Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance can lead to a whole adult lifetime of living a lie. Ignorance can lead to not knowing you have an STD until it's too late, less treatable or untreatable, has caused miscarriages etc. You can never un-ring the bell. Welcome to the place you never wanted to be. We betrayed spouses know how you feel. You are in shock right now. He has shown you who he truly is: believe him. With *only* 5 years of marriage you do not have years and years of sunk costs invested in your marriage. You can choose to move on, start over, and find someone worthy of you. Someone who will not lie to you, cheat on you and shatter your trust. Had I known *only* 5 years in what I know now, I would have chosen differently. Reconciliation can only begin if there is genuine remorse, a willingness for 100% transparency in all things, and a ton of individual counseling on his part. Seek individual counseling for yourself so you have support in processing all these emotions and making decisions that are in your best interest. Hugs!

So many questions to ask before I can give you my 2 cents! Did you "catch" him, or did he come clean on his own? Is his remorse genuine (does he feel so terrible that you actually feel pity on him, or is he childishly defensive)? Does he have addiction issues (alcohol, Internet porn)? I definitely agree with "betrayedtodeath" that you need to IMMEDIATELY get tested for STD's and get to a therapist as soon as you can...your physical and mental health is a priority at this point! Believe me...you will have plenty of time to assess if your marriage is worth saving in the months to come. I completely understand your hesitation to tell close family and friends until you have a better handle on the situation, BUT you may have a friend or family member that is more objective and trustworthy than you realize (maybe the cousin or aunt that seems to have an inexplicable amount of unconditional love for those we think unworthy of it ). These next few days, weeks, months are going to feel unbearable, but I PROMISE you have more strength than you think...you will get through this, but you need to focus on one thing at a time and take it one day at a time, your health being first on the list! The only way I can describe the experience is like the death of a spouse...the person you married has died, and now you are faced with someone you feel you don't know...there truly may be hope for your marriage depending on his commitment to dealing with the emotional baggage that has led him down this destructive path, but you absolutely have no control over his choices and behavior. You do, however, have control over your own and how you handle this. There is power in that (even though it doesn't feel that way now). Sadly, there are a lot of us out here that know the pain you are feeling, but take comfort that you are not alone...

I was dating a man for 5 years and found out he was married. The whole 5 years. I didn't have a choice if I wanted to be a mistress or not. I thought I was in a momogous relationship. He was having unprotected sex with both of us. He wants to stay with his wife BUT he's still talking to me. I'm angry, depressed, hurt. I gave this man my everything for 5 years.

Ugh. This sucks. You are on a roller coaster of emotions and can't get off the ride for what will feel like forever.

Serial cheaters are narcissists. You have been taken advantage of and used because you serve a purpose.

You deserve real love. Do whatever you can to disengage and get support from friends. Online, councelor, etc.

I'm in a similar situation. He stole most of my adult life.

Check out ChumpLady.com.

We have been together on and off for 10 years. We both have kids from previous relationships and 1 together. Leaving him is not an option. My mother has been married and divorced 4 times. My father divorced 3 and married 4. I won't do that to my children. It was a special kind of hell for my siblings and I. I'm young. But I had to grow up fast. I have been on my own since 16. My husband has been my best friend since just before my 15th birthday. Weather we where together or not he was always there for me ( not in a sexual way. That was never an option when we where broke up) . He has an addiction to online porn. He has never had an ongoing relationship with any of these people he has cheated with. It isn't emotional for him. I know this because I have the emails. All of them since 2013. I think he has a problem that he needs help for. From the outside looking in everyone thinks our relationship is the definition of what a marriage should look like; and up until the cheating it was. This doesn't make me love him any less. This doesn't change the fact he is a great father. This doesn't change that he works hard for his family and always has. He can put in 40 to 100 hours a week at an extremely physical job and when he comes home still finds the time for his kids and me. No matter how tired he is. This doesn't change that he stuck with me through severe depression and anxiety (seriously it would have been easier to leave than stick it out). We have tuffed it out through custody battles that got flat out nasty and through my rape when he couldn't touch me for months. All of this is what makes the fact he cheated hurt so much worse. I wish I could look at him and hate him. I wish I could walk away and find someone who wouldn't cheat on me. I wish that I could go back and never fall in love with him in the first place but I can't. How do you look at someone that has gone through so much with you and hate them?

If leaving him is not an option and he is continuing to cheat, then this is what he will continue to do for the duration of your relationship. You may think he has a problem that he needs help for; does he think so too? Because you can't fix this. Only he can and only if he truly wants to change. You mention he has no emotional attachment with his APs. This is fairly common with serial cheaters and also with some people who have a character and/or personality disorder. Ask me how I know. No, you don't have to hate him. But what you will model to your kids is that its ok for daddy to cheat because he works hard and pays the bills (entitlement) and mommy doesn't value her own worth and accepts his lies, betrayal and disrespect. They will learn by example its ok to be a cheater and there are no consequences. You are worthy of a true and loving partner; we all are. If he is remorseful and can put in a ton of work in individual counseling then he can change if he wants to. Otherwise he will continue to treat you like this and the price you pay will erode your self worth and happiness.