty fucking decent human being. I give my heart and soul to a non profit career, volunteer my free time, raise my kids, etc. etc. A bad decision or period of decisions doesn't have to define a person any more than all the 'good' shit I do does. You do, however, have to be willing to understand the hurt you're causing to the person who didn't ask to be involved in such a shitty situation. And it doesn't sound like OP is there.

Pretty and dumb, “fall victim to “ can happen to anyone , NO

Anyone can choose to be a selfish immoral unfaithful lying sack of shit and cheat

A lot of people choose to not be shitbags

It is shallow and again all about you to say fall victim to, this let’s you feel superior because you feign compassion and empathy , very typical behavior for those that are comfortable betraying vows made to another and themselves

Each and every action we do as humans defines who we are in life. Nothing holier-than-thou to think about. It's a simple matter of right and wrong. We choose what we are. We choose what we become. It's not a DNA thing. It's all based on morals and values. It's all based on our character. What do you want to be remembered as? What do you want your legacy to be? If you have no problem being known as a cheater then you are all set. Nobody falls victim to cheating. They choose to cheat. It is not done by accident. It is not a mistake. It's a choice, period. I will say that not only did I have the opportunity to cheat a few times throughout the years but I also thought about some revenge sex right after D-day. But, I said no to all of the past opportunities and I haven't pursued the revenge sex. Why, because it would make me as big a POS as all the other cheaters out there and I am better than that. Not holier, just better. I know how I want to be remembered. I love my wife and you don't do this to someone you love. There is no way that anyone can justify cheating no matter how hard they try. If you're unhappy, get out of the marriage. 'A pretty fucking decent human being' doesn't fuck over another human being. That would be 'A petty fucking human being', one who only thinks of themselves and their own happiness.

I agree that a CS has to have already felt deep remorse and decided in their minds to make things right before they are ready to hear the hard truth.

Even without the overtly emotional responses of some BSes it will be very hard to see the depth of their depravity and hurt that has been caused.

I also agree that Beegirl isn't at that stage given that is guilt and not remorse that seems to be prompting her to see help.

Some come for kind enabling support and some come for the hard truth to snap them onto a different path.

refurb, I love you! You tell it like it is.

Cheating is a choice.

BeeGirl, you want to be happy and so does your husband.

You are living a double life, keeping secrets, and lying to your H.
You are not honoring your vows.

You made a choice to cheat. Time now to make another choice.
You can stay in your marriage and be honest with your husband
or you can divorce him and tell him why. He deserves to know the
truth about who you are.

Forget your husband be honest with yourself. You don’t love him. That went out the door the 4 th time. Stop lying to yourself first and you won’t be able to lie or be a lie to him.