Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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a cheater's regret

mildred71
mildred71
I cheated on my husband. First, I became "friends" with the other man, then I moved in with my mom, and separated from my husband, later I filed for divorce with my husband, and moved in with the other man. It took a year for the divorce to be finalized, and during that year I was living with and even engaged to the other man.

So, that's my story, but not all. Once the divorce was finalized, I wanted to go back to my husband. I broke up with the other man, and remarried my husband. I went no contact with the other man, and have not seen or heard from him in years.

What I regret so badly is the affair hurt and damaged my feelings for my husband. I used to be so in love with my husband. However during the actual time of the affair, I did not care about my husband, refused to have sex with him, did not miss him, etc.

Now, whenever an old guy friend calls me or writes me, or a new cute guy flirts with me, I just imagine that they are the other man, and I try to flee all temptation. Slowly but surely, I have tried to rekindle my feelings for my husband, but I regret.
deleted_user
deleted_user
im confused, you went back to him out of guilt? if you dont have the feelings for him that you did, then why are you wasting his time and yours? good for you for not cheating again, but seriously.... am i missing something here?
ScarletAngel
ScarletAngel
I'm with Fooled, why did you remarry him if you didn't have feelings for him?
mildred71
mildred71
I remarried my husband because I do love him. The strength of my feelings for him changed during the course of the affair, which I blame on the affair, and that is why I never want to have an affair again. Lesson learned. My central point, is that besides everything else, an affair can damage the feelings that a person has for their spouse! Idk that going into the affair. I just thought, well if things do not work out, I still have my husband, and my husband is a really good person. Thank you so much for your questions.
mildred71
mildred71
Also...I apologize if in any way I seemed like I thought it was OK to have an affair. I realize that my actions were not responsible, good, or considerate, and I do regret.
deleted_user
deleted_user
these things happen. i am sure you didnt mean to hurt your husband.
let me ask you this - when men flirt with you do you feel good about it and leave it at that or are you actually tempted to do something?
if you are tempted you may need to rethink marriage- not that you dont love your husband and i am sure you do but maybe not enough to be married to him? idk. i have a whole other view of marriage now that most people would probably shun but from what i have been through and from what i have seen and read my opinion on marriage has changed. so that's why i say that. marriage is binding in my opinion and is not for everyone (including me) - if you are tempted with others and want to be with others (and i am not saying that is wrong - that's human nature - you CANT just be ONLY attracted to one person forever - things happen) and you are trying to rekindle something that isnt there yet then why bother? sorry but maybe i am missing something.
Blindsidedagain
Blindsidedagain
Does your husband know that you had an affair?
mildred71
mildred71
Yes, my husband knew that I had an affair. He found love letters, cards, pictures. My husband did not cheat on me, he just consistently called me and tried to let me know that he still loved me. After about a year of this, once the divorce was finalized, my husband did the 180 on me. Things with the OM were not going good after the divorce was finalized, the OM even said I do not care that you got a divorce! When that was the very thing he had been wanting for a year. The OM even decided that I could not live with him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hope you get your feelings figured out. This man does not deserve to live in a loveless marriage. Do you feel that you'd cheat again? Does he treat you good? If so, remember there are a lot of bad ones out there. I am a firm believer that if you once loved him, you can re-kindle those feelings. Maybe your'e guilt is holding you back from giving him all your heart?..... Just a thought. If this is true, then you need to forgive yourself and put everything in your marriage. Sometimes ppl who have done the cheating want to punish themselves for a long time. As a BS...... I wouldn't want my H to live in regret and guilt all his life.... what kinda life is that? it does not make a happy person. If your not happy w/ yourself, how can you make anyone else happy?
rbsingle1959
rbsingle1959
I am confused here like the rest. It sounds to me like you didnt care about your husbands feelings and went out and cheated and now that things did not work out with the other man you decided to come back to your husband and he took you back. What a guy. I think since the other man didnt care that you got a divorce and you found out the grass was not greener on the other side you had to go back to your actual lawn and continue planting there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
no offense, but it sounds like maybe you feel the need for some man to be in your life. ??? look deep within yourself and really ask yourself how you feel about your husband. if you have to REKINDLE feelings then forget it. imo it's either there or it's not. especially if you feel TEMPTED by others who flirt. it's one thing to just feel good when someone flirts and leave it at that but if you're tempted that's not good. maybe you need to be on your own for a while and find out what you really want before hurting your husband again. ?
mildred71
mildred71
The sad truth- rbsingle1959- is that is just how it happened, I rushed into having an affair, and when I realized the grass was not greener on the other side, I jumped back over onto my own lawn. I have asked my husband, if his feelings for me have diminished since the affair, and he just says that he does not trust me like he used to, but he still loves me very much. @ JulErry, thank you so much for your support and encouragement, do not worry, I am not planning to break his heart again. I have realized the pain I have caused to all parties involved, and it's not something I would wish on anyone. I really do love my husband, and even more I believe in him, his character, his heart. I could never believe in the OM, one of the reasons I went no contact after the breakup. Thank you all for your questions and concern. I want essentially for people to be aware that if infidelity occurs, then it could damage precious and sacred feelings for one's spouse. Right now, I am doing what I can to make my marriage work, and I have faith that it will be beautiful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
So glad you learned your lesson. You have a loving husband, don't break his heart again.