Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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JessicaLeighton 02/14/2015

Last few days I've been mad. But now I just feel not good enough. I know he sees and feels me pulling away. But all I want to do is cry and talk about what he's done. But the one person I want to talk to won't talk to me about it. If he'd only realize that talking would make things better and help me. I wish he could feel what I feel for a week then just maybe he'd talk to me. I hate being left in the dark and feeling like our marriage is built off of lies. I never wanted this or to feel these emotions. But i do. I know it'll make me stronger in the end but when's it going to be enough? Why do I have to live the rest of my life with assumptions because he doesn't want to talk about it? Why does he have to know what he did but not me? I just feel like I'm in a deep hole and can't get out.

arrabella 02/14/2015

It is very hard to save a marriage when the CS doesn't come clean and start trying to rebuild the trust he has destroyed. How can you trust someone who is still keeping information from you? My H continued to keep things from me for 3 years. He thought he was "protecting "me from further pain. I thought he was trying to cover his butt and protect her. I ordered a book for him after he agreed to read it. After he read it he told me everything and really started working to redeem himself. The book is HOW TO HELP YOUR SPOUSE HEAL FROM YOUR AFFAIR by Linda MacDonald. I went to counseling for the first few months after d-day and that was helpful too. I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is so devastating to one's soul. It does get better with time but being in the dark delays healing immeasurable. Your H could help you very much if he could understand that you need to have answers so you can reconstruct your reality. I hope he comes to realize that before too much more damage had been done. Best wishes to you, hugs.

JessicaLeighton 02/15/2015

Thank you. I'll mention the book to him and see what he says. He's not big on reading.

jaymee4647 02/16/2015

My husband and I read it together it took approximately four hours, but in between each chapter we had a discussion

daddyrocs 02/16/2015

http://affaircare.com/articles/understanding-your-loyal-spouse/

This has been the best article I have found on what needs to be dons for the BS to heal.

If you agree send the link to him. And good luck dear.

MrCellophane 02/16/2015

I have to echo arrabella. In fact, I think most every BS here would agree: It will be exceedingly difficult for you to move forward without him answering each and every question.

Lenoire 02/19/2015

"Your H could help you very much if he could understand that you need to have answers so you can reconstruct your reality. I hope he comes to realize that before too much more damage had been done."

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Nothing will quell your need for answers until you have the answers, as you may have discovered.

He is not in any position to be able to help you in this way. And unless you have some hard evidence, he'll gas-light you and keep you in the dark.

Have you sought some individual counselling to help you alleviate some of the pressure you're experiencing? A therapist may be able to help you take a direction that you haven't thought of.

I must say that age plays a role here in that he is probably not emotionally mature enough to handle what he's done and he knows that you will not be so accepting once you find out the truths.

It may take some investigative techniques on your behalf to find the information you're seeking, but I wouldn't except him to step forward anytime soon. The more you try to get things out of him, the further he'll dig his heels in.

If you feel that you are "in a deep hole and can't get out", it may be because you're relying on him to help you, and that's not happening.

I wish you well.

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