You don't say how much time has elapsed since DDay and your separation, but it may very well be that the fog is lifting with your STBX and she is indeed realizing what she's lost.

O,

Watch your back, sounds like CS is attempting to R at all cost.

The warning flags of meeting new GF and talk to you is read lights.

Yes she is moonwalking in her mind what she has lost.

Thus attempting to do a recovery.

Thanks for replying - DD was april/12

What she lost was:
- A got who never cheated.
- A guy who never drank or even smoked a cigarette - very clean cut dude.
- A guy with multiple degrees and certifications form good colleges.
- A great husband who would move anywhere so that STBX would be happy
- A guy who has helped out all of her friends get jobs
- A husband who put family first before anything - I would rather come home then go out and do anything and would rather go to the mall with her to shop and be with her to make her happy.


I really went out of my way to make her happy but also spent a lot of time with our 2 young sons playing and teaching them math and the world map, sports etc.

Where she grew up - her father did the same thing to her mother and she had to come back home and take care of her 3 younger sisters cause her mother was so devistated that she couldnt eat or sleep for 3 years till her father came back.

Then last year she enters - crazy town - now I am moving on without her with a girl that actually works and has and MBA in finiance - STBXW has nothing from anywhere. Never wanted to go back to school.

I have upgraded - where her AP - she has downgraded to a complete loser.

For starters, I will say that your stbex sounds like she has really done some terrible things. I'm sorry she put you through this n

That said, may I ask why your educational background has any bearing on any of this? Did she loose her education since your marriage or did you marry a girl you loved who didn't have the education to begin with? I would take the educational background off the table. She is the mother of your children and if there is any chance that you would consider reconciliation, I would atleast hear what she has to say.

I'm an advocate for rebuilding especially when children are involved. I don't believe that people should stay in pain and misery for the sake of the children but I do beleive they should exhaust every avenue and make every effort to ensure the marriage is done before they sign on the dotted line.

It sounds like you are involved in another relationship very soon after going through this process. Maybe you need to do some long thinking and figure out if you would consider rebuilding if your was we're to come out of her "fog" and realize the mess she made nif she were to ask you to give her a chance to prove herself and do all the right things to make it happen, what would you feel? That's a thought you need to consider n

Do you have an amicable custody arrangement or has she just gone off with her dumb ass and abandoned the kids?

Anyway, not sure if I've helped but I just wanted to express my feelings on this.

Thanks for replying - we have 50/50 custody. Since her father did the same thing to her mother and left her mother with the girls for 3 years while he was off with the AP girl - my STBX had to take over being mommy cause her mother literally could not function that whole time - cried everyday and didn't eat much at all - The AP lady then left him (father) after taking all his money - I guess she learned some lessons from that experience and didnt just leave the kids as well like daddy did.

My goal is to completely divorce her no matter what - my STBX has a lot of IC to do to figure out why should would take such a distructive path.

Perhaps after a few years I will talk to her on a deeper level and we can be friends and start from there - but I am not putting my life on hold - she ran through or world like a distructive storm and in no way shape or form is that exceptable.

Unfortunitly - there will be a lot of pain and self discovery that will need to occur first on her end - before I even consider even talking to her. In the mean time, I am moving foward with my life and I am much much happier now then before.

Since new GF came into my life - I can see now that there are other women out there that know how to take care of me and I really want to take care of her and be with her. She brightens my day and I brighter her day.

Is it moving fast and perhaps too soon - well perhaps but it took almost a year for me to get to this point and the journey was not pretty at all but I am not waiting around for anything in my life as well as STBX had so many other outstanding issues that what she did was a nuclear bomb ontop of that was already a broken situation but I stuck it out for the benefit of my boys. So it is what it is.

Crazy town is a hard ass place to live, even though she chose it. She is likely having a lot of mixed emotions, and wants to meet with you together for various reasons.

Your not open to R with her, so just keep your distance.

Regarding what all you wrote about what she lost -- she knows this. No need to say any of this to her unless you really want her to change and are open to R. So, keep it here for your healing and stick with you strategy.

Thank you for those comments - I think I wrote that small list just to let others know I am not a knuckle head and I belive you are 100% correct - she is fully aware of all of those qualities as well as those are the reasons her own family will not even talk to her anymore (which I can only imagine is extremely hard to deal with) and when I say that I mean that is a lot of people not talking to her because her family is exteremly large.

But thank you for the support.

The two of you are going to have to learn to go to functions together for your children, for their sake. You should try to attend his birthday party that she is going to have, as he may be upset that his Daddy is not there. If it is too much drama to bring the GF, then don't. But either way, all 3 of you will need to be mature, put your feelings on the back burner, and be there for your son. It doesn't really matter what the reason is that she wants you there, you should go for your son, and leave it at that.

My cheating X and I separated November 2009. We officially, after trying counseling, books, everything I could imagine to save us, divorced in December 2010. My son's birthday is in June. June 2010, 2011, 2012, and this June...and all the Junes after, my X and I do one bday party, with both sides of the family, friends. Same goes when we trick or treat together, or Xmas when Santa comes to my house, and my X is there as well. I don't believe, even if circumstances change, a child needs to lose all memories of his or her parents being parents together. I get along well with my X. It's not weird having him at parties.

I also grew up in a home where my parents have now been married almost 42 years. Mt grandparents were married for 63. My X's parents divorced when he was little, but both remarried and are with their respective spouses for 25 years now. Me, coming from a home and a life where family is first, is why I was able to set aside my personal feelings about my X's cheating in favor of doing what's best for my son.

Getting divorced made it easier to get along with my X and to still respect him as a person. In a perfect world, our "mates" are great spouses and fathers/mothers...obviously, none of them succeeded at that spouse part because we wouldn't be on this forum. That being said, even if dynamics shift, the parent part is there and will always be there. He is the father of my son, and he's a good father. I choose to respect him and do things together with him because it's not about me, it's about my child.

You know what to do. You already said it: she can do whatever she wants and you'll do your thing. Why she's making such an outlandish request doesn't matter.

As you say, she's in Crazy Town. You don't. Let things stay that way and don't worry too much about her intentions.

I'm divorced with kids and would not throw a party WITH my EX for my kids. I would do a party for my kids and let my EX throw their own.

I am with JustUGH.

L~