Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
yesterday me and my SO, got in an argument, I don't know if he is done, or we will work things out, but he has a BIG problem with marijauna. He been smoking it since he was 7, and "says" he can't quit. He also says he never intends to quit, that he warned me about this when he first got with me. I told him yesterday I didn't want to buy it for him anymore, cause it's my paycheck, I have a right to spend it on what I want and I don't smoke marijauna, so I don't need to buy it. I think I was so in love with him in the beginning , I was willing to accept everything and anything. I still love him. But I don't want to be second to anything, I am his mate, i should come first. I should be his first love, not anything else.I think this is why it's so easy for him to cheat? because mary jane is his first love, I'm his second, does that make sense? I am there in his life for gratification and company. Is it possible to love me when he is in addiction? I've dealt with this before and I should know about the problem of addiction, my ex is a big Alcoholic.
I know I am going to be so lonesome with out him if he chooses to leave. Also i don't want to stay with someone who has such a big addiction. I just feel like am I the only one in this world who believes being sober and clean is the best way to be. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, in my spirit that I can't keep a relationship going. I think I need to work on me for a bit. I couldn't sleep last night I kept thinking of him, and i finally went to sleep about 4 this morning. I wonder if he would be happier with someone in the same addiction as him? I just know that I can't afford it anymore. I hope he chooses what is best for him. I know I have to stand my ground and stand up for myself. It's not healthy and it could cost my job if it shows up in my system. He acts like its no big deal. His mom gives him money all the time and has no second thoughts about it. She gets mad at me for getting stingy with my money. It's not that he is a total druggie and don't do anything, he is functional addict? one that can work and still be an addict?
Regardless its an affair like situation. I hope someone out there understands the topic, of affair i added on this. So in this case it's like I am the OW.
I know I am going to be so lonesome with out him if he chooses to leave. Also i don't want to stay with someone who has such a big addiction. I just feel like am I the only one in this world who believes being sober and clean is the best way to be. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, in my spirit that I can't keep a relationship going. I think I need to work on me for a bit. I couldn't sleep last night I kept thinking of him, and i finally went to sleep about 4 this morning. I wonder if he would be happier with someone in the same addiction as him? I just know that I can't afford it anymore. I hope he chooses what is best for him. I know I have to stand my ground and stand up for myself. It's not healthy and it could cost my job if it shows up in my system. He acts like its no big deal. His mom gives him money all the time and has no second thoughts about it. She gets mad at me for getting stingy with my money. It's not that he is a total druggie and don't do anything, he is functional addict? one that can work and still be an addict?
Regardless its an affair like situation. I hope someone out there understands the topic, of affair i added on this. So in this case it's like I am the OW.
You can stand behind me. I have coffee.
Hell no, you shouldn't buy it for him. You don't have to be around it. Or have it in your home.
Cuz, damn, it's illegal.
When my EX picked his booze over me? Hurt like hell, but it was also one eye opening experience for me. I think it is for you too. I didn't accept it one bit.
I have the impression that you aren't either.
L~
I am right by setting boundaries, but I tend to say really hurtful things when I am hurt. I feel validated by it, like he hurt me, so I am going to hurt him. Especially with the cheating, its been 8 mos. since then, but the wounds still are fresh and I can't seem to stop thinking about it on a daily basis.
He understands what I meant by being second, and not wanting to be in that position.
I love him. I don't want to be the stupid woman who just puts up with anything to have a man. Or the psycho woman on tv who kills for her man. I just want to be loved,cherished, tooken care of, protected...and all that mushy stuff. I want him to realize we are lucky to have each other.
I remember when I was growing up in high school I said, I am never going to get with this kind of man, I am going to love my man so much he will never cheat on me, and I will get with a man who never abuses me, and takes care of me and loves our children, and we'll have a house and a white picket fence.....
reality......far from my prince charming......2 past abusive relationships.......and one child turned out to be so rebellious...I got a reality concussion?....hit on the head by reality way too many times.
My mom recently told me (I am 40 yrs old, so this happened 30 yrs ago) that she told my dad one time that she needed some money to buy me some school clothes. He said no, he needed the money to buy beer and cigarettes. Now, granted it was HIS money, he worked for it, but my mother did not work and expected him to provide for us,
My father died last fall. I'm not ready to forgive him for the choices he made yet. He failed me. He provided a roof over my head but it was still a diifcult childhood, he chose beer and cigarettes over us, not just that one day, but every day. He sobered up just 2 years before his death. He realized it was killing him, too late. The damage was done. To his body. To his family.
Please be the best parent you can to your 4 children. I read your journal. You have some challenges with each of them, but you see what they are and are tackling them.
You are doing great, keep going.
I am trying to give you a wake up call -- by being politely blunt -- so I hope you get where I am coming from.....
Why in world would you want to buy drugs for someone else and put yourself at risk and potentially get arrested etc etc .?
What I am reading into what you are sayig is that the main (only?) reaosn you are still with him is because you are afraid to be alone) -- if that is the case -- then you are not in a health relationshp.
As for the "Functional addict part" -- most are really good at hiding it the rest of the world -- however --- most of the time that will eventually catch up with them....(DUI) or work , possesion or something.
I wish you well....
Maybe you will be reminded of why you feel for him to begin with. But with that being said- if he's a cheater, then no matter what you deserve better.