Have you tried suggesting marriage counseling? This is exactly how my H was all summer. It was the hardest summer of my life. I know exactly the pain you are going through and the feeling of not truly knowing. Do you have a joint phone bill that you could get on and do some research of your own on?

marriage counseling will only prove to someone else that she does not want to communicate wit h me, i tried talking to her this morning when she got home from work and nothing no response but that phone was kept close

Some may disagree, but in a marriage, in a healthy marriage, you don't keep secrets like that. Phones are not off limits unless you have something to hide. That constitutes a window closed on your relationship, and a good chance it is open to someone else.

If she guards her phone a lot, there are other things you can do. There is the voice activated recorder you can place in her car. If you do get a hold of her phone, try common passwords she is likely to use, if you have any clues on those. If she uses a particular computer at home, install a key logger on it. If she does leave her phone accidentally open and available to you, do some research so you can install some phone spyware at a moments notice. At some point she's likely to slip.

But for me, the lack of transparency all by itself is enough to raise significant concerns. I would take the tact if she refuses to let you see her phone contents, you have to assume and act as if she is cheating, for you can make no other assumption. If she says she's not, then ask to see her phone to prove it. What is she hiding? There should be no "personal" business on the phone that you don't have a right to see short of her working for an intelligence agency of the government and the info on the phone is classified.

Maybe there is another explanation, but not likely. And if she had one, she'd tell you and show you. If you're married, then each others business becomes the others business. Otherwise, socially, there isn't much of a marriage going on.

There are pros and cons to knowing an to not knowing. My H told me he was never going to tell me because 1 he didn't want to hurt me (yeah that is funny you cheat but then don't tell because that would hurt) and 2 a priest told him not to tell me. I found out from a anonymous letter in the mail and my world came crashing down. Cole is right that being with someone means no secrets..your life is an open book. If she is ignoring you when asked what is going on then text her if the phone is that important to her. Just a suggestion..good luck

Hiding her phone is a red flag. Has she always done that? My stbx didn't start hiding his phone until the A began. After that, he had it on him at all times and would disappear into the bathroom to text OW. And saying it's her private business? Nope. That didn't fly with me when he said it either. If my spouse is cheating on me you're damn right it's my business. I believe that as hard as it is to know the truth, unless you do know the truth you aren't able to make informed decisions about what you want for your marriage. I'm sorry this is happening to you and hope that you can find some peace.

It is highly unlikely that she is NOT cheating with this kind of behavior. But before you force a showdown, please prepare yourself for how you will respond. If she is cheating and says she will stop, would you take her back? What would it take--counseling, promises, setting conditions, etc.? Be very careful not to be gullible. You have to be 100% sure she will keep her bargain.

However, from the way she's acting, it sounds more like she's NOT going to stop. Then what will you do? The worst case scenario would be for her to say she wants to leave you. So, you have to prepare yourself for a life without her. Please start making plans for what you will need to do. Be pro-active. Making plans for your future will help you feel better--at least you are doing SOMETHING, instead of just waiting for the bomb to be dropped. Figure out as much as possible in advance--money, property, your emotions and goals, and so on. This will make you stronger, and will give you time before you initiate a showdown. And please start right away, in case she beats you to the punch.

This is like the pioneers circling the wagons when they see the Indians coming over the hills. (feeble joke)

We are here for you.

I agree with others have said about the phone -- it sounds like this is a red flag -- especially if this behaivor has changed recently. If you have access to the account online, you can normally see what #'s are being texted and called. While you not have access to the message details you would know who she is calling/texting when and more importantly how much. With Verizon for example you can add Family locator to most plans for $9.99 a month for the account. You could then receive a message when she leaves/arrive work etc -- this would give you an idea of lost time that might be cause for concern. If you "ping" (locate) them manually it will alert them that they are being located. Also every time they power up their phone it will alert them that Family locator software is installed. And if they shut off their phone (or location) they cant be located. It not normal for most people to bring a phone with them into the bathroom everytime

I agree with Quorazon. The phone is just a symptom of the bogger problem. Ignoring it will not make the problem go away. My husband was/is a very quiet guy. He suddenly started getting phone calls when we were at family functions, etc. he would always say it was "Bob". I would check phone records and it wasn't always Bob, but another number. Things got more and more out of control. He was going out with some much younger people. A mid life crisis if ever there was one. Eventually I nagged him enough and he confessed. He stayed with me, but I will warn you, it took years for him to get that out of his system. It all started with a cell phone. they are the root of all evil.

The night I found out about my husbands affair he told me it was over already, i said prove it, call the skank up and tell her you hate what you did that she makes you physically ill, i had a list of things i wanted to hear him say to her, and he did, she was sooo pissed at him, calling him names etc, but it felt good and it did prove to me that the affair was over, because no one would take that kind of verbal abuse from their lover