Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I'm new and scared. My husband of six years has suffered off and on with an addiction to porn. This addiction has cost me my trust, my self esteem, and my mind. Four years ago, I thought he was in a clean period. Things were somewhat "normal" sexually with us and as a result, I finally became pregnant. After I became pregnant, our sex life instantly came to a hault for the rest of my pregnancy. The evening I found out I was pregnant, I had to go to to work for a few hours and he was home alone. While I was gone he started searching for pregnant porn. I didn't check the history on our computer for three months, by that time I was 4 months pregnant. The pain, the rejection, the anger, stewed inside me all day while he was at work and when he got home I exploded. I freaked out completely and he stood there chuckling saying it was no big deal if he wanted to see some tits. I was so hurt that I had a hemorrage and miscarried. Since then, he has been mostly clean as far as I can tell or I suspect he's just gotten smarter about deleting things. I am somehow now 7 weeks pregnant again. I've known for four days. I can't stop replaying the horrible scene in my mind. He hasn't touched me since we found out. I'm overly depressed and having thoughts of suicide. I don't know if I'll ever trust him. I don't know if I'll ever feel good about myself again. I don't know how to make these feelings go away. If I try to talk to him about his addiction and how I'm feeling, he gets defensive and says he can't be reminded of it and that i just need to forget and move on. I have no one to talk to about my fear and my pain. It's like my feelings and fears don't matter at all.
I understand ur fear and your fear is not unreasonable. Someone on here sent me a very good link to read about porn and how it damaged the relationship and can increase chances of cheating.
In your case although I don't know ur situation at all. It sounds like your husband did realize the wrong he did with watching porn when u got a miscarriage. He might not be watching anymore but him telling you to get over it is not ok. That triggers you. I think the 2 of you need couples counseling on this issue. It will help you both to understand each other.
I will sent you a link that made me realize more about porn and I made my boyfriend read it and it made him realize that his porn addiction did contribute to him cheating. So make ur boyfriend read this . If he refused or does it of like unimportant than that's not good.
http://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-kills-love
I have anothet article about porn use in relationship but it's on paper if your boyfriend has read this one and is open to reading more I can scan and sent it to you. Good luck to you. Take time for urself maybe go yoga to relax cause that's what u need to do now for ur own health and ur little peanut. Hugs
Miscarriages can be caused by medical factors as well as unknown factors so it would be very important to have a complete physical and discuss your fears with your doctor. It will help ease your worries about your new baby in your womb. My congratulations on this new miracle growing in your womb!! This little child needs a Mommy and also deserves to live. Suicide is not the answer and would take two lives--you and your innocent child in your womb now both have the need to be protected and to be given the chance to live. If you are on any medications, check rxisks.org to see if the medications are also causing the thoughts of suicide and get them changed if they are. There are solutions to your heartache and pain, to your grief, to your ongoing relationship difficulties and needs--maybe you haven't found these solutions yet but death is not a solution. You take your pain with you through death's door because you take you with you there. You are a unique one-of-a-kind person and there is no-one out of 7, 000, 000, 000 people on this planet exactly like you. Nobody has your fingerprints, or personality, or talents exactly like you so that makes you valuable, important, and priceless. That also means your new baby is priceless. It means your husband is priceless.
You are needed here on planet earth. Suicide is a lie. It is never the answer. Start thinking about the wonderful and positive. Start finding one thing to be thankful for today. You can make it through these difficulties. Remember also that pregnancy changes your hormonal state and so you need to be gentle with you. Make sure you stay strong and healthy--get good nutritious food, plenty of restful sleep, plenty of water and good excersise. These things alone will help your mood and help nourish both you and your growing baby in your womb.
Have you seen a counsellor or pastor regarding your feelings of rejection, anger, etc...? Maybe some marriage counselling to help with other issues like communication skills, anger management, umderstanding the opposite gender etc... would be helpful. Men process their pain differently than women, they also communicate differently. Learning these differences can help with what he replies to you and with how you emotionally express yourself to him. Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray is a good book to read for this.
Pornography is an epidemic in North America and a very difficult addiction but it can be overcome. Your husband may not know how to help himself. Do you have a porn anonymous type group in your area that you or he might be able to attend? There is also a spiritual aspect to it that is often overlooked which I can share more about later.
You can't change anyone else but you can change yourself. You choose to make life better or make life bitter. Get help for yourself and if your husband wants help too, he will seek that out--especially if he sees you are getting support and help in areas he is hurting in too--like grief counselling to start.
Standing With You Both in this. A BIG warm blanket of soothing comfort around your heart right now [♡]