Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Through the 3 years that i have been trying to rebuild our relationship, i have learned that communication is a huge key into it. I by no means am good at communicating with her, however i do my best to try. I hear constantly in couples counseling that i shut down quite a bit when she needs to point out my faults. But it dawned on me 2 evenings ago, that neither is she good at communicating with me. After the kids went to bed she sat down at her computer and said she had to look some stuff up. so i asked her what she was looking up, and she said "stuff". 30 min later i asked what she was still looking up, and she gave me the worlds dumbest answer (and i thought i had heard it all before LOL) her words exactly "I am doing it, if i was talking to you about what i was doing, i would not be doing it" Totally a conversation shut down right there. and she was crabby at me the rest of the night.
So yes i was stewing over it and thinking that could be a lesson for both of us in communication.
So yes i was stewing over it and thinking that could be a lesson for both of us in communication.
What does marriage mean to you - both of you?
When you are home alone together, you should be together.
Sitting at a computer is not being together. Doesn't she get that?
She's pointing out your faults? I hope you are pointing out hers as well!
We've made a rule about our evenings - no interruptions. It's our time.
Our time with each other.
Your wife has the whole rest of the day to go on the computer. Maybe that needs to be explained to her.
You need to have plans for your together time.
Are you two still going to counseling?
daledge - No she has never gotten the idea of "unplugging" and spending time with me or the kids. her idea of spending time with us is while we are watching a movie or playing a game she is in the same room, reading or studying or on the computer. Our counselor has encouraged her to join in, with us, however our counselor has also told me i need to be conscious of her extreme need for time to herself with working full time and school despite how much she pushed to have kids. I cannot change her all i can do is try to understand.
Before our partners affairs I could handle snarky, but now? I have no room or patience for it. Something that would've rolled off my back a year and a half ago, yeahhhh not so much anymore, and I hate that. I want to be that carefree easy going person once again but here I am, quick to question, jumping to analyze everything, ugh sometimes its just purely overwhelming.
Definitely bring it up to her and discuss it because that would be displaying good communication :)
Does the sweet thing have a mirror or like most cheaters is she a coward who won't go there?
Communication starts with being painfully honest with oneself, sounds like she needs to believe her own bullshit. Don't you!
Shtmyhbdid - in all fairness yes she is making progress. I could say not as much or not pulling as much of the responsibility, however any progress is positive progress in my mind.
Brokennotforgood - you are right that communication starts with being honest with oneself. And that is where i hugely fell short prior to all this. I am not responsible for her actions, but i am responsible for my actions that lead up to it.