Have you asked him why he is sharing this with you? From a man that doesn't usually spill his guts (like my fiance that could talk your ears off over anything or nothing) this would seem suspicious to me. Almost as though he is trying to make you think it's nothing. What's your gut saying to you?

No, I haven't asked him. I did make a comment last night when he told me of her date that it seems to me they are having pretty intimate conversations in such a short time. My gut is telling me something is brewing..but I don't trust my own judgement anymore. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but I don't think a married man should be talking with a single woman about these kinds of thing...I know from his past where "innocent" conversations of a personal nature end up with him. But then again, maybe I'm crazy

Well, I guess I'm naive because I don't see anything wrong with a guy and girl having conversations. What I wonder is why the hell is he telling YOU? Why would you care about her recent weight loss, her dates? I mean, it's not very interesting conversation. If someone was telling me that stuff, even a friend, I wouldn't find it interesting at all and I would pay attention only out of courtesy.

Almost as though he's minimalizing this so if you "happen" to find out you won't suspect him because he's been so "open" with you...

Go with your gut and check out this situation. It could be nothing, but you already know you can't trust him.

It may well be he has not started an affair but he instinctively knows he is crossing boundaries.

"NOT Just Friends" has taught me a lot about how both my husband and I let down our guards and invited people into our lives in ways that damaged our marriage - even before he had his affair.

If his gut is telling him "This isn't cool" but his brain hasn't made that connection, he may be spilling all this to you in hopes that you will put your foot down and give him a reason to put the brakes on.

Obviously I haven't been privy to their conversations, but a single woman discussing her romantic life with a married man is crossing a boundary that should not be crossed. Would she have the same conversation with him if you were with him holding his hand while they chatted? Likely not.

I am not saying there is a malicious plot going on behind your back or that either of them have designs on the other, just that it starts out with little boundaries being crossed here, little boundaries crossed there. Today she's griping about the sad state of her love life, tomorrow she's giving him her cell phone number so they can text "if he gets bored" then in no time she's asking him out for coffee - just friendly coffee, no harm in that! Then she's asking him to come to her home and comfort her when she's sad and...

Well. I'm just saying. It's worthwhile to open the conversation up and to start talking about this more deeply and share your concerns. It would be good to discuss boundaries and what your expectations are. It's very likely nothing has happened - yet - so it's a good time to nip things in the bud before they blossom.

Allora...thank you so much...my thoughts were what you wrote. Thats the exact way his affair started,so when you put it in the words you did it makes sense to me.It also validated how I feel. Well,I did bring it up to him last night,telling him I was uncomfortable with their conversations. No yelling,no nasty tone..and well...he told me our marriage will never work because I will never move past what he did,and he said he should be able to talk to people. Clearly,he never has any intentions of hearing what I have to say. Its the first time ever I said anything to him about anything as he gets VERY angry...but I did it because I can no longer be afraid. I'm so tired of not having a voice....this is new territory for me,and I'm very afraid as I"ve always been a stay at home mom and have 4 girls....but, I'm ready to start taking steps too finally start to face my fears. I thank you for your insight...it made a really big difference..

I believe that this is a potential opportunity for an affair to start. I have had lots of those conversations with ladies I worked with etc. and they came to nothing because I wouldn't let it cross a line (mental or physical).

Not all people can do that (my wife for one apparently) it would seem that your husband is another. I wouldn't say that you aren't being paranoid. How to approach it is another story, my best advice would be head on (but that's me). Have this conversation about how affairs can start and you are concerned that he should be aware of it.

My husband comes home and tells me every detail of his conversations with women too. I realize now, that he started doing this after his A. He didn't tell me about the A till a few years after it happened, though. I just kind of thought it was strange that he started talking to me about that sort of stuff more. I think for my H, it is his way of being accountable to me. I see it as a good thing. I don't mind that he talks to women at work. He works with almost all women and there are none that I'd be worried about him making a move toward.
H is one of those guys that women are kind of drawn to as a friend. He's always getting questioned about dating advice. That doesn't bother me. Maybe I am naive.

You are getting a whole different bag of responses here. There's really no way of knowing. I, myself, am suspicious. Why the heck would a girl be telling a guy that stuff, especially since he doesn't see her much? They can't know each other that well. If you see the person at the Post Office once in a while, are you going to be telling them how you've lost weight and how your date went last night? No, you are going to be talking about even more boring stuff, like the weather. She may be coming onto him. The time to worry is when he stops talking about her.

Allora said it best. It's crossing boundaries. Your husband needs to build up his walls and close those windows of opportunity. It may be innocent, it may not be. I think a husband who is rebuilding a marriage would be very careful who he is talking to. I also agree with crawl when he says that when he stops talking about her you need to worry. My husband always talked about women at work, but the one he never mentioned was the one he had the affair with. She was downplayed as "some lady at work" like she was so unimportant. This is a tricky one but only your gut will wave the red flag if there is one. I really wish I had the answer for you.

I've been going on 2 years of trying to work this out but the paranoia like you seems to ease it's way back in. You are not over reacting. I feel the same way sometimes. I would definitely have a gut feeling about your husband's situation. Wish I had the balls to just get up and start a new life for myself, but I have a 3 year old son. I know how bad I wished my dad had been in my life more so I battle doing that to my child. I wish God would just send me a letter and tell me what is best.....errrrr! Neither road seems like it's gonna be better than the other.

I agree completely with Allora. The conversation is crossing boundaries and he doesn't have good ones. I have heard, and it happened to me, that many times a cheater is so excited by his new relationship he wants to talk about OP... I'm sorry he reacted badly to your confrontation. Don't they realize that if they do this and get to stay they will have to make up for it the rest of their life?