Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
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'nudes sent condoms bought'...
I made the big call and talked to the woman I thought he went to see (after sending a 'head shot'-lol good term for it- to her).
Sure enough, when I confronted him after finding the condom receipt, the missing tank of gas and the picture messages he sent to a long distance number...he tried to lie his way out of it, and I almost let it go...
But I made the call...
She says--- he was on Plenty of fish, has been messaging her for a hook-up for months, said he was single (she said she had doubts), came to her Sunday morning, they watched a movie then went to have sex, in the middle of it he stopped to ask what was wrong, and she explained she wanted to be sure he was single and had a weird feeling about things, he said we broke up four days before-he had no intention of ever getting back together, apparently being quite adamant about it. (she had details of an argument we had so I know he did talk) She said he wanted to spend the night but since she had to be up at 4am, he left...She said he texted her the next week, asking if she found a guy to join them...She thought wtf and responded she was not looking. She said he called and she ignored it.
I confronted him...are you ready to be honest? I know about Michelle....
His story, yes he went there sunday, but the first time he talked to her was Saturday night, yes it was from plenty of fish but it was a profile he had up before we met, (he first denied he had a profile til I said, 'don't have a profile anymore because you deleted it monday morning, Oldscat455' )he never said he didn't want to reconcile. He loves me and he knows he made a mistake.
OK, so he was caught sexting early in the relationship, he sluffed it off basically, thats the way he talks with those friends, me saying its unacceptable, him saying ok. Then he is texting chicks saying he is bored and what are they up to when he is at work. I play the unaceptable card. OK, seems understood. Then texts were deleted, one time 40 of them in one day. I snap, deleting means you have something to hide, no it was just none of my business (WTF-Over?) Unacceptable-not to happen again!..Then he is on comp after I sleep, singles ads, facebook, Msn. Unacceptable! couple days later phone calls deleted, I get mad, told nothing was deleted-I dont know what I am talking about, he doesnt understand what I am talking about-did nothing...I call the bullshit card, We have to have honesty to have a relationship, I go to spend the night at a girlfriends, that was the saturday night before the sunday in question... I end up staying there til wednesday night because of all the BS, he has always been honest and I am imagining things and I dont love him, blah-blah-bs-bs-yadda-yadda...
Then I find the pic message after i come home (head-shot and XXX head-shot to her and head shot to an e-mail) he was just goofing around, had no intentions and it meant nothing...he spent sunday at a friends went to another friends in the evening, (I knew BS -face pic showed int of his truck at lunch hour) condom receipt- yes had bad plans but threw them out the window and drove around the city all day and night. (turns out the e-mail address he sent to is a relatively local couple looking for people to join them)
So yeah, I know he lies...
I have been talking with one of his buddies for the last few days, turns out when we met, he didn't have a roomate who he had a one night stand gone bad with, she was his live in girlfriend, he moved in with me when she put his stuff on the lawn. Les says he thought I changed Evan, that Evan loved me and was faithful. Les says I should walk, I deserve better (I think Les has a crush and his opinion may be a bit bias-another prob altogether).
I have since hacked into his online bill for his cell phone. (He dropped the detailed billing about 6 months ago-but online it is available) The calls he deleted that resulted in me spending the night at a friends were made to tele-personals. Lava-life and Grapevine,. while I was asleep (Last Saturday on his way to work he called cell-customer service for some reason-knowing the time his phone said he made this call I compared it to the bill to be certain, and yes the time on the bill is the correct time.)Last six months... His cell phone browser (internet) is busiest between midnight and 5am. He also texts during these housr (text sent/text received)also pics sent or received (i think-WAP alert it says). Also something called 'txt 40 serv'. His phone apparently doesn't work at his shop at work and the battery dies, so he leaves it in his truck- I am to be assured he is innocent there. well he texts during work hours and also does Wap alert and txt40 serv...I found strange numbers he has called and written them down, I plan to call to see who answers and tell them I dialed wrong...
I have confronted him a couple days ago about the texting and cell browser while I sleep, He denies it, he also denies using his phone at work...I have not mentioned I accessed his online bill...When his bill used to be detailed he had said the times must be mistaken, I have his cell today, I will text to confirm time and pic mess to confirm time and detail (wap or txt 40) then delete so he doesn't know...I initially went on to see if he activated a pay as you go, he has left his phone home for over a week to show he is not trying to contact anyone and is honest and faithful, my initial reaction is to think he must have an alternative...(if he ever goes to his on-line billing {doubtful} his password has been changed so I could access it)
I had previous access to his facebook, but while I was gone he changed his password, I reset it (since I know his e-mail password i can do this and delete my trail) so he cannot access it right now til he resets it himself thinking he forgot the password he changed it to. Facebook will not tell you your password, you reset and pick a new one. A contact there (previous hook-up) clicked 'like' on a post he made the Saturday i left, the post has since been deleted so i have no clue as to what it was. The next day Brent (apparently where he was saturday night I left-I will confirm by asking Les who is brents roomy later) anyways, next day brent posted a 'very funny video' to Evans facebook wall, this has since been deleted, so again no idea what it was...I have a suspicion I was made a fool here somehow?? But...He was messaging girls since we had been together saying they needed to get together for a drink , said to one ' i heard you wanted to jump my bones' lotza shit...(BTW, he hates drinking, a fight starts if I want a beer, all his friend drink but that is ok, just I cant, though he drank with me when we first met)
As I said, I think I may get some answers from Les and more digging. I will try the personals online to see if I can enter his accounts. Forgot password, they send him an e-mail, I then know password and delete e-mail. I may know how long things have gone on and to what extent. If I confront, I want more ammo.
As it stands, single profiles were old ones that had not been used, I may accept that as I have some that I have not accessed since with him. But he did call Lavalife and Grapevine, ( I mentioned what the deleted calls that led to my leaving were-he never clued in how I found out-whew) He says we were not getting along and the calls were only for a few minutes. ok, both honest answers, but whatever, I dont call when we argue about deleted texts or computer use.
K yes, our relationship was in question when the OW happened (his excuse), but it was in question because of his actions, he knew I knew he was lying about his actions and this was why I left for the night, tired of yelling and lies...but should I accept the 'not sure if we are a couple anymore' excuse for finding a f**k? I didnt, it never crossed my mind, he wouldnt leave my mind! He says he loves me and wasn't looking for a hook-up, havent gotten to what he was looking for (could be just dirty talk, but hey I like that, he never asked)
What he said and what Michelle(the OW) said don't line up? How do I take this???
Something in me wants to accept it though...I know he does...
I dont want to believe our plans for a future were a lie, all the 'I love you' a lie, all the only you a lie...
I think I have been in the 'hysterical bonding' phase these last couple days, just read about it and realized it yesterday.. I still know inside things are screwed and nothing is resolved, but damn I just want to be in his arms. I see shit on his online bill yesterday, but something wants to dismiss it and not confront and just try to move past and forget...(yeah and get naked? WTF? And take things farther sexually, explore fantasies...OMG? This is hard to understand, something wants to fix it by making him not want to wander!!)
In the same breath I want everything on the table...I want to dig till I'm dug out...I want to find out if he was at brents at all, what were the posts on facebook? Can he be trusted at all? Has he cheated on all his GF's? Is it a habit that will never change? Can we get past? Will he be honest ever? Can he admit to something without me putting proof in front of him first? Is Michelle telling the truth or him? Am I what he wants at all (I am a tall twig, these women are not, I am 42, these women are his age 33, I never knew he wanted to add a man, but digging has found different)??
Where do I go from here to try to make things work?
Do I dig more? Do I forget the past to start fresh? I feel a heart to heart may be needed, how do I do this without starting an argument? Maybe I should just say screw it and block everything out for a couple months and commit to trying harder, and hope he does the same? Do I wait for him to try to talk?
I am still in love (though the waters are shallow) with this man and prefer to make it work if I can...
Could someone spin me til I am facing the right way and give me a hard shove!!! PLEASE?!
'nudes sent condoms bought'...
I made the big call and talked to the woman I thought he went to see (after sending a 'head shot'-lol good term for it- to her).
Sure enough, when I confronted him after finding the condom receipt, the missing tank of gas and the picture messages he sent to a long distance number...he tried to lie his way out of it, and I almost let it go...
But I made the call...
She says--- he was on Plenty of fish, has been messaging her for a hook-up for months, said he was single (she said she had doubts), came to her Sunday morning, they watched a movie then went to have sex, in the middle of it he stopped to ask what was wrong, and she explained she wanted to be sure he was single and had a weird feeling about things, he said we broke up four days before-he had no intention of ever getting back together, apparently being quite adamant about it. (she had details of an argument we had so I know he did talk) She said he wanted to spend the night but since she had to be up at 4am, he left...She said he texted her the next week, asking if she found a guy to join them...She thought wtf and responded she was not looking. She said he called and she ignored it.
I confronted him...are you ready to be honest? I know about Michelle....
His story, yes he went there sunday, but the first time he talked to her was Saturday night, yes it was from plenty of fish but it was a profile he had up before we met, (he first denied he had a profile til I said, 'don't have a profile anymore because you deleted it monday morning, Oldscat455' )he never said he didn't want to reconcile. He loves me and he knows he made a mistake.
OK, so he was caught sexting early in the relationship, he sluffed it off basically, thats the way he talks with those friends, me saying its unacceptable, him saying ok. Then he is texting chicks saying he is bored and what are they up to when he is at work. I play the unaceptable card. OK, seems understood. Then texts were deleted, one time 40 of them in one day. I snap, deleting means you have something to hide, no it was just none of my business (WTF-Over?) Unacceptable-not to happen again!..Then he is on comp after I sleep, singles ads, facebook, Msn. Unacceptable! couple days later phone calls deleted, I get mad, told nothing was deleted-I dont know what I am talking about, he doesnt understand what I am talking about-did nothing...I call the bullshit card, We have to have honesty to have a relationship, I go to spend the night at a girlfriends, that was the saturday night before the sunday in question... I end up staying there til wednesday night because of all the BS, he has always been honest and I am imagining things and I dont love him, blah-blah-bs-bs-yadda-yadda...
Then I find the pic message after i come home (head-shot and XXX head-shot to her and head shot to an e-mail) he was just goofing around, had no intentions and it meant nothing...he spent sunday at a friends went to another friends in the evening, (I knew BS -face pic showed int of his truck at lunch hour) condom receipt- yes had bad plans but threw them out the window and drove around the city all day and night. (turns out the e-mail address he sent to is a relatively local couple looking for people to join them)
So yeah, I know he lies...
I have been talking with one of his buddies for the last few days, turns out when we met, he didn't have a roomate who he had a one night stand gone bad with, she was his live in girlfriend, he moved in with me when she put his stuff on the lawn. Les says he thought I changed Evan, that Evan loved me and was faithful. Les says I should walk, I deserve better (I think Les has a crush and his opinion may be a bit bias-another prob altogether).
I have since hacked into his online bill for his cell phone. (He dropped the detailed billing about 6 months ago-but online it is available) The calls he deleted that resulted in me spending the night at a friends were made to tele-personals. Lava-life and Grapevine,. while I was asleep (Last Saturday on his way to work he called cell-customer service for some reason-knowing the time his phone said he made this call I compared it to the bill to be certain, and yes the time on the bill is the correct time.)Last six months... His cell phone browser (internet) is busiest between midnight and 5am. He also texts during these housr (text sent/text received)also pics sent or received (i think-WAP alert it says). Also something called 'txt 40 serv'. His phone apparently doesn't work at his shop at work and the battery dies, so he leaves it in his truck- I am to be assured he is innocent there. well he texts during work hours and also does Wap alert and txt40 serv...I found strange numbers he has called and written them down, I plan to call to see who answers and tell them I dialed wrong...
I have confronted him a couple days ago about the texting and cell browser while I sleep, He denies it, he also denies using his phone at work...I have not mentioned I accessed his online bill...When his bill used to be detailed he had said the times must be mistaken, I have his cell today, I will text to confirm time and pic mess to confirm time and detail (wap or txt 40) then delete so he doesn't know...I initially went on to see if he activated a pay as you go, he has left his phone home for over a week to show he is not trying to contact anyone and is honest and faithful, my initial reaction is to think he must have an alternative...(if he ever goes to his on-line billing {doubtful} his password has been changed so I could access it)
I had previous access to his facebook, but while I was gone he changed his password, I reset it (since I know his e-mail password i can do this and delete my trail) so he cannot access it right now til he resets it himself thinking he forgot the password he changed it to. Facebook will not tell you your password, you reset and pick a new one. A contact there (previous hook-up) clicked 'like' on a post he made the Saturday i left, the post has since been deleted so i have no clue as to what it was. The next day Brent (apparently where he was saturday night I left-I will confirm by asking Les who is brents roomy later) anyways, next day brent posted a 'very funny video' to Evans facebook wall, this has since been deleted, so again no idea what it was...I have a suspicion I was made a fool here somehow?? But...He was messaging girls since we had been together saying they needed to get together for a drink , said to one ' i heard you wanted to jump my bones' lotza shit...(BTW, he hates drinking, a fight starts if I want a beer, all his friend drink but that is ok, just I cant, though he drank with me when we first met)
As I said, I think I may get some answers from Les and more digging. I will try the personals online to see if I can enter his accounts. Forgot password, they send him an e-mail, I then know password and delete e-mail. I may know how long things have gone on and to what extent. If I confront, I want more ammo.
As it stands, single profiles were old ones that had not been used, I may accept that as I have some that I have not accessed since with him. But he did call Lavalife and Grapevine, ( I mentioned what the deleted calls that led to my leaving were-he never clued in how I found out-whew) He says we were not getting along and the calls were only for a few minutes. ok, both honest answers, but whatever, I dont call when we argue about deleted texts or computer use.
K yes, our relationship was in question when the OW happened (his excuse), but it was in question because of his actions, he knew I knew he was lying about his actions and this was why I left for the night, tired of yelling and lies...but should I accept the 'not sure if we are a couple anymore' excuse for finding a f**k? I didnt, it never crossed my mind, he wouldnt leave my mind! He says he loves me and wasn't looking for a hook-up, havent gotten to what he was looking for (could be just dirty talk, but hey I like that, he never asked)
What he said and what Michelle(the OW) said don't line up? How do I take this???
Something in me wants to accept it though...I know he does...
I dont want to believe our plans for a future were a lie, all the 'I love you' a lie, all the only you a lie...
I think I have been in the 'hysterical bonding' phase these last couple days, just read about it and realized it yesterday.. I still know inside things are screwed and nothing is resolved, but damn I just want to be in his arms. I see shit on his online bill yesterday, but something wants to dismiss it and not confront and just try to move past and forget...(yeah and get naked? WTF? And take things farther sexually, explore fantasies...OMG? This is hard to understand, something wants to fix it by making him not want to wander!!)
In the same breath I want everything on the table...I want to dig till I'm dug out...I want to find out if he was at brents at all, what were the posts on facebook? Can he be trusted at all? Has he cheated on all his GF's? Is it a habit that will never change? Can we get past? Will he be honest ever? Can he admit to something without me putting proof in front of him first? Is Michelle telling the truth or him? Am I what he wants at all (I am a tall twig, these women are not, I am 42, these women are his age 33, I never knew he wanted to add a man, but digging has found different)??
Where do I go from here to try to make things work?
Do I dig more? Do I forget the past to start fresh? I feel a heart to heart may be needed, how do I do this without starting an argument? Maybe I should just say screw it and block everything out for a couple months and commit to trying harder, and hope he does the same? Do I wait for him to try to talk?
I am still in love (though the waters are shallow) with this man and prefer to make it work if I can...
Could someone spin me til I am facing the right way and give me a hard shove!!! PLEASE?!
Are you are serious denial or what? Pretend you are someone like me and read your post again. This is what he does. He's always done it. He will continue to do it. You are just another unfortunate live-in girlfriend. KICK HIM OUT. He came to you because his previous girl kicked him out and you are talking about "committing and trying harder"? Hope you are using protection if he is getting around as much as he is and guys too? Hmmm. You are not married. Getting out of it is a couple of garbage bags away. Unless all this is OK with you, then, by all means-continue.
Do you dig more? Why??? WTF else to you need? If you haven't seen the light that this man is a scumbag you never will.
I am having a really bad day at work and maybe that's why I'm being mean to you. But we have told you over and over again that you are committed to a cheater who will never change.
I'm tired of this, you want someone to tell you to stay and work it out and you will get your happy ever after if you just try harder.
Well, you WILL get your happy ever after if you walk out that goddamn door and put this man in the past where he belongs.
Here is the man I love: he's smart, he doesn't drink very much, he has a good job and he does it well, he likes to read, he's a great dad to his kids and is a scout leader, he's organized, he's a neat dresser, he's good looking, in his spare time he plays the guitar, he likes to grows organic veggies and honey bees, he's so funny, he likes to cook dinner with me and help me clean up, he takes me out to nice restaurants after walks in his favorite forests, he gave me a beautiful pearl necklace with a diamond for Mother's Day - I'm not the mother of his children but he wanted to honor me because I am a good mother to my own kids. He loves me and tells me daily why. When I'm down and having a bad day he sends me flowers. He was cheated on, too and tried to forgive his ex but she wouldn't stop cheating. Because he knows this pain, this insanity I know that he will never do that to me just as I know I would never cheat on him. He lets me spoil him, too and is thankful and appreciative never demanding or hurtful. He has never been cruel to me. He has never made me feel doubtful about myself.
That is love. What you have with these men, is not love nor could it ever be love.
You need to start loving and respecting yourself. This poor excuse of a man is toxic.
Why would you want to settle for someone like him? Life is difficult enough with out putting up with this kind of bs. You deserve so much more then what he has to offer.
Never make someone a priority, when they make you the option!
And you are the option!
Prayers for you!
I could be so wrong here and in denial myself but I believe that there are differences in the mindset and level of neurosis/psychosis of different cheaters. Trying to make a good call as to where that mindset is based on what I know and feel- determines if a woman like me stays or gets out.
Some are not monogamous at heart, perhaps have a sociopathic or addictive desire for power struggles, attention and multiple partners feeding on the drama. They often hook up with partners who feed on the same white trash soap opera script. I personally want a Julia Roberts or Meg Ryan quality script.
I can relate to the emotions and crazy turn-ons and whiplashes of wanting to please, wanting to have honesty...
It's not been long for me since d-day. I hope you get that push from an angel in the best direction-
Having said that, this does not apply to this guy at all. He has set out to decieve her, cheat on her, lie to her, betray her, and has made a mockery of her to anyone really. She's in the hospital and hes texting other women, they are at hoime and he is hiding his internet screen, texting & talking in the bathroom, deleting his history off both devices, and has signed up for multiple dating sights, and sex chat lines...he is a compulsive cheater. Liar, and will continue to do it, all she can expect is more of the same. Very very sad that it seems like she is resolved to it.
Katt I know you think you love him, but really as someone else asked...whats to love? I think your in love with whom you want him to be,. The Illusion he shows you when he is kissing your ass. You have to see him for what he is.
Katt, I really meant it when I told you this in the other thread. You ask for honesty once. You ask for respect once. If you don't get it, you go. If someone won't give you these basic things that you need, you leave.
He's playing you. He's enjoying it.
You keep confronting and digging for facts. He knows he is driving you crazy. He may well be snickering about it all behind your back.
If what you have is not enough of a Shove, I don't know what is.
L~
You do realize that the only one that cares, is you- right? HE doesn't. Please smash that through your head after you re-read your post. You're driving yourself apeshit.