Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hello. It's hard to be on this website wondering if this is going to help me or not. I can't really go to my family or friends to talk about this because it seems if I do more drama and bad days will happen. I have been married since September 2015. Just little over two years. My husband who I fell in love with over his charm and caring for me has hit the bottom. I don't know what the right thing to do for myself. My husband suffers from depression and anxiety. He takes medication for it, but it feels it's still not enough. He struggles with his weight which we have done diets together and it seems it goes well then it drifts off. To be honest I am not someone who loves to workout but i try to manage what i eat and I have always been the shape I am since grade school. My husband always had a weight issue when he was little and it goes on and off. Because of that he gets depressed.
I found out in middle of November that he has been talking to other women. One who he has talked to in the past that came back up. First off, my husband has had a different life then mine growing up. I had a mom and dad who loved each other and took care of my brother and I. My husband had a hard working single mom who worked a lot. His father was put in jail because of child support and now lives an hour away not caring about him. My husband hasn't had a good male role model in his life or see what a commitment looks like. When we started to date and when he proposed he wanted to be better then his father. He wanted to be a husband and a father.
Back to the girl. My husband has in the past cheated on me. To which we have had serious and tough conversations with. I always try to see the best and know that I still loved and cared for him. Well, One of the girls has creeped back in the picture. Ariel. Just like the little mermaid. My husband and her have been talking since apparently October. I started to notice her liking his Instagram. Then one night, my husband got mad over something stupid of what we were seeing across the street and got mad I didn't see it or know what he was trying to show me. He blurted out that he was talking to Ariel and that he really likes her. I froze and didn't know how to react. I know I am not a perfect person or perfect wife but I have always been faithful to him and do everything to please him. I work, I clean the house, do his laundry, take out the trash, clean the dishes, and take care of our cats. I feel like Cinderella with no happy ending.
I pay the bills but it is hard because he always spends the money on stupid shit like comic books, toys, beard oil, and a coffee maker to which we already had one. I have had conversations with him on this multiple times but when he gets depressed or mad he likes to spend. I call him out on it and he gets mad. Saying, "It's my money and I can spend it the way I want to." Which it's hard to not only climb out of debt but to think about buying a house which he thinks will happen in a snap.
I have been trying very hard to keep it together. It gets harder everyday when he is on his phone wondering if he is snap chatting her. It drives me to a craziness that I never wanted to be in. I want to say I have always been a care free positive person. All I ever wanted to do was make people smile and happy. It seems he took that all away from me. He doesn't realize that everything is building up inside and causing me to have a broken heart. He keeps saying, "I'm going to move out" if the slightest thing gets on his nerves. I cry in the shower so he doesn't hear me. I don't know if he says everything to have me be the one to call it or if he just just being a jerk. I know there has been red flags waving in front of me saying, "get out." I know. I would tell that to my friends if they were in my situation. I know I need to end it. That is what's in front of me. It's so hard when I have laid my life out on the table for him. I just need him to be in my shoes to understand of what he is doing.
Everything is building up where I feel hopeless and scared of the unknown. My heart is torn and I don't know how to be brave. It's silly I know.
If you are reading this, thank you for your time. Just needed to find a place to air my feelings.
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So bit of a back story first. My partner and I were together for 19 years, he went to work out of town for a few months, within 2 months of being back home he was saying he was unhappy in his life and wanted a trial separation. Well that turned into a separaion of 18 months. During the whole time he kept telling me he didn't know what he wanted, he was lost etc. I kept asking if he was involved...
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So I was married for 11 years and had 5 children together, we grew apart and got a divorce. I remarried 3 years later to a man of whom I called my angel. Tall handsome blue eyes and treated me like a Queen, and was amazing with my children. We expanded our family pretty quickly and I gave birth to 3 more children. Now, since 2013 he has cheated on me physically 3 times that I know of. The first...
It was a poor decision to marry someone who has cheated on you in the past. Aside from that he appears to never have matured since his youth and is a manchild who married his mother and wants a girlfriend on the side.
You do all the motherly things to take care of his life and love him unconditionally like only a mother would do.
He likely isn't going to change and is on the path to cheating on you again, and doesn't seem too worried about how you will reach because he basically told you he is.
For your part, you are a codependent and get your worth/esteem on how much you take care of him like child. You worry more about him feeling loved than being loved to a degree which is very unhealthy.
This is not a marriage relationship but an adult surrogacy.
Seeing how this is going he will spend all your money, drain all your emotions, cheat on you chronically, and provide you nothing in return.
He is a very weak beta male and really has little to offer you except opportunity for you to feel needed/codependent. You are not setting appropriate boundaries, enabling him, and allowing him to victim manipulate you.
You want a husband who loves you and is with you because he wants to, not because he needs you like a baby needs a mother.
The mother of the 500 pound boy, who can't get out of bed due to his weight, is bewildered and asks why this is happening to her child. Stop feeding him.
I read in your post a very important sentence. You want him to be in your shoes to understand what he's doing to you. This ubfieyubately will never happen. Cheaters lack empathy and morals. They are incapable of understanding results and consequences of their actions. So this hope will never happen unfortunately.
I also feel from your post that he had no respect from you. He cheated on you in the past. Gad he bren truly tenorsefull back then He should spent the rest of his life not raising any suspicions or chatting with other women. He's doing it right in front of you on his phone. This guy has NO clue of what he's doing to you. He has no empathy or morals. He may have depression but than he should go to the Dr not go sleep around.
I unfortunately am pretty sure he is cheating on you again or will be soon. As hard as it is he is vety unhealthy for you right now. As long as you set no boundaries he will keep treating you like a doormat.
Please promise me that you won't allow him to ever make you believe his cheating is your fault. He's choose to cheat not you. Hugs I think you know wgat to do. Stay strong. I hope you have some good family and friends to support you in this difficult time