I think you need to ignore her. Do not confront her, your energy should be on your husband and rebuilding the trust.

God I hate it when stuff like that happens. I havent had the problem of OM trying to contact her, but every now and then I will find some little reminder of her past. We are getting ready for vacation and I recently found some lingerie that I had never seen in one of the carry ons. I know it was from a long time ago, but it was still a setback for me.

I am just so upset that this OW can still get my blood boiling!Here it felt like we took 10 steps froward and after last night I have been moved back some steps backward:(

I agree with rote. Ignore her and don't even think about her. She may have wanted to talk to your H but she is probably liking any attention she is getting from you. Now if your H was calling her...that's another matter. The other night one of my H's sluts called on his phone. She left a voice mail. She has not seen him in about a year and a half and was saying how she still needed "it". How desperate is that? They have not been in contact with each other, either. These skanks are losers who can't realize they were used.
Her stalking threat is bullshit. She's an idiot. I think I would have laughed at her if she had been talking to me.
Don't let her get your blood boiling--realize what she is and just put her out of your mind--evict her-she's taking up too much space in your head. You would have taken steps back if your H contacted her. I know how it makes you feel when they call, but put it right out of your mind and forget she called. She's just desperate.

Thanks I't just hard.

Chewdy, OW tried to contact me also, even after I got a new number, she got sneaky and text my old cell which I gave to my son. He asked 'who is this" and she text back "this is Jim" (my best friend from HS) and then asked for my #. Son thought it was ok, so he text back my #. She text my cell and I gave it to my W, she text back 'why are you trying to get a hold of my H' She text back saying she was a friend of OW and she was just borrowing her phone and accidently dialed by mistake (not quite as good as a cat) 3 or 4 times,mind you. Then about a week later she tried calling our home phone, I gave it to my wife and OW hung up. That was about 5 months ago. She sent me a HNY wish (assuming thats what it was), I recognized the area code so I gave it to my W to open and w/o me seeing it I told her to delete it. I have blocked her from FB and my email, and if she tries my cell I just don't answer and I always make sure my W knows about it, maybe someday the OW will get the message.
I do agree with the others , just ignore her and use your energy on your relationship.

Chewdy I often need strong visual images to help me remember things (or forget others). The OW hounded me. She tried to contack my husband in everyway imaginable including parking in front of my house one time. I would get so angry and REACT - she loved that and it just slowed our couples work. It was my husbands responsibility to prevent contact to the extent that he could; so numbers, addresses and such were chged. with success. She is really irrelavent. So here's what I do. Some may not appreciate this image so you may want to stop reading now.
When I begin to focus or am reminded of her I picture a large festering wound I see infection grow with my obsessions and energy to heal drawn away when I react. I picture PUSS being drained from the wound by my husband and I together cleaning out the dirty nasty crap we let get inside (SHE IS JUST PART OF THE PUSS, NOTHING MORE) Then he and I try to nurture this near fatal wound and bond as it ever so damn slowly heals.
This may be a little to far out for a lot of people but hey any options I could try to help get through this I was grateful for even the really crazy stuff. Hugs and prayers are with you.

Actually, pdnos, that sounds like a very effective technique and an apt visualization.

It'd never easy. I have to see the OW all the time and it makes my blood boil every time. She loves playing the victim and has gone as far as to say my husband "forced her" the time I walked in on them!!! She came to my house and said to me " I am so sorry I did not know what kind of person he was!!" Are you kidding me? This was after a 1 1/2 yr affair! She keeps trying to make her presence known (standing by us at our kids game, parking in front of my office, etc.) and still thinks she is the victim. I don't say this without knowing my husband is to blame too but it is equal and not just him.

Do NOT let her control you. I say that but it is very hard. Just remember no matter what you do, you're not a whore - she is!!

OK, that last sentence came out REALLY wrong! I meant it as you are a better person than she is and don't think you are anyway near her level. Sorry for sounding like an idiot!!!

I have not tried to contact the OW. I sent her two emails (she used to be my friend before) telling her how disgusted I was with her and then stopped. She keeps trying to justify it to everyone. There is and will never be any justification for what she did. Currently she is playing "victim" because she thinks people don't like her because of me. Typical, blame the blind-sided faithful wife of the man you stole. People don't like her for lots of other reasons that have absolutely NOTHING to do with me but she just can't seem to grasp that. Poor baby. Over the holiday break she sent me an email telling me she is sorry she hurt me but there is nothing she can do it about it now. I laughed my ass off at her pathetic attempt to get a rise out of me because her words were so completely hollow and shallow it meant nothing to me. Nothing she can do about it now? Is she kidding? First, she ripped my life, my family and my kids apart and she thinks "oops, didn't mean to hurt you" in an email is going to cut it? Karma requires far more from her to set things right than just that. It was a coward's attempt and just like her.
If she wants to set things right then she needs to make sure my step-kids know the truth and not the pathetic stories my ex tells about me. They should NOT be made to feel bad for loving me, remembering the good times or wanting to see me. She should be encouraging a relationship so that they can see how real grown-ups behave. If she wanted to set things right for her own kids (she has no clue how badly she has affected them) then she needs to leave my ex and stand on her own two feet. Then someday down the road, when she understands what a "real" relationship is then date a SINGLE man and start again. Actually, if she wants to retain her sanity and not get sucked in by my ex's anger and negativity or have her kids scarred by it that is what she should do anyways, Karma or not.
No, the email "apology" was pathetic and I personally feel that she was secretly hoping I would answer her and blast her for her actions (which will always be inexcusable) She wanted me to blast her so she could boo-hoo to different people about how unreasonable I am or how mean I am to her nearly 2 years later. Honey, you ripped my family apart and laughed about it, do you really think 2 years of pretending you and he have a real family and that ours never existed is going to make it all go away? She lives in a dream world and needs to wake up. No, she will not get an email response from me. Besides, how stupid does she look when she sends me an "apology" but continues to bash me and blame me to everyone who will listen. She will get nothing from me and I will not forgive her until I see concrete PROOF she is sorry. Words mean nothing when they are not followed by sincere ACTIONS. Karma continues to stalk her and always will until she does what is required to make amends. I don't have to do anything at all.

I agree, don't let her rent so much space in your head. He tenancy is terminated. I know its not easy when the OP is trying to hang on to whatever they think there is to hang on too. My H has had many affairs..His ex wife crushed me, They have 2 daughters and the one was pregnant at the time (16) that seemed to help the lines open more. Mind you, they would talk and then not talk, but.. now she is the one raising his grandson and we don't get to see him because she doesn't like me. Funny thing is, before there fling we had no problems at all. It was the usually BS that goes along with an affair. Also, I won't Co sign her bullshit or lies, and call her on her lies, and how she thinks she is perfect..she doesn't like that Im not intimidated by her at all, everyone else is because of the kids, not me...plus she likes to be all tough, yet knows I would clean her clock
Another affair was with his ex girlfriend and they have a son together. This was on and off for afew years.. He used her feeling for him, (believe me there is major growth now, this is going back acouple of years and well, cats out of the bag) and, there 14 year olds sons ex gf just had a baby on Jan 4th. She is 15 and we won't see him either. I am close with my h xgf Marie. I don't blame her at all, its all on him and he knows it, but you know what, if he ever tries that again, she won't go for it, and she will tell me.
If she does try to contact you again or your H, politely (sorry typing and spelling not there today) just nicely say..no sorry, (h name) and I are about to go for round 2, or something along those lines, and hang up. If she wants to go after you for stalking or harassment, well, thats and empty threat..never work. If that doesn't work, you said her husband could find out, well, turn the tables, call her husband, and have a chat with him, asking him nicely to have his wife stop calling your H, that affair is over, your husband made a mistake, and if she doesn't stop trying to interfer in your marriage you may need to go to the law for help. I know wrong vendictive..but hey girls gotta relax and Im feeling fisty today..:)

I don't know what happened but ever since this last "cat call" My H and myself have been really talking about the whole ridiculous situation. H is contacting the IT department today and either have her number blocked and if this is still a problem he would like to get rid of the phone. I have felt very confident all w/e that what ever the EA was is definatley over.This is the first time I have felt this sense of relief. Has anyone every felt this. It's kind of a weird , but good feeling.
This past weekend we spent alot of time together and talking about renewing our vows and we even went to look at new wedding bands.I sure hope I can put all this shit behind us and finally move forward. I also have stopped listening to country music.

I am so pleased to hear that you had a good weekend with your H. Keep in touch with each other - it will breed trust.