read your story,
I can't say why this world is as it is nor why God allows monsters like your husband to be in it

You've been abused by a sick twisted person that you trusted, that will turn your thinking all kinds of bad

You really should consider taking time to heal, to see the hell that you have been through is not of your making, see that you have value and worth,

Wow,,,, I just read your story and I am so so so sorry that this has happened to you.

Your ex husband cheated on you for three years and did reverse psychology on you. He twisted things around to make you feel like the bad guy..... and listen you are not the bad guy. He is a jerk and trust me when I say this is a blessing that you are divorced from him. He was no good for you. You will find someone that appreciates you. You will find someone that loves you and only you.

Your ex H and the girl will get there's one day. Karma is real. What you do to others comes back ten times worse. You were not the abuser. You did nothing wrong. He was wrong in so many ways.... and on so many levels.Your story,,,, you can't make that shit up..... that story is unthinkable, only a jerk of a husband can pull that off.

God will bless you to marry again and to a wonderful man that loves only you. Trust in Him. You will be ok. God will bless you.

First thing you are a good person!!!! Don't let anyone no matter how much you loved them make you think otherwise! Just keep trying to be a good person and when the time is right you will meet a good man not a controlling abusive man.
You definitely need to heal and work on getting your self esteem back that he robbed you of. You did not fail at marriage! Your husband failed at marriage! He also violated you rights and abused you. He was also very good at rationalizing his actions and blaming them on you.
At first my wife tried making her affair seem like it was my fault. That I should of been more of a man and not so emotional. As time went by we came to the conclusion that it did not matter what I had done that she was so caught up in the A that it was just a way for her to rationalize what she was doing.
Marriage is a two way street and if one person ever completely checks out of it there is very little hope. When he became passive aggressive toward you u wanted him more, or wanted the person that you married back. He was long gone.
I am so sorry for the pain you are in and have been threw. You will be a lot better in the future once you have had time to heal and realize the damage that he caused. I hope that you can heal and see that this was not a reason to loose hope in the future, in marriage, and in life. I hope that you can look back on this as what it was a nightmare and move on to a better place from it.
Don't worry about the fact that he is in the comfort of another woman, he will have to answer to God for the way he treated you and Karma is against him, once you have had time to heal will find comfort in a long and beautiful life with someone that loves you and not someone that brings you down.
Try to stay as positive as you can, do things to bring back your sense of self worth, work out or go for walks, change your hair get a foot massage or back massage! Anything that you enjoy doing to make you feel better. Remember one day at a time and it will get better just try to think positive. When you start thinking about all of the bad try to divert your thoughts to something positive. When I start thinking about the other man i try to rush my thoughts off of him and too something I treasure ridding horses. It does not always work and I still have anger and triggers but a lot of the time it really helps.
Dear Peggy is a great site to look at that you may find helpful there are many articles on her site.
I hope that helps some. I really hope you see that this was not your fault in anyway. Good luck, you have a beautiful future ahead of you.

What you have been through is awful. He did you a favor by leaving. It does not seem that way now but he was abusive, emotionally.

You are 26 still young don't look at it as time lost look at it as time gained. Can you imagine living that way for 2, 3 4 more years? It would have been a total waste and while you may be broken now, they (him and is ow) would have destroyed you. Now, you can move on you can be happy again.

The first thing I would advise is to work on you. Get into therapy (if you have not already, this was over a year ago though you are newly divorced) and start undoing all of the unnecessary trauma this man has inflicted. Yes you slapped him and threatened him with a knife but there was no need for him to do all of what he did either. He should have left, he did it anyway when you asked him to, there was no need to prolong the torture.

You have to be happy with you before you even think of dating again. You are just going to damage any relationship you get into until you are on the road to healing. Always be happy and proud of you and there will be no way for some other person to come in and destroy your self worth and esteem. NEVER give another person that kind of power over you. You don't sacrifice yourself for someone as vile as him. You can take care of yourself, think of your best interest and not be selfish. When people start to do harm, bring you down and are not a positive influence on your life, it is time to cut them lose.

When you start dating, start it right if you don't like something, don't settle and don't tolerated being treated poorly. Don't think because of him, no other man will see your value, that is so not true. Sometimes we pick the wrong one, just know when it time to let go. People only change when they want to, you can make them or fix them.

Your marriage failed because of his decision to cheat and then his decision to manipulate you through gas lighting and blame shifting, which prevented him from addressing his issues. Until he admitted his error, took responsibility for what he did, and worked to heal you by providing a safe, secure, and loving environment, your marriage with him was doomed. I don't care if you became the perfect spouse, fulfilling his every need. He is responsible for the failure of your marriage, not you.

Not that you don't have areas to improve on, we all do. But with his attitude and behavior, there is nothing you could have done to make that marriage work or fix him.

So take time to grieve, evaluate what red flags you might have missed that he was this type of person, and once you've found some healing for yourself, be a little more pickier with the next guy. Don't just accept the words "I love you," make him prove it by his attitude and self-sacrifice on your behalf.

Second marriages tend to fail more often because frequently the spouses who divorce don't address the underlying reasons why the marriage didn't work. They tend to carry the same baggage into the second marriage that destroyed the first.

Feel pity for the woman who is taking your place. She will likely experience the same hell you did because obviously he hasn't changed. Just chose a new victim.

What Cole said! YES! I agree with him 110%.

Don't focus on a, second marriage, another person making you happy, or anything else other than getting yourself to be number 1.

He was a liar in every sense of the word. You were not selfish then but you need to be now. You are young and have this painful experience to grow from. I'm sure there were red flags that you didn't notice. Figure out what's missing in your radar so you can learn to detect a complete piece of shit a mile away.

I bet head some key narcasistic traits that fooled you. They take their self love and project it into others. Its all part of the manipulation. Find yourself a great therapist, take great care of your health, spend quality time with friends and family. He is destined for misery and you, my girl are not!

Sing "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR" or more likely (since your only 26) "I'VE GOTC THE EYE OF THE TIGER AND YOUR GONNA HEAR ME ROOOOOAAAARRRR"

You got this. Thank him for showing you what a dickhead looks like

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation. Your story tells of a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from him, and he's damaged your psyche.

God has not allowed him to find someone to comfort him, he gone out on his own and has found himself another victim to abuse. God is busy trying to get you to blossom again.

Firstly, stop thinking about him and what he has found, and start concentrating on yourself and what is out there for you in this world. He's not worth a moment of your time. He is a control freak and has worked his craft on you. Do not use him as an example of what a good marriage can be, because I can assure you that many marriages are delightful and full of joy.

You will be married again someday, and it may come sooner than you think. But it won't come if you dwell on the past, when the wreckage you sustained was out of your control. You did nothing wrong, you were honest and loyal and he is a manipulating scumbag.

You are beginning a new journey, and the things you do at the start of this journey, will shape and pave the pathway ahead.

Stop focusing on your worries, there's nothing wrong with a divorced woman or man, and the stats you're referring to belong to those who do nothing about the mistakes they made the first time around, and commit them again, just with a different partner.

The mistakes you may have made, the insecurities you felt, the actions you took out of anger and fear, were all fueled by him, he brought out the worst in you, when you just wanted a white picket fence and a happy ending. He treated you like an animal and backed you into a corner, and you were acting out of self preservation.

If you are feeling low self esteem, it's because of what he's done to you. Begin to take an interest in yourself. Start doing the things most 26 year-olds love to do. Join a sports group, or any sort of group that interests you, where you can meet new people, and start feeling appreciated and involved.

Your personal life is yours alone, and you needn't expose yourself in every conversation, if you're feeling insecure. The time will come when you no longer feel like a victim, and it will happen sooner if you unfasten yourself from him.

The mind is a mysterious and powerful thing and it can bring you down or take you up to places you've never imagined you could reach. Life is only 10% of what happens to us, the other 90% is how we handle it.

Don't let yourself fall. Get up and know that there's a whole lot more living for you in this lifetime. You are a good person and there are many people out there waiting and wanting to meet someone like you.

I wish you strength and perseverance.

Thank you thank you!!! I have been torturing myself wth all these questions. Wondering what else could I have done to make him stay. But unfortunately there is nothing I could of dont to save our marriage. He is the person he is and it would of never worked because he is a cheater and a liar. If he didnt do this now he would of dont this to me 5 years10 years down the road. Thank you everyone. It feels really comforting to know that I can express my feelings without being judged "

I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
Im not nearly as wise as some of the others here and a lot of what I would have had to say has already been said, (likely said much better) I just hope that you know that you did NOT cause this and you are NOT to blame for what he did. The only actions you must take responsibility for are your own. I agree with Hereistohoping that getting into therapy to help mend the damage this person has done to you should be one of the first things you do; and that you need to learn to be happy and healthy before you think about dating again and I believe that by reaching out to this community you have already begun taking steps to being that happy healthy person you deserve to be.
*wishing you well*

Sorry for all you have been through. My advice is not to worry or even think about the stigma of divorce. Take some time to build a new life for yourself before being concerned about dating. Do things with friends. Volunteer. Join a club that interests you. Go to church. Seek God. Be kind to yourself.

The best piece of advice anyone ever gave me is the following: Don't make major decisions when you are on the heels of a crisis.

Take time to grieve, take time to heal, take time to cultivate friendships. Take time for fun, and keep busy.

If I were you, I would stay away from dating for a while, as you very well could end up with another Mr. Wrong because you have a painful void in your life to fill. Need clouds judgment, as does pain. You will think more clearly and objectively about things in a year or so.

Thank you Sara, it has been getting a little bit easier with al of your guys support and kind words

I didn't get divorced until I was 30, so older...but not much more, than you are now.

It's life-changing, schedule-altering, etc. It's heartbreaking, relieving, sad, a breath of fresh air. Lots of just STUFF wrapped into one.

You will survive.

Things take time. When changes happen, then it takes a moment to "right" itself.

Five years ago I would've though my world was ending...now? I can say that my X's affair was one of the best things I had, so I could officially get the out I needed from a marriage that was DONE.

Time heals a lot.

Many hugs....