Not sure what happened. My first few sentences got jumbled. I am new to this board, I have been on the emotional / physical abuse board for about 2 years.

I would say that consistency, understanding and open communication are probably the right approach and it sounds like you are doing the right things.

if it is the elephant in the room, just tell him... "I know you have been hurt, I understand how that feels. I will never hurt you in this way and the best way for me to prove this to you is through time. If you ever have a moment of doubt about me or a question - just ask and I will be happy to answer it. I am in no rush for you to say or do anything in particular, I just want us to be able to talk about these things so that they never surprise either of us".

My Best.

Thank you so much! I definitely feel like I'm walking on thin ice because I don't want to scare him away. When we first met he was dead set on having female friends, which through my therapist and research I am realizing is kind of like his security blanket. He told me he has no intention on doing anything and said he is not going anywhere and is exclusive with me and he now does not seem so he'll bent on having friends as girls but does have one. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that because of my past and he didn't tell me too bad like in the beginning, instead told me he understands and said it's hard to meet people and he doesn't want to go to bars because that's not what either of us want. I guess his ex wife had many guy friends and when I told him I didn't want him.to have girl friends, he quickly came back with, well don't you have boy friends, I said absolutely not. I know what triggers my insecurities and do my best to not do that to him. He seemed a little surprised but in a good way.

He seems very understanding of my feelings, I guess I too still have insecurities. And the last thing I want to do us push him away.

What are the chances of someone who has been cheated on to behave in the same way? I never would because I know how it feels, are all people who have been cheated on the same? This guy is very honest and loyal and even in the midst of all his ex did he never cheated.

Thank you for your advice and support. It means so much to me.

Sounds like you are speaking pretty openly with one another which is great!

I think part of my journey and from learning here is that anyone can cheat. There are lots of us where it is just not an option ethically but I guess my message is you will never really know if someone has the capacity and there of course is a vulnerability in this. Difficult as it may be I would try to embrace this as a part of you that you are giving him out of love. When two people give up a part of themselves to be vulnerable and trusting, well I think that is pretty special and the basis of a loving relationship..

There is risk in this of course but you don't win if you don't play :).

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I really like that I can talk to people who have personally experienced this. It gives me great hope of happiness. He is definitely worth it to me and deep down I feel like he is into me more than he admits.

i have no experience, i am a betrayed husband....haha well former husband, so i understand the hesitancy on his part

i ask, "what are you hoping for?" in this relationship, would it make sense to go to some pre-couples counseling?

i know that as of now, i am not ready to date.
if i ever am, i'm still going to be a basket case in my own head

you are trying to move forward with honor which is sweet, stay honest and out in the open

i hope the best works out for you two