Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband got together in December 19, 2011. I found out in June or July 2013 about all his cheating. He started cheating in January of 2012(thats what he says but i think he did it since us meeting and dating). He sexted woman for 8 or 9 months. He'd come home from work and sit on the couch and be on his phone till bedtime. Our sex life didnt exist unless he wanted it or for a quicky. his needs where being met elsewhere while i was being neglected. Then in June 2012 my grandfather was in the hospital for a month or so and while i was dealing with my grandpa he was sexting woman and even talking to woman on facebook. In that time we also went to dinner with his sisters and there was a woman there that i didnt know. Well come to find out it was an ex.And that same night he wrote her. i found her messages she wrote him on his email she said your happy with jess and im working things out with my baby daddy. I think he was wanting to get back with her. He even told her he missed the good times. and on his facebook there was an message to an ex asking if they could sleep together but he claims his friend did it. I just dont understand how someone could cheat right off the bat or a month later after dating. And cheating while your partner is having a hard time with her grandpas health, while with his grandpa passing i was there for him. ive never cheated on him. He wont even talk to me about why and everything about what he did. I feel like i'm hitting a brick wall. He doesnt care that this is breaking my heart or affecting me the way it is. He thinks i should be over it but ive never been this hurt by someone.he whole time he was cheatin we kept saying ill never hurt you. but he failed at that. Please help
I'm sorry that your situation is like it is.But your situation can change and you can find your respect and happiness with the right skills ! You might want to be concerned about STD's he doesn't sound trustworthy to me, IMHO. You deserve to be treated better. I see red flags all through your post .Sounds like a cheater or he's searching to...This is his lack of character. Don't feel bad like there is something wrong w/ you as to why he acts the way he does..But you definately need to find a way to look out for whats best for you regarding this situation...
I wish you the best..Y
Firstly, I'm very sorry you're going through such pain, a pain I've been experiencing deeply for a week now, as I just found out about 6 years of infidelity, infrequently with the same person. This pain stops you from living, or eating, or being able to enjoy any part of your life.
We had fought big fights over the years about this person, with my partner vehemently denying that nothing was going on. According to him, they were just friends from before we met. Even though they met as a sexual encounter. But he told me he wanted to keep in touch with via the occasional text saying happy new year, etc, and that they were now simply just friends, and never got together, just texts and hellos over the phone.
My spying when I could feel something was going on, and him denying it when it happened repeatedly, damaged my self esteem and made me feel like a jealous paranoid, phone-spying fool.
Well it was all a huge web of lies. They were getting together for sex whenever my partner could meet up while driving home to visit his parents 2 hours away. It was motel rooms, bawdy houses, car sex, all of it, including a threesome and an introduction to crystal meth.
It was only after I recently discovered a receipt from a motel stay in Feb 2011, in a city 40 minutes away from his parents place. I asked him about this on a Monday, and he couldn't think of why he'd be staying there and didn't give me any further information.
By Wednesday morning it was eating me alive. I awoke to the horrible feeling that something was very wrong and that he was hiding something. But his memory has always been poor and 2011 was three years ago, so playing dumb for his was safe, and I dare not question him after all the fights we've had over this.
So I dug further into the pile of receipts destined for the shredder, that he'd forgotten about, where I'd found the one for the motel stay on Monday. And out of thirty of so, in those receipts, I found the evidence. He was BUSTED!
The exact day before the motel stay, there was a receipt for a butcher shop in his mother's home town where he'd gone to visit and stay for the weekend. So what is he doing staying in a motel Saturday night with a checkout of Sunday when you're supposed to be staying at your mother's who's dying of cancer?
So Wednesday night, when he arrived home from work, I poured our usual cocktail, turned on the news and allowed him to relax for a bit doing his crossword. It took me about 30 minutes to get the guts to ask him, " So did you give anymore thought to the receipt for the motel stay?" To which he replied he had not.
I then asked him, "Why then are you buying steaks and staying with your mother on Saturday, yet checking out of a motel 40 minutes away the next day on Sunday? You would have had to be staying at the motel Saturday night to have checked out on Sunday?"
Well let me tell you his face changed. He took a big swallow, and admitted to having sex with it at that location and remembers there was a big snow storm that night. I had by that point found further evidence which I confirmed via his gas receipts, where he'd said he'd gassed up there on the way home, but when I checked google maps online, it showed 27 gas stations that he drove passed, "on his way home" in order to get gas. So again, he was busted.
So you see it all comes out eventually. If you feel it in your gut, then it's real.
If he won't talk to you about it, that means he's still in the fog about his activities. Unfaithful partners want to bury what they've done because they're not finished with their dirty business, and know the repercussions it will have on their marriage. So it's almost impossible to get it out of them until you can find rock solid evidence, as I did with those receipts.
Truly repentant betrayers will want to tell you everything, because they want it to be over and they want to heal and have a relationship with you. Since he won't tell you anything, he's hiding something.
Any kind of emotional cheating, which means they haven't had sex yet, just sexting, etc., leads to meeting for sex at some point, and usually when you are away, or the betrayer is away. They will deny this vehemently, as did mine, so don't even ask them about little texts, save them, document them, and compare them to phone calls to you etc., but don't blow what you've found along the way, that will only drive him to hiding things better and further.
Depending on how much you have invested in him, weigh out your options. I am working with my partner to resolve this as he is repentant and sees the wrong this person has done as well as the wrong he has done. It was also a no strings attached situation and the person he's cheating with is only interested in fun sex and is emotionally incapable of anything more, and thoroughly enjoys it's sexual freedom.
Without him talking to you about it, or even admitting to any of it, he's still in the fog that allows him to think that what he's doing is okay as long as he doesn't get caught.
Sticking around in the state that you are in, is going to make you uber suspicious and jealous and turn you into something ugly which will lead him to believe that he was right all along to cheat on you.
Be brave, do as much private snooping as you can, and when you find undeniable evidence, prepare yourself for what you want to do about it. Don't throw it all at them expecting answers because they'll try to lie their way out. Get your answers from your evidence. If he's truly repentant, he'll fill in the blanks and tell you what happened. Sometimes a betrayer in their fog, will be in denial, and won't be able to break down and realize what they've done,or even tell you how bad it had gotten, or the use of drugs or other nasty sexual details of their meetings.
If he is now super cautious, at you becoming increasingly suspicious, become a detective. Know that what you're doing is going to tell you what's going on, without his lying to you about it.
Collect information like receipts, do screen shots of fb pages or other conversations you may have found on the computer. Even lay traps if you have to.
After my discovery day, I needed to know just how bad his cheating was and I checked the phone calls he made to me while he was visiting his parents. Like when he'd arrive, before going to bed, in the morning after waking up, and a call when he's leaving.
When I analyzed my incoming calls from him, as would any detective looking for pieces of a puzzle, I could see the times he called that were too early to say he's going to bed. Or the times he'd arrive home late without calling to say he's leaving. Or the weekends that he didn't call at all and texted me instead.
I matched these calls with the times he'd been meeting with it, and it was quite obvious, if only I had looked more analytically then at those times, I would have known. Thing is I did do those things and I did get paranoid and I did ask him why didn't you call, why did you text when you always call, why are you home so late? They would always end up with him lying at me then getting mad directly afterwards, and that would stop me from pressing further.
And we fought, and he denied it to the point of having screaming fits towards me, when all along it WAS happening, he was denying it, and I was suffering. So cheaters will lie to the umth degree, and that's why you need solid evidence. It went on for 6 years until the day I discovered my evidence.
Go on detective mode. Do it for yourself so you can save your sanity. You are a good person and what he's doing is despicable.