Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
This is a good article on a news letter I receive from time to time on infidelity.
The full article can be found at the link at the bottom.
I just want to understand why it happened. What does the other person have that I don't?
Theres no way to determine the why this year. A lifetime can be spent searching for the why. There are as many reasons why as there are stars in the sky. The complexity lies in the multitude of factors driving that choice.
For some, the infidelity is caused by baggage brought into the marriage. At times its a maladaptive response to problems in the marriage. Rather than addressing issues head on, someone may use some form of infidelity as the solution to their dilemma.
At times, its about an addiction and at times it can even be situational where someone does something careless in the moment and then feels trapped and unable to disentangle themselves. Im certainly not minimizing harmful and hurtful behaviors, but it is possible to end up where you dont want to be.
The other person has many things that you dont, just as you have many things they dont possess. Hypothetically speaking, I believe that humans have 20 possible characteristics, but every individual has only 10 of those 20 characteristics and whichever 10 you chose in another, also brings a unique set of negatives. Youre not all that, but neither is the person with whom they had the affair. All that changes is how we view the other person.
Typically, people enjoy how the affair partner makes them feel. Affair partners tend to serve as a vanity mirror and the mate as a makeup mirror. Which is why the affair partner seems to be the preferred commodity, but in the long run its just an illusion.
http://affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/betrayed-spouse-ask-why-did-affair-happen?utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_medium=email_04-18&utm_source=list_MC&utm_content=mastering&utm_term=link_visible
The full article can be found at the link at the bottom.
I just want to understand why it happened. What does the other person have that I don't?
Theres no way to determine the why this year. A lifetime can be spent searching for the why. There are as many reasons why as there are stars in the sky. The complexity lies in the multitude of factors driving that choice.
For some, the infidelity is caused by baggage brought into the marriage. At times its a maladaptive response to problems in the marriage. Rather than addressing issues head on, someone may use some form of infidelity as the solution to their dilemma.
At times, its about an addiction and at times it can even be situational where someone does something careless in the moment and then feels trapped and unable to disentangle themselves. Im certainly not minimizing harmful and hurtful behaviors, but it is possible to end up where you dont want to be.
The other person has many things that you dont, just as you have many things they dont possess. Hypothetically speaking, I believe that humans have 20 possible characteristics, but every individual has only 10 of those 20 characteristics and whichever 10 you chose in another, also brings a unique set of negatives. Youre not all that, but neither is the person with whom they had the affair. All that changes is how we view the other person.
Typically, people enjoy how the affair partner makes them feel. Affair partners tend to serve as a vanity mirror and the mate as a makeup mirror. Which is why the affair partner seems to be the preferred commodity, but in the long run its just an illusion.
http://affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/betrayed-spouse-ask-why-did-affair-happen?utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_medium=email_04-18&utm_source=list_MC&utm_content=mastering&utm_term=link_visible
The man I married 27 years go would never look at this kind of woman. It makes me so very sad that he has become someone I do not know.
He talked about my best friend, asked her for sex; our neighbor, asked her for sex; my ex-roommate, asked her for sex. People I knew! People he said were not attractive! It didn't stop him.
So, I don't know about your H, Mom, but mine was NEVER the person he made himself out to be. It was all a show to get me and keep me where he wanted me.
When I learned about his A, and the fact that he propositioned my best friend, I put two-and-two together on the others, because I had ignored the obvious. For a very long time, I knew, but I didn't want to confront the truth. So, I married the man that he is today. I just didn't know it at the time.
He's now married to his third wife. He married her before we were divorced and was dropping her when I had him served with divorce papers. He picked her back up because he had the same need to have a wife.
We are so accustomed to dysfunction that it's say to identify what we don't want, much harder to define a better alternative. So we get that thinking that anythink would be better than this. Escape vs. seeking real solutions.