Your wife needs help... She needs to go to IC like yesterday

first: go get tested for STD's and not kidding in any manner about that. She is putting your health in danger and you don't even have a say so and she could care less.

Second: you are not an idiot, you are an enabler for allowing this abuse to continue. If you have to force her to admit she is cheating then she could care less about changing and probably more upset that she has to admit what she has done instead of being upset about what she has done.

Third: this is not normal in any situation and if she is having sex with "4 of them in a 3-4 week period", your health is in more danger than you want to admit to yourself. She needs help and you can't give her the help she needs. Again, go get tested for STD's because some STD's can kill you.

Fourth: LEAVE, being ripped appart inside is better than dealing with this abuse and potential health issues.

I am not trying to offend you or trying to be rude to you as we all have our stories dealing with a cheating spouses but this is extreme and counseling would be my suggestion for you individually and I really doubt she will go and before you try marriage counseling, you really need to understand why you are still staying with her. Love is not one way and your love is not true love if it is only one way. Not sure how or if she loves you when she is having sex with this many men. Please be careful and I can only offer you my honest opinion and hope you find the strength to deal with this.

Wow...I agree with whatafool you need to separate yourself from her and get help to deal with this. She has no respect for you. I know it's hard to separate yourself from someone that you love and care about, but she doesn't love you the same way. You'll always be living in misery wondering what she is doing when she's not with you. That's not the way to live your life and if you stay, it gives her the green light to continue her deceptive behavior.
So sorry you have to deal with this, it's horrible.

Hugs!

Sex with 4 dudes - sounds like she's doing what she wants - exercising her freedom which wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't hurting others - so I would say - "get out" - look out for yourself, she's obviously not worried about you. Good luck.

I am sorry you have to deal with this. I have had multiple "d-Days" as well and it is hell. We are here for you....:) hugs

Get away from your slutty wife.

She doesn't love you or respect you and your marriage vows.

You will feel better once you get away from her.

DIVORCE!

I suggest reading up on love addiction,, Perhaps learn about codependency. They could prove to e real eye openers! Good luck !

Im not in this support group but I saw Ross' comment in my news feed and wanted to give my advice. I was cheated on 2 1/2 yrs ago by my husband. I Dont know if he had sex but I had found text conversations that took place over 2 days time. When I confronted him about it he was defensive and gave every excuse in the book to condone it. Im sorry but its still cheating in my book even if its just inappropriate conversation...especially if its kept a secret and hidden from me. What did I do? I kicked him out. Marriage means more to me than just paperwork and playing the role of husband and wife. It means honor, love, trust and complete faithfulness. Which also includes doing or saying things that you keep from your spouse. So do you know what happened? We spent 8 mths apart and even though it took him half that time to realize what he did wrong and what he lost...he did change his ways and chose his family once again. We've been back together for 2 yrs and there hasn't been one day that ive questioned unfaithfulness. We've had hard times with other issues but the unfaithfulness stopped!
I suggest counseling also..regardless if you stay or go. To stay and condone unfaithfulness is damaging to your soul. Get right with yourself first. Then ask yourself...and your wife..if you deserve to be treated that way. If she can't/ won't stop then she doesnt deserve you. You deserve someone who truly loves and honors you. Good luck and Hugs to you.

I know what it's like to love someone more then you ever thought possible. This is an absolutely horrible thing to have to go through. I agree with the other's please get tested. The consequences of her actions could literally be deadly to you. You need to try and stay strong, remember there is nothing wrong with you. This situation is her fault not yours. She sounds like she might have an addiction to sex and should probably get some help.

Just wanted to give an update. The first thing I made her do after ai found out was make her get tested! We finally really started communicatng and made her go in detail (not specific sex acts) about the last 12-13yrs about who she had sex with and when. After going through it all she had much fewer affairs then she originally thought. Still not acceptable by any means.

So of course I asked the question all victims asked, WHY???? It took her weeks of us talking more and more and her coming up with things she thought could be the reason but still never felt like it was the reason she did what she did. Finally she came to the conclusion that it was the thrill of it. The possibility of getting caught was what she was after. After more and more discussion that's the answer she feels is most honest.

We have not been active in any religious setting in over 13yrs. She has gone so far as to reach out to our local religious leader for help. We can't afford seeing a professional and the church leader is going to set us up with non religious counseling. She put a tracking app on her phone that I can track her phone calls, texts, location, Web activities, and system activities (such as downloading apps). It's updated as often as I choose. She goes to work and comes home. Sends me glympse messages to everywhere she's going and she is willing to do anything I ask of her to make this work (not in the sense of her being a slave). She doesn't log into Facebook without me present and doesn't take her phone into the bathroom.

Here's my question, does it sound like she is really wanting to work things out? We haven't talked the way we are talking now since we were dating and first married 15-16yrs ago. I want to believe things will be better forever but I'm so afraid of getting hurt again.

To all those with helpful, constructive criticism, thank you. To those who were speaking out of their personal pain, I'm sorry you're hurting so bad and hope you find peace in your life and heart. I know I sound Co dependant but I assure you I am not. I have known her literally all her life and while I could live without being married to her, I can't picture life without her as a part of it in some way.

Oh and what may be worth mentioning is that they were all 1 night stands exept the first one 13yrs ago

Google the book 'how to help your spouse heal from an affair'. Your wife needs to read this.

Is she remorseful?
Does she understand the pain her betrayal has caused you?
If she does, why would she do it again and again?
Be honest and tell her what this ultimate betrayal has done to you?
Has she suffered any consequences following her cheating? If not, why should she not do it again?

Has she ever thought you'd divorce her following the cheating? Again, if she hasn't, she has no reason to stop.

The thought of living without her rips you apart, but does she feel the same way? It doesn't sound like it.

If a child misbehaves and nothing happens, no sanction, punishment or anything else, why would they not misbehave again.

You need to decide if you want to live the rest of your marriage tracking your wife, like she's a prisoner on parole.

Love isn't meant to be like this.

I heard a question/answer session a few weeks ago, when someone was saying he loved his longtime girlfriend who had been cheating on him and not treating him right. He loved her too much to leave and was stuck in a quandry. The person in charge of the Q/A session told the man that he begged to differ with him--that he did not really love his girlfriend. At first I thought his response was way off, but then he continued to tell the man is that the person he loved is the person his girlfriend once was or what he dreamed could be, not the person his girlfriend had become. That, to me, was a valid point--perhaps the love you have for your wife in your case might be worth examining.

Just food for thought.

Have you ever thought about how many times she has to cheat before you're done?

What is your dealbreaker in this relationship?

How much disrespect are you willing to take before you realise she's not going to stop and you have the right to be married to a wife that so easily engages in intercourse with other men to the the point that she's lost count?

Can I ask what your reaction towards her is after you find out?
How do you treat her?
Has she ever really felt that you were going to leave her as a result?

The answer to these questions could have a lot to do with this situation.

Dude-visit the chump lady (www.chumplady.com)

I can't sugar coat this. You have nothing to work with here.

Stop trying untangle the skein of her fuckedupness. It will certainly keep you occupied but not on the right things. You should be

1. Getting tested for STDs
2. Get some counseling for yourself to find out why you undervalue your worth.
3. Understand that she has disrespected you several times.

Once is generally enough and a deal breaker for most. When someone your married to is sleeping with someone that isn't you, they just aren't that into you anymore. Live it, learn it. It's the sucky truth but the truth nonetheless. She's shown you who she is.

Time for you to believe her!!

ilostitinthedivorce.com