I wonder why you feel worse. Maybe the counselor isn't the one for you? Counselors/psychologists are like physicians, and they all have different techniques, different styles, different bedside manners.....if one doesn't fit, there are others. You have to find someone who you feel you can work with.

Its really important to maintain NC. I know how hard it is, but truly, truly its the only thing that works.

And you need to give yourself time. You said you were with him for 9 years? That's a long time! Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a best friend.

As for closure, closure can go on indefinitely if you are still contacting him. Are you the one ending it? If you have told him that, its done. If you need to say more or talk out your feelings or vent or yell or scream or rationalize, my therapist suggested I write it all in a letter to say goodbye....but you don't have to send it. You can write it in a journal or you can burn it.

Shore is right--you said you had some contact with him--this needs to stop. You are not going to heal until you do stop contact with him. It is very difficult, but it is the right thing to do in order to get on with your life.

My feeling is that the contact with him is what has really made you feel so much worse. Been there.

I have come to the conclusion that closure is a fallacy. There is nothing that either of you can say to the other that will make you feel ok. Think about it, so he says I have never loved anybody like I love you, I will love you forever, I will never get over you, I am so depressed, I love you so much, This is so hard, I don't think I can do this... at the end of the day you are still done. You won't hurt any less. You will just want more. More reassurances, more time, more kisses, essentially you will want the A. It's gonna take time, and probably lots of it. And as somebody who is 2.5 years out and who still has contact with xOM, the continued contact only prolongs the letting go and healing. Hang in there. It is worth it. Regaining your self respect is worth it. You are worth it.

I know everyone is right. The counselor I think will be good for me it is more having to bring up and talk about things. I am the kind that likes to move on quick its over don't want to think and talk about it anymore. Fairytale land.

sorry for where you are at,
betrayal by the person you trust will put you there

.
there isn't anything that you can close, realizing that will be closet thing to closure that you can get

why cheaters cheat, the faithful can't understand
yes, there is no comfort in that statement
yet' it is true, so don't drive yourself trying to fathom what lies inside a twisted heart when yours is not

I agree I can't find a counselor that can comfort me, the 3 I've tried, sat in stunned silence, nodding, or adding noises, then basically said wow you've dealt with a lot, you're very strong, and you seem fine, what are you doing here? I am very strong, but I wanted that day when I could just fall apart, and have someone run around and pick up the pieces, and hold my hand, and tell me it was all going to be alright! there wasn't anyone there for me, so I dealt with it myself, you can too - if you don't have anyone, talk to yourself, write a journal, spill your guts on paper, or on tape/video, no one ever has to see it. it will just feel better getting it off your chest. rant, scream, cry, deal, you don't need someone else to tell you how you feel, just feel, and eventually, something else will come along, and make you feel less about this situation, and time will heal. it always does. be strong, be yourself, you can do it. hugs!