We're a little over 3 years and I still can't bring myself to celebrate either. It just doesn't feel right ...

I still get random thoughts but the pain is more of a mild annoyance these days. Like when those thoughts come to mind I think "what a dumbass" and go on instead of getting all worked up. Triggers are gone too.

Our anniversary is coming up as well. 17 months after D-day.
I am celebrating that the OW didn't win!

Don't know about the random thoughts and pain though. For some unknown reason, yesterday was a bad day for me.

I think all of that never goes away, the intensity isn't as strong now though.

Time does help. And having my H trying to please me and make me happy helps as well. But there are days when I'd like to kill them both!
And then the feeling passes . . . .

IDK much of this I should say... my husband and I are separated he left 2 weeks ago and is with the other woman.. My life just exploded about 4 weeks ago when I found out he might be in love with someone else... he said he'd work on us for a year and left after three weeks he said was great and 2 days after he said he wanted to stay and this was where he wanted to be. So IDK about the trials of putting it back together so maybe I shouldn't say..
But I wish I had the chance you all have.. a chance I may never get. to restore what was a great marriage (even he has agreed). Its a tough situation and I am heartbroken and cry most of the time.. I can't believe this has happened to us.. I never thought he would do this.

Our anniversary is coming up next month (first since d-day). I really feel yucky about it too. I (right now) feel like just being honest and saying "even though I don't feel like I used to about celebrating our vows we made with each other on this day...I look forward to feeling that way again in the future".

Ours is also coming up next month ( the first since the A)

I am grateful as I wasn't sure we would ever have another when this all started unfolding 10 months ago. Hopefully we will continue getting stronger and there will be many more to come.

I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home and we never looked forward to holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and such as they were usually very unhappy events. Unfortunately I brought much of that with me into adulthood and marriage. I hope to remember how lucky I am and am using the A to remind me that the past doesn't have to be the future.

Best wishes to all who read this

jim

It's been just over 16 months since D-day for us and our 12th anniversary was last weekend. The day before was a very bad day for us. Lot's of triggers for her. The Anniversary started out very low, it did lighten up a little and ended "not horrible."

What's to celebrate? Is your W working toward rebuilding and reconciliation? If so, try concentrating on any progress to that end. If She's not... Why are you still together?

Do the random thoughts and pain go away? based on everyone here on DS - no. It can lesson to the point of being a non-issue, but I doubt it will ever totally go away. Even though I am on here as a CS, I have also been a BS in the past and it is no longer painful for me to think of those times. It is a very, very rare, mild annoyance as lisalisa said. Of course it's easier to get past the pain when the relationship is no more and the triggers are not in your face every waking second. Seeing how this has affected my wife, I have a new appreciation for what you're going through.

If you're working toward healing and so is your W, take a deep breath and try to just enjoy the day. I pray you actually have a happy anniversary.

Jim i love your positive outlook. Please keep reminding us all.

Our anniversary is this month also, 16 mo since D day. I definitely feel much less pain about it than last year. Last year i was anxious, nervous and sad.

I'm hoping this year will be better, it should as i don't feel the same way but we will see how the days leading up to it go.

Our MC brought up a topic of vow renewals. I'm totally for it, maybe our anniversary can mean more to me than it does now.

Daledge, good for you! Sounds like you are in a good place with your H?

The fourth was our 18th anniversary and her 35th birthday it was tough to celebrate the anniversary but I tried to remain positive for the birthday part. Next month on the 30th will be one year since Dday. What a crazy year it's been, It's a miracle we even made it this far. There have been days that I thought death would be easier than dealing with her affair but managed to keep on plugging away. We have come a long way since last year but I still feel the sting from time to time. Still hard to believe she would subject our marriage to something like this and makes me feel like I wasn't worth her being faithful.

In some way, reading everyone's comments here warms my heart. I wish my husband stuck around to fix what he broke. He took the easy way out and fled like no other. I just wish I had someone that really loved me enough to help me fix this