Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Very long story short - I found about a month and a half ago that my common-law husband had cheated on me and had another child with this woman. This man kept it a secret for well over 3 years. It was our daughter who ended up telling me because she couldn't hold onto the secret any longer. I found out that so many people knew and i was completely in the dark. I feel like my heart was ripped from my chest and shredded into a million pieces. I have always felt in the back of my mind that something was being kept from me and that something was going on. Sometimes it was the way he acted - i would question him and say "Do you have something to tell me?" and he would always say no and change the subject quickly. After i found out - i asked him to leave but he refused. He said this was his home too and that we needed to work things out. He told me he has faith that we will work it out and stay together. I don't have much faith in that happening. You see i'm very very hurt, so angry and frustrated. I'm not sure if it's the fact that he cheated and has another child or if it's the fact that he lied to me for 3+ years. I feel like i don't know who this man is anymore. To me he lived a double life. He is fully involved in this childs life and it baffles me how he kept this a secret for so long. I am struggling with this on a daily basis. I'm not going to lie - there are days that i feel fine and i'm happy and i think you know what i'm going to be ok but then there are days when i can hardly function. There are days when i don't feel like getting out of bed. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling and he says he understands but it doesn't come without him getting mad and frustrated with me. Most of the people who knew about this were his family and they all want me to talk to them but why would i talk to them about their son, or brother etc.... I have only told a couple of my friends as i don't want to be judged and told get rid of him - get rid of him.... This is a 26 year relationship. How do i just throw that away? But how do i trust and love again? How do i get past this? Is it possible?
Hugs!!!
I don't know how long the family knew about it... Some i know knew about it from the beginning because he told me that he needed to talk about it. My oldest daughter found out in May/June of 2016 by mistake and he had to come clean with her at that point.... She told him to tell me multiple times and he kept saying i will, i will but never did. She then in turn told my next daughter who was devastated but she promised not to tell. There were times that i thought something was up because she started to become very angry when it came to stuff with her dad but i chalked it up to her being a teenager and she was going through boyfriend stuff too so i over looked it. When my oldest told me - they both thought i was mad at them for not telling me but i was mad at him for involving some many people in is web of lies. In regards to trusting him - i just really don't know - and that is what has me so frustrated.... How do i believe anything he says now? I have to admit that i do see a change in him over the last 6 weeks or so that it has come out but i have to wonder if it's just the initial honeymoon phase and he need to make things look good for now. Does that make sense?
Has he cheated before? You mentioned you were hurt by the lies but what about the cheating?
My oldest daughter is actually my step daughter and she was a result of him cheating on me. My daughter was born right after her. When he cheated the first time - we ended it and we didn't get back together until our daughter was almost 2. The first time - it was just different - yes of course I was hurt and it did take me a long time to get over it but I think because I had other things going on in my life - it was easier. I don't know. I just know it was different. We weren't living together back then either. We were just in our early 20's. Not like that makes any difference. Maybe it was the fact that there was not as much time invested into the relationship at that point? I don't know. Now this time around - it feels 100 times worse. We have committed to one another or well at least I thought we did - made a home together, raised kids together, pretty much everything that comes with it. And then he turns around and betrays me like this. When I first found out - he tried to deny it. Told me I was crazy and whoever said those things about him was lying.... I told him it was his daughter and he was shocked. He didn't know what to do or say.... He then tried to twist it around on me saying that I was neglecting him so he turned to someone else. I quickly fixed that. Don't get me wrong - i'm really hurt at the fact that he cheated - he said it lasted about 3 months on and off. At first she didn't know about me but she found out and still she continued this relationship with him. You know what - i don't even want to start in about her.... He said he ended it and then he found out she was pregnant. And well 3.5 years later and here we are. Everything is just screwed up and it's all so frustrating.
1. Twice he's cheated and had children with other women.
2. He lies.
3. When caught in his lies he tries to turn it on you.
4. You have daughters. Are they going to look at you and decide they don't want to be like you or that you have been a good strong example for them?
Please remember these things and say them to yourself every day.
1. You are worth more than this.
2. You deserve more than this.
3. You can have more than this.
4. You are enough for ANY man.