Hi,
So sorry for your loss, By this I mean lose him! Cheating is cheating, It is a deal breaker.At his age - there is not much that one can sweep under the rug, You cant teach a horse or dog whatever the expression is new tricks- You just take the time to heal yourself and focus on you and that divine energy that you fill yourself up with - the same will be attracted right back to you,
Honestly- "He ..............then had more interest in working it out with you,"???
My focus switches to you now, What is your worth? Actually- there is only 1 correct answer, Dont display co-dependency characteristics, Dont let your Inner child (ego) play a pity party in your heart because it wants reciprocity,Life is to be enjoyed, Be kind and gentle to yourself and shower yourself abundantly with all the goodness of life, Light Peace Clarity in abundance to you hugs,

Osheana- Thank you for this advice. I go between this train of thought and having faith to rebuild. Internally I feel I do something to push nice men to affairs even though I love them so much. So, rebuilding gives me opportunity to fix something I feel I lacked. However, I see how many people cheat and I see it as a very selfish trait. I lost respect and admiration for him and he fell off that pedestal. What a shame to risk a healthy relationship for some excitement and attention. He is putting much effort into rebuilding but why cant people do that before the destruction? Ugh.

This was not your fault, and you know it.
Every man loves a new car, new truck, new motorcycle, new woman....
ITs the weak minded men that give up and step out and get a play toy, and that is what she is, a play toy.
Dont take him back.
Be healthy for yourself, focus on the new you that will bloom from this.
deal with this hurt and pain work through it, focus on yourself.
You know you recovered from the last issue, which means you will recover from this as well.
You know the red flags. You know the feeling of love and betrayal.

Reflect and know you will be a stronger version of yourself if you do the work.

I so agree with MemphisWH. It is sooooo true- the second time around with him- you are handing over your power,your life force- Say this and mean it when you say it. I love MySelf. I say it daily all through out the day. Here is why I say it. This world will teach you a version of how to Love yourself. People will hand you some real ###!!!!! on a golden platter. Your taught to love yourself from the outside in not the inside out!. Trust me...........................................The Most Profound Relationship that YOU will e----v----e-----r have in this world is with yourself. Dearest Beloved Take care of your heart. It longs for the true version of itself- true pure love. And I know you may be thinking"Hey I'll give it a shot- but what about giving yourself that shot??? <3<3<3<3<3 Remember....... You LOVE yourself. The only way it could make sense to me is if a person is Dead on Transparent and heres what that looks like in your instance-

Him: Hey, I love you but I can t promise you monogamy. This is what is going on with me. Im not monogamous- not at this stage in my life- but uhh I want to work it out but I dont know if I can fully commit the way you need me to...

You: Maybe we need time apart so you can work that out---- I am not into sharing you and I dont want you to struggle and for you to feel like your running this sort of a commitment marriage Race----. Life is to be enjoyed.Relationships are to make each party grow,become the best version of themselves and learn more about their True Self. This is why certain people cross our paths in life.

Whatever decision you make- please always remember that same energy comes back to you. You cant escape you. You cant run into the relationship again with him to escape you because everywhere you go , there you are.
Believe me when I tell you- the Universe lets us encounter certain situations(eg- bad relationships or marriages to teach us something that we need to fix within ourselves. If this was not true- ask yourself- well why would I stay with someone who cheated-what is it in me that feels I should go back to this guy-Answer this then fix you, not him, fix you- Hugs to you Light to you. In abundance in so much abundance. Peace...Clarity. I love Myself. <3

Not a 2nd cheat from him. my ex cheated on me too. So thats why its another blow. My man now is promising never again and he found us a great psychologist and bought us recovery help books. He also does not blame me and admits he was selfish and ego driven and its not his real character. He always chastised cheaters its crazy he did this. If there is such thing as rebuilding/renewing/fixing then I think /hope we can. He has cut off contact with OW. i know he was in fog because of her for like 5 weeks post catching them. But i feel his presence now/his attentiveness/his desire to work it out. This does not mean I can get over it though. I cry everyday.

I am very sorry to hear how you are suffering. My husband cheated dozens and dozens of times on me. It's been over two years but it still feels like my heart has been cut out of my chest. My self esteem is zero and I hate myself so much. I have been considering suicide as the only way to ever be free of the pain. I can't see any other way out. I hope you find healing and peace.

Precious Friend,

I am so glad that it sounds like there is hope. Please know that it is never your fault. You do not make these men cheat. It is their choice. I am glad to hear he has found a good psychologist. I also recommend that you check out some of the marriage boot camps or marriage intensives there are for couples, where you go for three or four days and work intensively on your marriage with professional counselors. Some of them can be expensive, but some places offer scholarships so do not let money prevent you. It will take some time to rebuild your marriage and your trust again, but it sounds like you are taking steps in the right d.irection

Sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Expose the A. To her family also.

https://www.marriagebuilders.com/when-should-an-affair-be-exposed.htm

I totally agree with exposing the affair. Worked for me.

Thanks for this link. The one obstacle I have with him is wanting him to tell the mutual connection they have and he has not!

Just remember, it isn't about something wrong with you. It is something wrong with them. Some type of emptiness that they cannot fulfill. Unfortunately you were with them at the time.

Jason - thank you so much! I do need to remember that. I have the luck of the draw I guess. Cursed possibly.

What is the mutual connection?