You don't. He's not appologizing?
If it hasn't been exposed yet... EXPOSED THE AFFAIR!
To family, friends, children, clergy, and especially, the lover's spouse be informed. If the affair is at the workplace each person's supervisor and/or the personnel department should be told, unless there is a policy the they will be fired for work relationships.

Other issues

Many betrayed spouses are afraid that exposure will drive the unfaithful spouse further away. While it's true that unfaithful spouses usually feel betrayed and angry when their affair is exposed, I regard that reaction as being part of the fog that most addicts experience. When the fog has finally lifted, and the source of addiction no longer has control, the value of exposure is usually conceded by the addict himself.

Some feel that an affair should not be exposed to children. Granted, I would not tell a 3-year old about an affair, simply because a child that young cannot possibly understand what it means. But I would not hesitate to reveal an affair to a child 7 years or older. Exposure to those between those ages should be a matter of discretion. (Explanation doesn't have to be graphic)

I exposed my H affair. All contact stopped immediately.

Doesn't sound like there's anything you can do to move forward with a man not willing to admit his mistake cut all ties with what he did and with her and move forward with just you and to show you every day how much he loves you cares for you. Telling you to get over it says he doesn't really care. Your time is more important then that

This affair makes his character blatantly obvious to you and to anyone else who knows of it. Even more importantly, it is obvious to him, too. This will cause him to become energetically defensive, not only to you but to himself. It will be critical that he make this into your fault somehow to provide him the illusion of justification for his actions. Prepare yourself for this! No one ever gives someone a reason for infidelity. It is a choice made by an incredibly self-centered person not caring about the impact to others, even his children. I hope he has within him the capacity to man-up to his sins and invest himself to saving his marriage and family. Whether he does or not, you must know in your heart what he did was an evil act motivated only by what is within him, not by you. Anger, bitterness, betrayal, are only the initial feelings in what will seem to be a tsunami of emotions to come. Do not allow this to make you a victim for every action he commits in the days ahead. Do not let yourself be swept away without a plan and tasks for yourself to complete. Prepare yourself emotionally, financially, and yes, even legally for the worst, but pray for the best. You have to think of your children in addition to your own well-being.

As to telling your children... I don't agree with that approach. You may inadvertently be resetting their own standards in morality, if they want to continue to love their father (and they will). They are children, not adults and cannot understand with maturity the situation. Children tend to be black and white in their perspectives and will not be able to handle the internal decisions you would be forcing on them. You are their mother, not a friend looking for reassurance from them as other friends. If everything proceeds in the worst way possible, they will know the truth in the years to come without your telling them now. Be the strong, reliable loving mother for them through the difficulties ahead and that will speak far louder than any story you tell of what their father has done.

Praying for strength and peace for you and your children.

Thank you all for the comments. His children know what was going on, his daughter seen some text between the 2 and called him out on it. He didn't try to end it. Then one night his phone was ringing at 2;30 in the morning and it was the other lady's number, so I text and asked her very politely to "please leave my family alone". Well about 3 weeks later I get a message on fb from her husband. He goes on to tell me everything. When I started asking questions only my husband would know he figured out I had talked to her husband. The husband has been stalking my family for the last 3 years. He knew too much about where I work, my hours I was gone from home, ect..., things have actually been kinda scary. These are the kind of people who attack or do even worse. Btw, I have contacted the police about the stalking and since I had it in a message where he admitted it a restraining order was issued.

I wish I had advice, but i can't seem to get a handle on my own marriage.

I will say that talking to people who can relate helps. I stumbled across this group a few days ago. Before then, i had noone to discuss my feelings with. Even though his family and mine knows, they pretend everything is ok.

My only advice is to talk it out with others or you will lose yourself.

I'm afraid you can't move forward with the marriage if he is not repentant.

If my wife had not been repentant I would have divorced her as I don't need someone like that in my life. I'm giving a second chance to a woman who was like that, but is working to change into someone better.

Firstly I'd like to comment on this comment written by a poster above:

"As to telling your children... I don't agree with that approach. You may inadvertently be resetting their own standards in morality, if they want to continue to love their father (and they will). They are children, not adults and cannot understand with maturity the situation. Children tend to be black and white in their perspectives and will not be able to handle the internal decisions you would be forcing on them."

I beg to differ that nothing could be further from the truth. And I think it would be safe to say you don't have a diploma in child psychology, LOL. Those who believe this, that they keep it from the children to protect them, do so because of their own shame around the infidelity. It has nothing to do with protecting the children, and everything to do with protecting themselves from their children's and others' judgement. It's cowardly, controlling and disrespectful, and done to serve the parent's purposes, not the children's.

Cuppy213 it doesn't sound like your cheating husband has much respect for you, even after all the things you've done for him and his children (I'm presuming their his?). It's natural that you would feel hurt amongst many other things.

The only way I can see out is to pack your bags and leave. He doesn't sound like much of a catch so what is it in particular that keeps you hanging on? If you've been together for a long time, I'd go and seek the advice of a lawyer (many offer a free half-hour consultation) to find out what your rights are.

Keeping yourself stuck, like so many betrayed spouses do, trying to figure out the why and how their CS could do this to them, is futile. There will never be a good enough reason for what they've done, so to dwell on it is purely an exercise in self torture. Stop doing this. Empower yourself. You know you're a good and decent person who could never do this to anyone. Go with that and don't look back. If anything, spend the time figuring out why you'd want to stay with someone who has done this to you, and why you'd get involved with someone capable of doing it.

Wishing you well.

Are you happy within, do you love yourself? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, then you have eliminated yourself from his being able to blame you for.

Is he happy within, does he love himself? If no, and I suspect that such is so, then he has problems that quite possibly require professional attention.

Ideal relationships, although rare, are so because both parties are self-happy and self-loving, neither is dependent on the other re emotional stimulation. Do you depend on him re your happiness and loving and, does he depend on you in the same way?

The biggest problem I found impossible to overcome when I was cheated upon was being able to forget, I loved her the same, but I found it impossible to believe she would never do it again given she did it the once already, with the sad thing about that being, she quite possibly would never have done, I wasn't prepared to take the punt. I made the right decision, whatever decision I made would have been.

You now have a decision to make, those of us who have been there and done that say it is an easy one, given that you never have makes it instead a tough one. Whatever your decision it will be right for the time. Good luck.

And I'm with Lenoire, shield the children in no way, they should be exposed to the good-and-bad/ups-and-downs in relationships, it informs them that relationships of any kind can be rocky at times, if not in fact a damn waste of time.

I agree about telling the kids. When we had our D Day my husband sat down with our son as soon as he came home from school and told him, "I cheated on your mother." Granted, our son was 14 at the time and not 7, but we still felt it was important that he know what's going on. The kids will hear you two talking about it anyway and will surely feel the tension in the air. Kids aren't stupid and they know when something's wrong. By telling them the truth in an age appropriate way you'll teach them that certain behaviors are deal breakers and everyone needs healthy boundaries. By keeping your mouth shut you teach them the opposite.....that they should be doormats.