Wake up, she is just trying to have her cake and to eat it too. She just wants your permission after she is already having a lover on the side.

Don't agree to this. In fact, get more of a backbone and toss her out. One-time thing is so not true!

I so agree with jimthzz!!!

You do need to wake up. What are those marriage vows you both took all about? Forsaking all others? huh?

She gets to unilaterally change your marriage contract? huh?

No. You should be with a woman who shares your values, not this hussy.

yuck, she waited to have a child with you before laying this incredibly shallow selfish side of herself on you, best thing you can do for your child is to divorce her. it makes no sense to co-parent with such an unprincipled creature

I appreciate all the support here. I told her it couldn't continue if she expected for us to stay together. I love her and I don't want our child to grow up in a divorced household. Ball is in her court now. She admitted to the selfishness of it all. I'm not sensing a lot of remorse though. Part of that might have been my fault though. I may have made an attempt to forgive her before she asked for it. And so I start therapy for all the things wrong with that...

You sense no remorse because there is no remorse.

Do not blame yourself. Put the blame where it belongs: on her

Yes, it is a shame that your child will have to grow up in a divorced household. Your wife made that choice.

Forgiveness is earned. What has your cheating wife done to earn your forgiveness?

Do all the therapy you want. But get busy with that divorce and get full custody. I am sure the child will just be in the way, after all she has all this fantasy life she wants to live out..

best thing for children is a set of stable parents that put the children's family first
if you accept a remorseless cheater ... that may mess up your stability
and you are the only parent that puts your child's welfare first

yuck hell no.....she needs to get in sex therapy ASAP!!!

I think it depends on what you want. Some couples have successful open marriages. However, if that's not your thing then you have to convey what you want and see if she can give that to you.

Personally I wouldn't be able to see my loved one/marriage partner be intimate with another one. It's not good for trust. I have heard of couples that like this sort of thing but it doesn't seem like something a couple with a young child should do. I wonder if she would feel the same about bringing another woman into your bedroom. A woman of your choice.

Good luck with your situation. Could you trust your wife 100%? Are you going to be wondering what she's up to when you don't talk for a few hours or can't reach her? I would really have some trust issues. Sex is - in my opinion - very intimate and should be between a husband and wife. Not shared with another 3rd party. That's just me..

Put your child 1st. He is the most important.

ALSO NONE OF ANY OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!! You were loyal happy and working while keeping with your family. That is what a decent man should be doing. Not out meeting another woman/man and hooking up for sex. I wouldn't be able to look at her the same.

She is getting thrashed here. Is she deserving? Maybe she will attend therapy with you. Bless you for your patience with her.

My wife and I have been communicating throughout the week. We went on a date Saturday for Father's Day. I've been trying to trust how I feel on this because I tend to think myself into corners. I'm trying to follow my heart for once and tell my head to shutup a bit. My wife wants to consider polyamory. She admits it is a selfish way for it to come up. She is considering therapy for herself, but wants to talk to her parents who have been together for 30+ years and have been swingers for at least 5 of those years. I am not open to the idea of swinging, though mutual sharing is an idea I could consider.

At first, I've been telling myself she risks losing her family over all of this. She says that relationship with her "other" isn't worth losing us, but she wants to possibly explore it. We talked and talked more about it. The more I thought about it, the more I'm seeing this as an opportunity. I might be able to have a supportive "friend with benefits" outside of my marriage and my wife wants to help me with potentially finding someone. I felt sick over everything, but now, while I feel a twinge of anxiety, I feel better. My wife is my everything. I love her and I DO trust her, though a big piece of that trust is damaged. I told her, if she had wanted to consider these things in our marriage we should have talked about it.

I believe she is deserving. We dated for 4 years and have been married almost 5. I believe she hasn't cheated on me before, though she has admitted to having feelings for the man she cheated on me with on and off for a few years and did nothing.

We have laid down some ground rules, since now we are doing this together.

1. We still have to repair the breach of trust she made by cheating on me.
2. She will not sleep with this other man again until I have a chance to potentially consider another woman for myself.
3. Protection at all times.
4. Family is always first, our son, our marriage, etc. This is an enhancement we will engage in when we have time.
5. No PDA's should we cross paths with our other partners. (I see her other partner at times due to accompanying my wife to work functions).

Also, if her current other man doesn't like our rules, or if anyone on my end doesn't, that is on them.

Maybe I am naïve, but before this incident, I have never had any reason to not trust my wife. We communicate very well. Our sex life is good. We are both getting support and/or therapy. Above all, if either of us feels like this is jeopardizing our marriage or our life with our son, we stop. I've been reading up on polyamory and I actually feel okay about exploring this.

I'm sure I'll get a scoff from some of the supportive hardliners who have commented. I do appreciate their perspective. But I think this one time thing my wife did, and for which we need to repair, may be an opportunity for us. There are lots of questions. But I think I'm on the right track. I'd rather explore something new with my wife than be calling a divorce lawyer.

good luck to you

i'll hold a good thought for your child
and i won't read this thread anymore

I don't think you should be calling divorce lawyers - it's simple as deciding whether you want what she wants - rationships are about give and take - you don't have to only give -

Thanks to you guys for support. Our son is definitely the most important part of this situation, so I appreciate your thoughts. I also don't think I'll be calling the divorce lawyer. So far, she has agreed to follow rules I set (and so has the guy in question) to see if I can explore a relationship outside of our marriage also. I started therapy. So far its been a lot of boundary setting and re-communication. I'm actually meeting someone next week who has the potential to be my "other." One day at a time. I'm willing to try what my wife is interested in doing. I don't feel awful or sick about it. But she is also getting into therapy. We have to repair the break in trust the initial encounter caused regardless of what happens.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and support. I have really appreciated it.

This hardliner says it's because of these things that the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience.
God killed Jezebel's children with death (pestilence) because of her fornication. Maybe this will remove your blinders:

Rev. 2:2-23 "But I have this against thee, that thou sufferest the woman Jezebel, who calleth herself a prophetess; and she teacheth and seduceth my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed to idols. And I gave her time that she should repent; and she willeth not to repent of her fornication. Behold, I cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of her works. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he that searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give to each one of you according to your works."

Making up your own rules instead of submitting to God's? Regarding polyamory, after reading the above passage, it makes me think of this also:
"That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath long ago been" Ecc. 3:15.

By the way, if this forthcoming lifestyle is so great, why keep talking about therapy? And if your trying to heal the breach of trust caused by that act of adultery, why prepare to repeat the same act? Can you not see that it would be the same act???
Husbands are actually permitted by God( though it's not ideal) to have more than one WIFE( not extramarital partner) but not if they're looking to be a bishop or deacon. But wives are never permitted to have more than one husband at a time. Yes, it's a doublestandard... If you want any hope with your wife, repent and reestablish godly boundaries. An open marriage is a broken marriage.