Mine increased. I didn't understand why. I later learned about hysterical bonding. That is when the bs feels overly connected with the cs. There is a feeling of falling in love and highly sexual. I knew it wasn't going to last. I asked the counselor why I was feeling this way and she brushed it off. Itc was here at DS that I read about it.

Enjoy it while it lasts but don't be shocked if yoy have delayed disgust.

Mine didn't increase or decrease much. Hers did when the affairs started.

It is funny because I feel 18 again. Well without the going 5, 6, or 7 times a night. But I seem to last a lot longer. Sometimes to the point of no completion. Another thing is, I have found myself watching more porn than usual. Its weird because I don't seem to be turned on by it.

Do you feel like you are objectifying your spouse? I haven't had intercourse with my wife since before DDay (17 months ago), but we have been somewhat intimate. And I find that I cannot be at all intimate with her without completely objectifying her. To be crass, I will never make love to her again, but I might be willing to fuck her.

Mrcellophane, 17 months is a long time and to say you will never make love with her is concerning. Are you hoping for a rebuild? What is it you want as a future with or without her? Is she doing all the right things to promote a successful rebuild?

I hadn't had sex with ny hubby for 4 years due to vulvodynia which comes from my fibro. He didn't mind as he has ED from his asthma meds. Frustrating to know that he had an affair when he could not keep an erection with me but swears this affair wasn't about sex it was more affection, sort of ego stroking, he also texts women he claims he doesn't know and calls them sexy and stuff. He is not the guy I married for sure. I told him if after 20 years married and 32 together with 2 teen daughters he wants our marriage to continue he best get his head out of his ass! He says he wants to save the marriage so time will tell, first time he screws uphe is done . If he wants me he will work at it and prove it.

@Pink - My situation is complicated (just like everybody else here, I imagine). She had an affair with her boss - which was bad enough. But after I confronted her she LEFT ME for her boss. Which, as expected, did not pan out well for her. He quickly dumped her and fired her. We are separated and I don't really want to reconcile. She is desperate to reconcile and is doing everything she can to make things right. But my heart just isn't in it. We might be able to build something new and different, but what we had is lost forever. And I don't really want to build something new and different with her. I'd rather start over with somebody else - and candidly I think she would probably be better off trying to start over with somebody else. But we have two small children, and staying together would almost certainly be better for them. She and I get along well enough, and we cooperate and co-parent very well. So, let's just say that I am on the "Divorce" side of the fence, but I look back over to the "Reconcile" side of the fence from time to time.

Sometimes, the sex is used as a form of power/aggression. Rage gets all in the mix. Unable to complete is due to your mixed feelings; you can't let go of the power enough to release. All is normal for this circumstance.

Funny- they always say, "It's not about the sex." If that were the case, then it's called, "friendship" and there's no need to hide the relationship.

Interesting thread. I was so disgusted with myself last time something came up, and I was all over him.. like a previous poster said, like I had something to prove.

Mine has greatly increased as well. We used have sex 2 times a week and now it is 2-4 times a day. I internalized it as wanting my H to have a better experience with me but never thought of the control part... that is interesting. It is def hysterical bonding.

If the hysterical bonding is over for you, how long did it last? I know this can not last forever.

I can relate to a lot of what Mr. Cellophane says. It may not be quite to that extreme for me but the part of his candid statement of " I will never make love to her again...." does hit home for me. While I dont think that I objectify my wife (and in fact have no doubt that I treat her far far better than her AP's who absolutely wanted her for only sex and didn't hide that fact at all) I also do not feel like I have "made love" with her since Dday. We have had plenty of sex, we have had our phases of hysterical bonding, which that part is mostly over, and we maintain a fairly healthy sex life (healthy in a physical sense but not in the sense that I feel a true relationship should be)

While I think some people can fall to one extreme or the other, either they cant stand to have sex with the CS or they go on overdrive hysterical bonding, I'm guessing that many people fall in between and go back and forth. I know for me there were (and still are) times where I was just too disgusted to want to do anything, then there were times where my drive was increased so it overall evened out I guess. Not that I mean that in a good sense because no matter what it was it was and never will be the same.