Its been 8 mths for me and I have been experiencing the same feelings you are for the past few weeks. So I think it is very normal. I wish I had good advice to give you but reading the groups responses usually helps me know what I am going through is all in the process.

I just finished crying actually and came here to get some encouragement. The I love and hate both at the same time is so very true for me. I am not sure which is going to win out at this point. Even though I have everything there from him to move forward. I myself am not sure due to these like yourself feelings.
So no great advice from me but hoping that support in letting you know you feelings are shared helps you in some way. I know it did me to read your post.

First of all, you will get through this. You might even come out stronger. Your marriage, I have no idea. That is up to you and your husband. Right now is what you need to be concerned about. Eat, take vitamins,sleep...see your dr. Cry when you need to and allow yourself to feel the pain..... it is gonna hurt like hell at times. You might not be strong enough right now to make any long term decisions and you don't have to. Just breathe, and when you have a good moment, hang on to it. We call it the Roller coaster ride for a good reason. I have been there.... it sucks and hurts but we all make it. message me to talk or vent anytime.

You're going through what most of us go through. Trying to reconcile how someone who says they love you, could stab you in the back, say sorry, I wont' do it again, and you're constantly looking over your shoulder to see if they are sneaking up on you again. And hating that you have to do that.

You are working through the loss, and that is a good thing. If you weren't experiencing these feelings, we'd be more worried. Because you have to go through these things to come to a place of acceptance in the end.

So like huney said, just know you're going to be dealing with this for a while. Face it and work through it. You'll come out stronger and with a better chance of success no matter where this ends up taking you. But it is a hard and long road, and you've only just begun.

Here's a link to the five stages of grief, that may help give some perspective to this:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/3869850

The very best thing you can do is to physically and emotionally take care of you. Work on yourself and what makes you happy. Start enjoying life and put him on the back burner for a change. Ten years is a long time off and on. Why did he say that it will stop now? Just curious. I don't have an answer for you about trusting him because he has already proved he can't be trusted. Do you know her? You may want to get some answers from her. It's difficult but I would really want to have a conversation with her. Sounds like more than just a f--ck ,for ten years????????????
Again, take care of your happiness and the answers will come. You'll probably not get the answers your looking for. Good luck.

Yes, Grandacten has some good points. The journey we have to go through because of our partners is a hard and painful one. It can be a time for self focus and self discovery as well. You have put your CS needs on the forefront, and he cheated on you repeatedly with the same woman!! Are you sure he is being honest with you about his emotional connection to this woman? 10 years is a long time. He needs to be completely honest about how deeply connected he was and whether he still is. It took my CS 4 months to finally admit he was still emotionally connected to his AP. You are angry right now, and you have every right to be! Get the whole story, and then you can make decisions about your future. Take care of you and focus on what you need.. He has spent the last 10 years doing what is right for him at your expense!!

Yeah he is telling all now. He also had 5 other women for short period of time during all of this. I found out all at once! He never took her anywhere or spent money on her. We are both in IC and MC. And I am just not sure of anything anymore. I actually thought I had a really good life!