you're not wrong, but it does take work. step one is he needs to break all ties with the girl and commit to you. counselling is not a bad idea

I can't expect him to cut all ties with the girl because of the baby. That's the hardest thing.

very true, but you'll want a sense of commitment to you. which will prove challenging but not impossible

I'm stuck wondering if this is supposed to bring us closer or apart. It's killing me not to know.

you'll need to know where his heart lies as well as your own. it will be difficult no doubt, and you'll want to be certain as his ties to her and the baby will always be. it very well could prove too much for the two of you to contend with. i caution too, that he cheated once, could he again?

just to clarify, when i spoke of breaking ties, i was referring to intimate ties

also worth knowing is the other woman desires, does she wish to be with him?

I want believe that he won't. I don't really agree with that phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" I used to cheat but that is something that I can no longer due. He seems sorry and really wanting to rebuild our relationship

I asked her that today and she replied "it is what it is."

i dont necessarily either, but there is a definite change in mindset that has to happen so that it does not recur, and if he hasn't had that change it could recur

it certainly does change things if she doesn't have a desire to be with him

I'm just stuck in between.

With all honesty he cant be focused on gaining your trust whwn he needs to be a good father and be there for the mother of his kid. He needs to show support to her whilw pregnant too. It will suck to know that you will no longer be his number one, but if you feel like you are able to look past all of that i am sure you can work things out with him, or more like him work things out with you because he hurt you!! And to be honest ive seen it unfold with my mother, my father cheated on my mother 3 times and had 3 kids with 3 different women and my mother loves my 3 half brothers and sister like if they were hers. She stayed with my father for 30 years and it was a roller coaster ride but she loved that man and put with his crap, they both came to a conclusion that they just couldnt continue trying so they remain as friends.

Not being married and having no kids with him would make it less difficult to leave.

I only say this because him having a kid with someone else creates a lifelong bond. The other woman will always be in the picture and the child will be the reminder of his unfaithfulness.

I understand you used to be a cheater and I wonder if giving him a second chance could be partially a projection of your feelings toward your past self.

If you do choose to stay, know that you will have a lot of challenges due to the child involvement. Likely there will be even a financial impact on you.