Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Cheated on again

Flipper77
Flipper77

So if you haven’t read my other post I am married to a narcissist who is emotionally abusive, lies, and cheats.  He keeps saying he will change but doesn’t.  I really want to leave, but I don’t have the finances to.  So I am stuck in a miserable situation just buying my time till I finish school and can support myself and our son, who is about to turn 2.  And my husband recently cheated again.  He has a traveling job and one night didn’t contact me till midnight.  He said it just didn’t occur to him to check in.  I knew he cheated again and after telling him over and over that I know he is lying, he confessed to just kissing a girl.  He initially confessed to having sex with one girl, and said he was going to change and that it would never happen again.  Since then he has come home really late from work on several occasions and confessed to only trying to have sex with girls.  According to him they all turned him down.  And this one they only kissed.  I want to believe him, although it is almost as bad as sleeping with the because I know he would have (if what he is saying is true about it not happening).  Now for the first time after 7 years of a marriage filled with abuse and lies he is admitting to being a sex addict.  Or having sexually compulsive behavior.  He has even had a coworker complain to his boss because he picked her up and put her in a chair and started touching her breast and trying to kiss her.  She kept turning her head and telling him to go home to his wife.  He said that he could tell she wanted him because the way she looked at him.  I was pregnant while all this was happening BTW.  But, now he is in a free program that is supposed to help you fix your life and he says he is trying for real this time to get better.  He says he wants to be a good father.  I forgave him many time because I thought he was just hurt and needed love.  He was severely abused as a child.  I guess that somehow excused his behavior in my mind.  But it doesn’t anymore.  However, I want to believe that he can actually change this time.  I’m not very hopeful, and I’m not desperately in love with him like I used to be.  I really am here because I have no family support.  My mother is a narcissist as well as an alcoholic and actually sides with him a lot of the time.  And my father is passed.  I’m just so confused.  I feel like my brain is scrambled after 7 years of abuse.  Am I crazy for thinking there is a small chance he is being honest about only having sex with one girl?  Or for hoping that he can actually change?  

StormPetrel
StormPetrel
He is not going to change. He is who he is and that's that. Keep in mind that he is modeling behaviors for your son. The sooner you get out of this situation, the better it will be for you and your child.

I am sorry you feel so alone. Put some distance between you and your mother so her toxicity does not affect you. Find some new friends to enjoy life with. I met so many people through my children. You do not need to tell them about the mess your marriage is in. Maybe one day, but for now you need to be around nice people enjoying life.

Have you talked to a lawyer yet? You need to. You might be able to get out sooner than you think. Have you started putting money aside? There are ways you can do that so your H does not suspect anything.

To answer your question: Yes, your are crazy if you think he is telling you the truth. He is not going to change. He might pretend for a while, but he will continue to cheat because it's what he does.
MemphisWH
MemphisWH
He will not change, you can not make him change or help him change.

You need to stop the cycle, it will hurt but you have to protect yourself and then your child.

Surround yourself with strong supportive people. Find people to let you vent.
This cycle of abuse will only tear you down more. You might not even realize how much this has hurt you for years after its over.
Distant yourself from him as much as possible.
He will always lie and attempt to control you.
Stop having sex with him, you dont want an STD.
Flipper77
Flipper77
One issue we have is we cannot get divorced yet due to a chapter 13 bankruptcy that is still active. The second is I gave up my career to be a full time mom. I do work part-time now but I can’t do more because I’m in school full time. And I would have to work evenings so no daycares in my area are open that late. And paying a babysitter is too expensive. Well both are. I can’t give up school because I need a career that will fit with the my sons schedule. I teach piano so once he is in school he would be there all day and I would have to leave as soon as he got home because I’m working with other kids when they get out of school. Leaving me with no time with my son, and out $1000+ for childcare. I can’t let strangers raise my son while I slave to make ends meet. I graduate at the end of next year which is syncronistically when the bankruptcy is up too. The program he is doing is 8 months long. I told him he has until the divorce/bankruptcy to show me he is serious. He has a very extensive list to do if he wants to stay. And even then I want a divorce even if by some miracle he achieved doing everything on the list for a year and a half. It’s going to be tough, but I’m getting stronger and more aware. I just visualize being independent in a career I love, with my son. It helps sometimes. But I have my moments of misery.