Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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A rushed decision?

socksonducks
socksonducks

A four year, amazing relationship with someone who I would describe as my best friend and whole world (and he too would say about me). 2 years into the relationship we move into his mums house and things become tense to say the least. Approx 5 months ago we both get new jobs and our relationship starts to become complacent and the intimacy almost goes completely. We were house hunting about month ago and find our dream house, he negotiates and next thing I know we are in the process of buying it. However just over a week ago I found out that shortly after reserving the house he starts having an affair with someone from work. Things go south, I find out and now I've gone into a downward spiral of pain and disbelief. He says the lack of intimacy and worry of commitment are main factors for the affair, and that a car crash he was in last week was the 'realisation moment' where he knew he wanted to fully commit to me and that what he did was wrong and disrespectful. My love for him has not changed and I think I want to make things work but i cant help thinking that the house is looming over my judgement. I know I'm not going to heal, forgive or even move on any time soon but I just cant get the affair out of my mind... how will I feel when we move in together... or he if proposed... or we had children? Would I regret my decision in the future? He is keen for couples counselling but I question my faith in him to fully commit and put me first. It's not like I'm worried he is going to cheat again, I firmly believe he wont, i just dont know if what has happened weighs too heavy on my shoulders. Completely torn in two.

2manyregrets
2manyregrets
Well I feel for you and I apologize that you're going to this because it is extremely difficult and hurtful and the reality is that there's no logical reason to cheat as in my case for I did have an emotional affair and I used excuses and blame my wife which I regret and the reality is I was a broke down person and the person who I had my emotional affair with was also a broke down person and has nothing to do with the relationship whether the relationship is in a good place or bad place nevertheless there is no excuse to go elsewhere and get attention and unfortunately sometimes we are too immature to find that out and figure that out and by the time we figure it out we have already caused damage to our loved one. I'm using voice texting so I apologize if any of my message comes across hard to read. I feel that if you feel like you got your full disclosure from him and the information that you want that is explainable and that you feel that he truly is remorseful and that he has made the changes or a leases making the changes that will be needed then I would tell you that I feel that you guys will be okay and that I would not let your house decision make you feel guilty about staying in the relationship because at the end of the day he truly loves you then he will do what's right and my advice to you would be to truly listen to your gut and do not listen to your heart but do listen to your gut
MemphisWH
MemphisWH
Pain like this hurts, the healing will take a long time, or at least seem that way until it doesn't.
The good news if you reflect, focus on yourself and heal, give the gift of forgiveness to yourself as well you will be able to heal faster.
Now you two need to sit down and set rules out for you to restore your trust in him. It could take two years for your trust to come back.
IF you do not heal and work on it your trust will always question everything.
Know that his cheating had nothing to do with you, if he cheats again it is not your fault. He made that choice.

Keep a journal it helps
reaThua9
reaThua9
Hi, I'm so sorry you're hurting, I completely understand why you're struggling with this. I think the fact that he's pushing for counseling is a really good sign that he's serious about healing the relationship, and since you have so many questions spinning in your head, isn't that what counseling is there for? To help you sort those out? Just because you go to couple's therapy with him doesn't mean you've committed to a future with him, or made a decision. But since you're so torn, it seems like that's probably the most helpful step you can take.
Praying for you as you're going through this, God bless.