Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
November 8th
Therapy gawwwd. It came up that I'm a slob. They told us to work on that. I cried and felt guilty about that. I'm sorry I'm gone for 12 hours a day with no help at all. The male therapist called him out and said you need to take responsibility because you're not (to him). He said we need to work on getting the babies out of bed. It's all true.
He said when we got out...maybe I'm good at pretending/lying. (Yes you are)Then later said maybe I'm good at pretending we were ok when we weren't. Wtf. When he talked about the affair he said he doesn't feel bad. He was trying to help her. She needed him. I stopped needing him. Its true, I did stop needing him, but I didn't tell him that. When I find myself handling the shit out of our house and working and momming alone, I dont need you. I need to get my shit together.. I feel like he's just being so manipulative. We looked at his phone together.
He felt like I stopped caring. I didn't need him. I devalued him. He's not sorry. He said he enjoys manipulating people telling them lies. He said "you'll never win" I told him I was acutely aware of his manipulations this week. I worried that I'm creating a master liar.
November 9th.
I feel dark today. I mean really dark. I don't want to feel guilty for this. He made the decision to cheat, not me. And he can't even take responsibility. He said he was helping her he just wanted her to feel good about her shitty life. The phone thing made me mad. He used it as a bargaining chip. What do I get out of it??? He's so fucked up. I feel like he's sucking me in to this manipulation and I'm hating myself for staying. He said why let me stay in the one time you should have kicked me out? I don't fucking know...because I have two little kids that will suffer? Because this is a strange motion of me loving you and then falling out of love? Or not, I don't know if I'm coming or going.
He just trivializes everything. Like I'm playing a game I dont want to lose.
Nov. 12th
I havent written in a few days. There has been some calm. There has been cuddling. There has been yelling about him wanting to get another bar job so he can fuck whores. I'm thinking today it's all about unmet needs. His and mine. A chicken and egg situation. I can see now how it all went wrong. How poor baby didn't get what he needed and his dick fell into someone else. How it's me that needs to eat a shit sandwich now. He was going to print a quote for me. "From this day forward. You shall not walk alone..my heart will be your shelter my arms will keep you warm". I asked him about it and he said did you ever doubt it? Of course I doubt it. I said before you say that to me you first need to understand why you left me. What I know is that I have two small children to think about. I know that I have the strength to give this 6 months and try to make it work. I know that if he can't accept responsibility it can't last. If he can't understand himself why he did this then that's it. I also know that I wont look back in 20 years and wonder if I did everything gg I could to save a marriage. So. . we'll see.
Your strong you don't need him. Don't allow him to treat you disrespectful.
I totally understand you want to feel you have tried all you can if this doesn't work. I'm totally in the same boat and if you feel you need to try than try. I wished for you and your kids that he would do the same. So far doesn't sound like it. He has no clue of the pain he caused you.
Stay strong and strengthen your self. It will take time to find the clarity if this works or not
That was your thought earlier in your initial post.
He sounds horribly selfish and unlikely to gain any semblance of a moral character. He's not marriage or father material and really doesn't benefit you or your kids at all.
He doesn't even contribute financially. Just a emotional, financial, and spiritual leech.