Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Listen guys, I'm really trying here. Funny thing is, so is my H for the most part. He's still lying to me rather than deal with what my reaction might be. Example, he prepared the taxes of the sister of the affair and then lied when I asked him how did she pay you. Turns out she didn't, and I knew that even before I asked. It's clear that he would rather lie to me then like I said deal with my reaction. I keep explaining that when I eventually find out that it probably will be worse. Also what do you do when you are invited somewhere you would rather not go and he wants to?? One invite from a childhood friend of his, is to renew vows. I'm not really in the celebrating mood right now, plus we haven't seen them in over 20 years. I don't know maybe it's me, but everytime we are invited somewhere he has to go and I just don't want to sometimes. Trivial or a concern??
I'm not sure of your full story but in general there are rules, of sorts, they the cs should willingly follow. Has he been open to doing what you need to heal? Is he remorseful and showing a genuine desire and effort to change? Are the two of you in therapy?
I get his reluctance to confess his behavior but he really needs to change that. My husband is similar in that he hates confrontation and avoids it like the plague. It is something we both struggle with.
I would suggest you find a good calm time to discuss the issues in the most non confrontational way possible. Figure out what your boundaries are and what you both need to rebuild the relationship. If you can't handle this vote renewal, let him know. If you feel you need him to support you and be home with you let him know that. Men in my experience are horrible at reading minds and between the lines. They are usually more responsive to very clear requests and clear reasons for those requests.
EX: "I am feeling anxious about this vow renewal and am afraid I will be triggered and not know how to handle it. I would appreciate if you could stay home with me that night instead, I need to feel your putting my feelings and needs as a priority"..
I'm not saying it will work (or that those are your reasons. Just an example) but at least its telling him what you want and why you want it. Of course your using your words and thoughts. I just threw that out there as a sample.
Have him read some books. There's one that I always get the name slightly wrong but something like this "how to help your spouse recover from your affair, the compact manual"
Its a quick read and tells him the key things he should be doing to help you.
This is what Pink was talking about