Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I don't know how to start this.. but from what I have been reading I am think I am in the right spot .. I have been living with the same guy for 20 years.. We've been through so much crap that my other friends and family memebers don't even understand.. I can't even talk to them any more I just look like the fool.... I should mention a few things.. I am a parapaligic I was when we met I broke my back in a MVA at 18.. we met when I was 22 he was 36.. He had a 5 year old girl.. .. He has been diagnosed : Bipolar, Double Depression and S.A.D..
During this time I believe (gut instinct) he has slept with 2 women.. I would put money on it.. the more I think about it, could be 4.. He swears he hasn't and that I am crazy..
the two that I believe he slept with he became extremely emotionally attached to.. When i called him on the one.. He lost it on me for a twenty minute car ride.. He was so mad at me for calling her on it.. He blocked me from talking to her.. and Told me I was crazy out of control..
That one was about 4 years ago.. Since her we have never been the same.. my trust was so broken by this point.. around the same time I found he was on match.com in his history and a few others.. i could never find a profile.. I looked omg I looked..
So about a year later I was looking again.. found match.com and ashelymaddison.com and meetup.com... and twitter.. in the history I looked like carzy again.. made my self sick.. really really sick..
I called him on it.. he denied everything again. I was crazy.. Again.
About one year after that confrontation I was placed in the hospital for 95 days.. I came home and checked his computer..I was looking for the last ones name.. I delete so much I should not have.. looking back.. But I found her name in his FB searches.. When I called him on it he tryed to lie his way out then he changed his mind.. and said some bullshit reason of why he was looking her up.. I was pissed and sent him and email of why I was made about finding her name.. his response.. is what go me HERE..
"oh I thought you where mad about something else you found.. and then he went on about how much he loves me and doesn't want to ever leave.. and blah blah blah..
So I went on a search.!!
I found to secret email address.. (finally found them) I can't get in to them yet.. But I was so excitted.. I wasn't crazy.. I never was.. I farking new it.. !!!!!!
I am still not mad I am detached omg I am detached.. I don't owe him anything I don't have to listen to him.. I don't have to cater to him I have to obligation to him.. and No guilt .. I don't have to feel guilty for calling him on this shit.. he did this.. HE has been lying for years.. and making me feel like the crazy one..
But where to from here? what do I do now? I proved my point.. but part of me is still finding excuses for him.. and part of me is hurting for our family we have more children now and grand children that we are helping raise.. I am not 23 anymore.. I can't walk or move properly maybe that is the reason.. It is my fault.. this is how I am feeling.. so maybe I should allow him to keep doing what he is doing.. Maybe I should just except I picked the broken one.. I am not mad any more I am not feeling guilt any more or obligation.. but I am confused..
During this time I believe (gut instinct) he has slept with 2 women.. I would put money on it.. the more I think about it, could be 4.. He swears he hasn't and that I am crazy..
the two that I believe he slept with he became extremely emotionally attached to.. When i called him on the one.. He lost it on me for a twenty minute car ride.. He was so mad at me for calling her on it.. He blocked me from talking to her.. and Told me I was crazy out of control..
That one was about 4 years ago.. Since her we have never been the same.. my trust was so broken by this point.. around the same time I found he was on match.com in his history and a few others.. i could never find a profile.. I looked omg I looked..
So about a year later I was looking again.. found match.com and ashelymaddison.com and meetup.com... and twitter.. in the history I looked like carzy again.. made my self sick.. really really sick..
I called him on it.. he denied everything again. I was crazy.. Again.
About one year after that confrontation I was placed in the hospital for 95 days.. I came home and checked his computer..I was looking for the last ones name.. I delete so much I should not have.. looking back.. But I found her name in his FB searches.. When I called him on it he tryed to lie his way out then he changed his mind.. and said some bullshit reason of why he was looking her up.. I was pissed and sent him and email of why I was made about finding her name.. his response.. is what go me HERE..
"oh I thought you where mad about something else you found.. and then he went on about how much he loves me and doesn't want to ever leave.. and blah blah blah..
So I went on a search.!!
I found to secret email address.. (finally found them) I can't get in to them yet.. But I was so excitted.. I wasn't crazy.. I never was.. I farking new it.. !!!!!!
I am still not mad I am detached omg I am detached.. I don't owe him anything I don't have to listen to him.. I don't have to cater to him I have to obligation to him.. and No guilt .. I don't have to feel guilty for calling him on this shit.. he did this.. HE has been lying for years.. and making me feel like the crazy one..
But where to from here? what do I do now? I proved my point.. but part of me is still finding excuses for him.. and part of me is hurting for our family we have more children now and grand children that we are helping raise.. I am not 23 anymore.. I can't walk or move properly maybe that is the reason.. It is my fault.. this is how I am feeling.. so maybe I should allow him to keep doing what he is doing.. Maybe I should just except I picked the broken one.. I am not mad any more I am not feeling guilt any more or obligation.. but I am confused..
We are common law didn't get married..
two children his daughter who is now 25 and our son who is 17..
We live in the mountains and don't have cell phone signal.. I did notice that yahoo was set up with a cell phone number and Gmail as well had reference to a cell number.. But I can't figure out what number he is using.. if it is a hidden cell or if it is a past cell number.. I don't know we are not rolling in the money to have extra's right now.. but that doesn't mean I couldn't see him hidding one.. I don't trust anything right now..
My daughter knows she is giving me ideas on where to look.. My son this would hurt him so bad.. He had been diagnosed from PTSD when I left his dad when he asked me what would you do if I had an affair.. He is the major reason i came back.. even when my heart was saying
he's still lying.. ..
Me what do I want to do.. I don't know.. I really don't know.. I was just so excited that I finally found proof to show that I was right.. that I didn't take time to think what I would want to do past that obsession.. Now I sit here lost...hurt ,confused and empty.. I don't know.. or maybe I don't have much I can do.. Like I said don't have much money right now with me being sick.... I am trapped money wise.. I see part of why he is doing what he is doing but it's his sickness and I thing the only thing I can do right now is detach and get the courage to ask for those passwords and maybe move into my own room.. Allow him to be who he is.. but if I move into my own room and allow him to be who he is.. Do i really need the pass words.... If we work on it he has to be honest.. and I don't think he will be.. '
You mentioned you left him once before? that's why your son has PTSD?
I would leave if my H wasn't absolutely 100% honest and up front. Transparent with all his accounts. I have always had his passwords ect... I never checked them. I do now... and I have other ways I monitor his accounts. Not as much as I use to, but I still do.
I don't have family I can run to I am in one province and the rest of my family is in another .. his family is tired of it.. I guess it was really bad relationships prior to ours.. REALLY.. I don't even want to know what they looked like.. I am not a hitting type of person .. Don't hit me ever!!!! and he knows that I watched my parents and I seriously will not tolerate physical abuse.. but look at what I will tolerate.. I need to set boundrie's and I don't with him.. (crazy) everyone else but him.. wtf..!!!
I left him when him and my friend became emotionally connected (again I believe it went farther) but that is right when my son was starting jr high with her daughter.. Her daughter was extremely hurtfull to my son in the middle of his classes about his dad and her mom.. Making comments we had kept the whole thing away from him.. He stopped going to school and stopped living life.. I stopped causing any problems and moved back to his dad.. and exsisted.. Now my son has not returned to school but has started working full time.. I shut down for along time.. I think I am just starting to want to fight for me again.. maybe I see my son finding his freedom.. I can't say anything to my husband about what I have found cause right now he drives our son to work and he Will stop.. it will be a form of control and punishment.. I have to be quite.. for a while so it gives me time to figure out your question..
What do I want?.. but in mean time.. I started reading a book on Women who love to much.. and I started an alanon forum and I am making a game plan.. on how to break free.. But thank you for letting me vent and type out my thoughts cause journal ling is good but when you are so isolated that journal ling is your only form of venting it gets one sided.. no questions to make think.. thanks..