Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Beware of Therapists

stayingpositive
stayingpositive

For those who are in marriage counseling, beware.  Many keep in you going when you should leave, but they want your money.


My therapist knew he was not committed but marriage but told me to give him a week to work with him.  She did a decent enough job making him feel guilty and he made false promises and I gave him a chance.


I asked her about boundaries and transparancy- and she advised me not to snoop saying "you are too good for that" and that "I'll know" if he is lying.  Well, that was a load of bullshit.  She gave him basically a pass to continue hiding his phone and social media and he was cheating and lying the whole time even when she said if he was making contact with his AP, the counseling was over.  I did not know he was back to his old ways and only found out by luck, so if your therapist is not setting ground rules for him/her and telling you it is not ok to snoop and verify- I recommend finding someone else.  



StormPetrel
StormPetrel
Our MC told me months later that she knew my H was still cheating!

I spoke pretty strongly to her about her responsibility to ME. If
she had spoken up, I would have made different decisions and saved
a lot of money.

Needless to say, I stopped seeing her. Things improved between my H and me without her.
stayingpositive
stayingpositive
Wow stormpetrel that is pretty incredible that she withheld that observation and kept getting paid. You might consider reporting her to the agency that maintains her license- if she has one.

EnochDavies- stop sending me these scam ads please. I do not want any voodoo spell to bring back my asshole of a husband.
OMGZBEAUTIFUL
OMGZBEAUTIFUL
Oh Wow yes definitely make a report against her. For withholding critical information from you. You could have made a clearer informed choice. With all the information not part of it. She was supposed to be helping you out not taking advantage of you or the situation!
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Counseling is very useful if you get a competent one.

However, if you get a bad one it makes the situation much worse.
betrayedtodeath
betrayedtodeath
Bad therapists can cause a tremendous amount of damage. I had an awful IC years ago that subscribed to the "what did you do to contribute to the demise of your marriage?" school of thought when I suspected something was fishy with my CH. I worked non-stop to fix myself when in actuality there never was or is anything wrong with me. Had an equally terrible MC but fired him fast after my learning curve with counseling had improved. The MC felt I shouldn't emote, nod, use words he (the MC) didn't understand (like kibbles as in ego kibbles, or wife appliance) in the context of cheaters. I did have a little fun messing with him for a few visits. The more you tell me I can't say or do things...the more I want to do them, LOL. He totally bought into my CH's sad sausage narrative and I am sure he thought I was a terrible mean woman.
stayingpositive
stayingpositive
Yes my MC was bamboozled by his bullshit narrative too and when I told her he was lying the ENTIRE time he sat in her office, I could tell she was pissed off.

It is sad that you have to even be guarded when you see a therapist! Money is a powerful motive and they do get paid to keep the therapy alive even when perhaps they even know there is no unicorn.
refurb
refurb
therapists are like everyone else on the flake distribution curve
so always trust your bullshit meter
stayingpositive
stayingpositive
Very true! When she was telling me I should not snoop and be able to look at his phone- my radar went off. He spend 8 months telling me lies and the only way I knew the truth was to snoop. Transparency is EXCPECTED and if you get any pushback- time to run! Yet, I did not hear that from the therapist.
calirn13
calirn13
Our MC said she is there to give us guidence and tools to deal with our issues. We went for 4 months. She said we were ready to deal with our issues and if we needed anything to come back and see her.
stayingpositive
stayingpositive
Wow- Calirn13- guidance? What the hell does that mean? News Flash- the "issues" are that your spouse chose to cheat and lie and NOT deal with other "issues"- how about starting there? These damn therapists should be obligated to honestly assess whether the cheater is even willing to work on the marriage FIRST before delving into the other maritial problems. Many just use therapy to get their spouse off their backs anb continue to cheat and take the affair further underground. That is exactly what my husband did.

I felt as through the therapist wanted to skip right over all the hurt and pain I was feeling- get over all the lies and lack of trust, and just start working on other issues. She spent no time discussing how little empathy or remorse he felt for what he did and how little he was doing to make me feel secure enough to even work on the marriage.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Affair therapy and generally MC are really two different things.

If the counselor doesn't understand then they are not experience in affair recovery.