My CS and I had fantastic sex, other than when my kids were babies. it only got better as we got older. He admits sex with me was better. It did not stop him from cheating. Don't waste the guilt on feeling that if you had more sex he would not have cheated. There is always a reason they give you. the real reason is selfishness and something lacking in them, not you.........

I would just enjoy some great sex and not overanalyze it. Sex can only help the process of rebuilding. I agree with silly too.

I understand but from a different perspective. We haven't had sex since DD, because we're too worried about what it means, and it's importance. And because I think H still feels guilty and/or is still in the fog. Don't know. BUT I'd just ask, what are the right reasons for sex? Making babies, obviously, but for most of us, that ship has sailed. The other big one, I think, is to bring us closer to our spouse. Is sex having this outcome for you? Or is it driving you apart in your mind, because you feel resentful that you have to fill this need of his? Of course another reason is carnal, and then I'd ask if you're enjoying it? Is it meeting a basic need for you? I'm with sillysuzie, please don't feel like you weren't doing enough and that caused him to stray. Read a bunch of posts here and you'll see that they cheat across the spectrum of how much they were getting, or how good it was. Hugs to you.

I actually smiled when I read, "to make sure he is too tired." In a way, that seems pretty powerful. You're using your super-hero, kryptonite power on him. :)

I found out of my soon to be ex's affair on Nov 30th. At first I found myself wanting to be close to him. Over time I have released that i was selling myself short. His affair was both physical and financial. Now that the dust has cleared somewhat I see the man for what he is. A MONSTER. He have since learned that he would pay his whore to take care of her family while our family went into debt. How i wish I could put him in jail. Unfortunately, we are married and this is not a business so no jail time for him. Good luck. Make sure you are with him for you and not him.

I think that I thought great sex would convince her not to cheat again. And she always said it was amazing and she even approached me and initiated it often. But I think ultimately, it made no difference. To a cheater, especially a serial cheater, sex is sex. They will get it and take it anywhere and wherever they can. I shared four children with her so I am sure on some level it was good. But ultimately, it was horrible for me because I know that there were too many others sharing what I thought was special.

Oh god, the hysterical bonding sex I had with my EX was HOT...but, OMG, please find some self-esteem and don't think you can "tire" him out and therefore make him not look elsewhere...obviously, he has no respect for you and did, anyway. Really? Sex was the main issue? He sounds selfish and immature. I would say take the hot sex and ditch the H, but it also sounds like the hot sex is being confused with rebuilding...good luck!

My wife and I were having lots of sex before her infidelities. Her shit wasn't about sex or the lack of it, or the search for better sex (we always had great sex), her cheating was about searching for an emotional connection with someone. Someone who validated her and made her feel better. The sex (or sex acts) were incidental and not even worthy of the destruction to her, me or our marriage.

My H and I had an amazing sex life when he started his affair. In fact just before the affair we were having sex on a more intimate level than ever before, but he still cheated.

During the affair we were still having sex almost everyday and sometimes twice a day.

After Dday it was almost non-stop as I was trying to reclaim my husband.

In the end there was no amount of sex we were having or weren't having to keep him from continuing his affair. It is now 5 years from Dday and we are done because he wants something else.

I guess what I am trying to say is if he is going to go elsewhere, he is going to go elsewhere. After what has happened you will always have that in the back of your mind, but try not to let that fear you have bring issues in that don't need to be there. If he is stepping out again, you will know. For now, enjoy being with your husband.